Page 67 of Blurry Little Lines
The next morning, I take the initiative and lace my fingers with Max’s as we wait for his parents to answer the door. My stomach bobs in my throat with nerves from every beat of my heart. I glance down at my flowy blouse and cardigan. It's mid-summer and a warm day, but I hope they don’t notice my bump or are too polite to question if I’ve been eating my feelings this past year. The door handle turns as fight—or-flight kicks into gear, causing me to suck my stomach in as much as I can until I sit.
“Kelsie!” Max’s father smiles, welcoming us into his home. “Max said he was bringing you along.” My shoulders arch as he gives me a hug to avoid my bump from touching him.
“My goodness, darling.” Lucille's southern voice purrs and she hugs me. “Time has been kind to you. What’s your secret?” She holds me at arm’s length and gives me once-over.
“Don’t go to bed wearing makeup?” I fire off a lame answer and look at Max for help.
“We are starving. How about we head to the table.” Max saves the day.
“Yes, I’m just about to take the quiche out of the oven.” His mother leads the way into the dining room. “Make yourself at home, Kelsie. The pitcher on the table is mimosa.”Great, how can I pull this off.
Max pulls my chair out and takes a seat beside me, leaving his parents directly across from us. Easy banter bounces back and forth and my talk about the latest marketing campaign I’m working on passes a good chunk of time through brunch. Lucille pours her third drink, and I avoid eye contact, picking up my coffee. His parents eyeball Max and I carefully before sharing a look. Again, I feel like a teenager about to be caught red-handed.
“I think we should skip the awkward stares and cut right to it.” His father smirks. “Are you two here to tell us you’ve finally given in to your chemistry?”
I guess it’s now or never. I swallow and glance at Max, who remains motionless and completely useless at this moment. Since Max saved me the other day by filling in the blanks for Mallory, I let my stomach relax and inflate. I lean back in my chair and lift my arm up to run a hand through my hair. My bump is on display and obvious.
“About that chemistry–” I trail off and release a nervous giggle.
“Oh, by the grace of God!” His mother stands and runs around the table to place a hand on my bump. “How did I not notice earlier?” I smile and shrug. “I’m going to be a grandma. A hot one, that is,” she adds, shooting a pointed look at Max’s father.
“Congratulations, you guys.” His dad smiles and reaches out to shake Max’s hand. “I knew there was a spark burning between you two.”
“Do you know what you’re having?” Max’s mother’s eyes brim with tears.
“Not so fast, Mom.” Max’s sharp tone silences the moment. “Before you ask any further questions, there are a few answers I think I deserve to hear first.”
She glances at Max’s father and back at me.
“Would you like some privacy?” This feels too personal, as if I shouldn’t be here during this. At the same time, Max asked me to come for a reason.
“Stay.” Max’s hand clasps mine as I watch his face and eyes hold a look that I can’t quite read. “You’re a mother too. I’d like some input, if needed.” Why do I feel like he’s planning an ulterior motive with this?
“Fine, Max. What do you want from me?” His mother sighs.
“I wanted a mother. I didn’t want to be called a burden as a child.” His voice remains level. “Did you even want me to begin with?”
“Max, your father and I didn’t expect you in our lives so soon,” she begins. “During my pregnancy, I was thrilled and nervous.” She carries on to explain how the sleepless nights lasted for years and she started to feel less like who she used to be as the years went on.
I sit quietly as Max has his past demons brought back to life. He was wild. He misbehaved. He always wanted his mother around and wore out the nameMom–to the point she wanted to change her name. She could no longer go out with her friends to party late at night or on the weekends. Her husband worked too much, and she always had to play with and take care of Max. All things that come with the territory of being a mother. Clearly, she wasn’t ready for the selflessness of motherhood.
“One day, I had enough. I knew I couldn’t live up to what either of you needed and I had to put myself first.” Her crystal blues well up with tears. “I love your father and everything he has done for you while I was gone. You needed more from me, and I wasn’t able to give it to you.”
“Sounds like postpartum depression went untreated.” Max clears his throat. “Why didn’t you get help?” I guess someone has been sticking to the extensive pregnancy research. My heart warms.
“Max, therapy and all that wasn’t a popular thing back in the day.” His mother waves her hand about. “I still don’t even know much about postpartum depression other than the name.”
“Well, I will do whatever it takes to be the best version of myself for my family,” Max replies and downs the rest of his coffee. “Kelsie is the strongest woman I know.” He smiles at me, and I’m at a loss for words. “We are in this together and will devote everything we can to do our best with parenting, no matter how hard times will be. I vow to be by her side through it all.” His hand gives mine a squeeze, and if we weren’t in front of people, I’d instantly straddle him and ride out this burning need he’s ignited between my legs.
We answer a few general baby questions before driving back home. Traffic is brutal and walking the twenty-minute distance would have been quicker. My stomach turns, feeling sorry for Max. He mirrors my own children feeling unwanted, but at least I’m doing the best I can to be there for them. How could a mother look at her child and tell them all those things, let alone more than once. His father took on a heavier workload at the gym to cope with his own feelings from the loss of his wife. No wonder Max never strived to create a family of his own.
“Are you only being a stand-up guy on this journey with me because you’d feel guilty treating your child the way your mother treated you?” I have to ask.
“Kelsie?” Max turns his head to me, questioning who I am. “I’m by your side because I want this child. No, she wasn’t planned, but she chose me as her father, and I need to stand up and be everything she needs.”
“Right,” I reconfirm and clear my throat. “I’m sorry your mom took off.”
“I hope you don’t.” His soft, wavering tone catches me off guard.