Page 25 of Ruin Me Softly
I park and get out of my car, taking in a deep breath of the summer air. This time of year always makes me think of Natalie. I came to live with them midway through the summer, and Natalie spent pretty much every day at the beach, usually dragging both me and Lucas with her. It didn’t long for me to start looking forward to our time there.
I’m almost to Natalie’s grave when I see a figure hunched over the tombstone, and I stop abruptly. I’d recognize Richard Miller anywhere. We haven’t spoken since the night I went to their place for dinner, and I don’t want to break that streak.
I take a step back, trying to leave quietly, but my foot lands on some twigs, and they snap loudly in the quiet cemetery.
Richard jerks his head up and glances around before his gaze lands on me. His eyes narrow, and his hands fold into fists. “Shawn.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, taking another step back. “I didn’t know anyone else would be here. I’ll come back later.”
“Or you could come back never.” His voice is low, so full of anger that it’s a little startling. He had a bit of a temper when I was younger, but nothing scary. He sounds like a whole different person now.
“Okay,” I say because I’m not sure what else I should tell him. “I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head, like he’s disgusted with me. “I don’t want you back in my son’s life. Just because you make him happy doesn’t mean you’re good for him.”
I stay silent, wishing I’d never come in here. I should’ve just gone straight back to the hotel. All the certainty I felt just a couple hours ago is evaporating quickly. Now I feel like I’m sixteen years old again. Like I need to run away before I get hurt, or someone I care about gets hurt.
Richard takes a step toward me. “Natalie was perfectly healthy until you came into her life. As soon as you were in our house, she got sick. You spread darkness everywhere you go, don’t you?”
I can’t give him a response. My tongue is suddenly too heavy to move. I try to tell myself that this is simply his grief talking. I can smell alcohol on him. He wouldn’t be saying this in normal circumstances.
Richard moves toward me suddenly, so quicky that I barely see him approach. Up close, I see his eyes are wet and rimmed with red. He looks so different from that put together person I remember from all those years ago.
“You gave my daughter that disease,” Richard spits. “You killed her, and if you stay with Lucas, you’re going to do the same thing to him. Didn’t you ever wonder why no one wanted you? Why no one loved you? It’s because everyone could see who you really are.”
My throat is tight as I stare into Richard’s dark gaze. I know he’s wrong. I don’t know why Natalie was chosen to get sick, but I didn’t cause that to happen. But what if Richard is right about the darkness? What if I’ll only bring more pain into Lucas’s life the longer I stay with him? Or…what if he’ll eventually realize I’m not worth anything, and he leaves me just like everyone else?
How could I possibly be thinking about staying? I’ve always been the one who runs away. Sometimes because the home was too bad to stay in. And sometimes I did it so I could leave before the other person did.
It’s kept me alive this long.
Richard’s still looking at me, so I take a deep breath and say, “I’m sorry about Natalie. But you don’t have to worry about Lucas. I’m leaving Charleston. I promise I won’t come back.”
Fourteen
Lucas
“Where’re you rushing off so quickly to?” Benny calls from across the yard as I hurry to finish spraying the weed killer around the edges of a fence.
“To see my friend in town.”
“The one who yelled at you about his car?” Vicki asks.
“Yeah. That one.” Even though it was only a handful of days ago, it feels like months. I know Shawn’s not going to randomly start trusting me, but he’s opening up a little bit more every time we see each other. He mentioned this morning that his next job isn’t for a couple weeks, and I got the feeling he’s thinking about staying until then. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to pressure him, but I’ve been hoping all day that it’s what he decides to do.
“He was cute,” Vicki says, a hint of teasing in her voice. “Where’d you meet him?”
“He was someone my parents fostered for a while back when we were teens.”
“And you guys kept in touch all this time? Why haven’t you mentioned him before?”
“Because we didn’t keep in touch. He came back to town a few days ago, and we met up.” I spray some more of the weed killer before adding softly, “He had it really rough before us, and then my dad did something that made Shawn run away one night. It was the last time I saw him until recently.”
“Oh.” Her smile dims a little. “Well, I’m glad you two managed to find each other again. You’ve seemed happier these past few days.”
“Have I?” I guess I shouldn’t really be surprised. I’ve felt it too. Despite the argument with my dad and hearing the truth about why Shawn left in the first place, I have been happier.
Vicki laughs. “You have it so bad. Look at you! We need to meet this guy.”