Page 19 of Thresholds

"Nothing." He shook his head and returned to his list. "I'm just tired. I haven't been sleeping thisweek."

"Please don't tell us about your sex life," Sam said. "Those details are best leftunsaid."

"It's funny how you managed to grow some decency," I said to him. "Or do you turn back into a manwhore atsundown?"

Sam wiggled his ring finger. "No, it'spermanent."

Matt pressed his palms to his eyes. "Can we get back ontopic?"

I lifted my bourbon, pointing it toward Matt. "Be myguest."

He shook his head and glanced down at his list. "If you want a personal shopper's assistance, Patrick, you should call Shannon. I'm sure she has one in her addressbook."

"Don't do that," Sam said. "You'd fire this person within twenty minutes and that's not the way to start a holidayvacation."

"Then I'm out of solutions," Isaid.

"I have plenty of solutions right here," Matt said, waving his list at me. "Quit the bitching and decide where you want tostart."

"I have no fucking clue," I murmured. "Lingerie, I guess. I don'tknow."

"It would be weird for us to buy lingerie together," Sam said. "Right? Wouldn't it beweird?"

"I believe the question is whether weshouldbuy lingerie together," Isaid.

"What is the big deal?" Matt asked. He shook his head, impatient with our refusal to jump at the idea of communal underwear shopping. Because it was so fuckingnormal.

"It's not a big deal. I just don't need moral support to pick out fancy underwear, and I don't like the idea of either of you seeing anything I'd choose forAndy."

"I have no intention of looking at anything you purchase," Matt argued. "We can go in separately if that puts your twisted mind atease."

"We have to compare because we don't want to get the same thing. They'd know. They talk about this shit. Hell," I said, pointing to Sam, "your wife knows more about Andy's feelings about our disastrous trip to Maine than I do because these women tell each other every fuckingthing."

Matt scrubbed his hands down his face as he yawned. "Then we'll ask the saleslady to make sure we buy differentthings."

"What happens then? You're in the office with Andy two months from now and you're wondering if she's wearing the panties I got her for Christmas. I'd have to kill you, and I really don't have time to find a place to hide yourbody."

"You're overthinking this," Matt said, "and I'm worried about your sanity. I'm trulyconcerned."

"I can assure you that the only underwear I think about is that belonging to my wife," Sam said. "Until you mentioned it just now, I was oblivious to the notion that Andy and underwear existed in the sameuniverse."

"That's probably a slight exaggeration, don't you think?" Matt stared atSam.

"No," Sam replied. "Not atall."

"Leprosy," I said. "Give me theleprosy."

"Let's not forget that lingerie is a highly selfish gift." Sam reached across the table and snatched Matt's list. "I'm going to enjoy it more thanTiel."

"Disagree," Matt said, grabbing the paper back from Sam. "A good gift is something she won't buy for herself. Lauren only allows herself to buy new things every few months and she always waits for the sales. She'll love it, and that's why her favorite shop, Forty Winks, is onhere."

"That last place on your list is interesting," Sam said, a smug grin on his face. "Care to share some news witheveryone?"

"Shut up," Matt snapped. "I mean it. Shut the fuck up. Not aword."

I didn't know what they were arguing about and I didn't care. "Both of you should shut up," I grumbled. "Let's start with the lacy shit and then move onto jewelry. If those don't work, bookstores and giftshops."

"Sounds like a plan," Matt said, jotting some notes. "Burgers, beer, bourbon…andbras."