Page 64 of No Regrets

She shook her head meekly. While she and Dex had cleared the air, nothing was the same. It was strained. She felt it and she knew Dex did too.

“Why not?”

“We don't talk that much anymore. I mean we’re friends, and if I need anything, I know they both would be there, but everything's changed.”

“Changed how?”

“When we were younger, Dex and I shared everything, then we risked it all by sleeping together. I don’t regret it. The last few years with him were the best of my life. But now I feel like I’m paying the price for that. So much as we’re trying, we’re just not connected like we used to be, and I know that’s my fault.”

“Why is it your fault?”

“I’m the one that changed the dimension of our relationship.”

“You’ve said yourself; your relationship was based on snatched time together when you were on shore at the same time or had leave at the same time and, forgive me for being blunt, but I’m guessing most of that was spent in bed.”

Kelly blushed. “Yeah, it was.”

“So, the connection was more physical than emotional?”

“No.” She shook her head vehemently. “It was emotional for me. I was in love with him.” Lowering her head, she added softly, “I still am.”

“And perhaps that’s why you’re finding just being friends so difficult. You want that emotional connection and now the physical side of the relationship isn’t there, you’re not feeling it from him.”

Kelly looked up, frowning. “Are you saying, you think he was just in it for the sex?”

“No. And I do believe he cares a great deal about you. He wouldn’t have tried so hard to see you if he didn’t. And he’s told you he loves you. I don’t know Dex, but men are often more black and white. You're either in the friend box or the girlfriend box. I think maybe he’s as confused as you as to how just being friends works. I’m not saying guys don’t have female friends they don’t sleep with, but to stay friends with someone he’s slept with, who he loves, that’s probably a first for him.”

“I want to talk to him more, but I’m scared of sending the wrong signals. The thought of being intimate with someone again petrifies me. Even Dex. I could never burden him with that and risk him staying with me out of pity. Breaking it off was the only way to make him move on, and I honestly thought it would be the easiest way for us both to move forward but still be a part of each other’s lives.”

“And do you still think it was the right thing to do?”

“I miss him, Claire. I really do. But yes, he's a man, he has needs that I cannot fulfill. Not now and maybe not ever. Before Daram, we never said I love you, never shared how we really felt about each other. I know how much I love him and now, he’s told me he loves me. This whole situation is just so damn hard. It would have been easier if it had just been sex between us. Perhaps I was asking too much of him, to just be friends.”

“It’s not asking too much; but it’s going to take some time to adjust and get used to. For both of you. Do you see him on base?”

“Occasionally. The team has been...er...reassigned.” She couldn’t tell Claire what they were doing now. Claire had clearance but not that high.”

“Oh, I had no idea.”

“It’s a good move. What they wanted. They are still on the base, but the new role means our paths won’t cross too often.”

“You sound disappointed.”

She was. She missed seeing the guys. All of them.

“I am. The guys are my friends, my family. It's strange not seeing them as much now. I lost Bravo, and now it's like I've lost Alpha too.”

“So why don’t you do something about that?”

Kelly cocked her head. “What’s stirring in that head of yours?”

“They have somewhere they hang out, a bar?”

“Yes. Jerry’s.”

“So go there. I bet the team would be thrilled to see you and being in a bar environment with Dex and the whole team won’t be so intense or awkward. In fact, it could help.”

“Jeez... I don’t know. Turning up out the blue. I’m not sure I could do that yet.”