Page 72 of The Cabin

“Why are you so intent on not talking about this?”

“Because I really don’t think it’s a big deal.”

“It’s a huge deal, Sol.”

I study his face. He really believes that. “It’s not, Grayson.”

His fist comes down on the table. “You told Natalie the birth control was for you!”

“Sorry, did you see another option where you didn’t get sued or worse?”

“But now you’re wrapped up in this. I would’ve never, in a million years, have wanted that for you.”

Protective Grayson. Exasperated Grayson. Maybe even A Little Scared Grayson, I’m not sure. “You needed help, I helped.”

“That was a huge sacrifice!”

“You’ve done a thousand nice things for me, Grayson. I can do one for you.”

“This is very different from buying you books, Sol. You’ll have to talk to my lawyer and confirm the affair. You’ll have to keep lying and covering for me until this all finally settles. How long did your divorce take again?” A while. It took a while, and that was without any dispute. Brian was happy to get rid of me as fast as he could. Even still, it was a long, arduous process.

“I don’t mind doing that.” I know he’s all out begging me to understand. And I do. I know what I did.

“How can you say that so easily? If she comes after you I’ll never forgive myself.”

“I made a choice. I understood what it entailed. I understand the nature of my decision.”

“You blurted it out! You almost fell face first, stammering to get something out. There’s no way you had time to think this through. I’ll tell my lawyer the truth and deal with the consequences. I fucked up, I’m not letting you suffer in any way for this.”

I stand up and lean over the table towards him.

“She wins that way! The birth control detail is a scapegoat. A way to erase every nasty, horrible thing she did to you. Outside of this situation, the birth control issue, morally, it’s really fucked up. But to me, this is the classic, ‘Is the boy who steals bread for his family a thief?’ scenario. You did what you had to do. On the surface, it was wrong. Like really wrong. But it saved you. It saved a future child. It was in the purest of intentions, straight survival mode. You weren’t trying to ruin her life or vindictively take something away from her. And they’re not going to see any of that. All they’re going to see is the guy who stole his wife’s right to her own body. And so, yeah. Youaregoing to let me run with the story I came up with.”

His face is desperate, he’s so upset. There’s guilt all over it. “This is single-handedly the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me. But I cannot let you. I will not let you hurt so I can hurt less.”

“I don’t see it that way. A couple of people are going to think someone cheated on their wife with me. Big deal.” My throat has gone a bit dry and my voice cracks a little. “It’s not the end of the world.”

Grayson stands to match my stance, leaning across the table towards me. “But it’s a huge deal inyourworld. I know how hard it was for you to blurt that out yesterday. I know it’s been swirling in your head ever since. I know you smashed your moral compass for me. This went against every single thing you believe in. This is your big thing. The hill you will die on. And you threw it in the trash for me. You hurt yourself for me. You had to put a pause on who you are to save me.”

“Grayson –”

“I don’t know how to explain this properly. The fact that you did that? It makes me sick to my stomach. It makes me nauseous and ashamed and disgusted.”

My heart drops in my stomach. I start to back away. “Oh, um…I’m... I’m sorry. I’ll fix it. I’ll do whatever you want.” I don’t get very far before he’s holding my face in his hands, now standing in front of me.

“Let me finish please.” He tucks some hair behind my ear. “It makes me disgusted withmyselfthat I didn’t speak up. That I didn’t fight harder to stop you from doing it. But mixed in with those emotions is a completely different feeling. You did this big, difficult thing forme. This amazing woman I’m holding chose to stand up for me. Me! Of all people. No matter how agonizing it was to do. You pushed all of it away. Your trauma, your hurt, your pain, your past. For me. I don’t know how to possibly describe how cared for that makes me feel. I don’t know how to justify these conflicting feelings.”

“I’m not going to let you ruin your life, Grayson. We’re going to stick with the affair story.”

“Sol…”

“Sometimes you have to do difficult things for the people who were there for you when you needed it most.”

“But –”

“And I’d do it again.” He takes a deep breath and puts our foreheads together. “It’s okay, Grayson.” He gently rolls his head back and forth against mine but stays quiet. “Let’s just drink some coffee and take this a step at a time.”

Eventually he nods, guiding me into a chair and heading for the coffee machine.