Page 50 of Beautiful Trauma

“I honestly don’t know, but we’ll deal with it. You’re going to be fine. You got really fucked up, babe. I wasn’t here when they brought you in. I didn’t think of it after.”

Anesthesia would have opioids. Pain relief could have them. The possibility of relapse scared me, but we’d deal with this. It would be fine. He was alive.

We rang the nurse and explained the situation. She agreed to bring the doctor in to discuss how to manage the pain without opioids to lessen the risk of relapse. Eli was hell-bent on not taking anything stronger than ibuprofen at this point in his life, and he rarely allowed himself even that. This wasn’t just a headache, though. His body was broken in several places.

A different doctor came a short time later. “I hear you want to stop the pain relief.” He looked over the records on the computer.

“Yes. I’m an addict. I can’t have them.” Eli grimaced.

“Understood. Let’s talk about what we found during surgery.”

Twenty-Eight

The doctor spoke calmly to Eli about his injuries. He also mentioned the possibility of surgery on his arm.

“As you may have been told, we did emergency abdominal surgery. You had some internal bleeding that needed to be stopped. However, we have some questions about your health prior to the accident.”

I moved my eyes from the doctor to Eli, noticing a grimace. He was hiding something.

The doctor must have noticed as well, because he asked Eli if he wanted me to leave to discuss it further. Eli shook his head, and the doctor continued. “Have you been having any headaches recently? Changes in vision or appetite?”

“The last week or two I’ve had this headache that wouldn’t go away, but I don’t really take medication, even ibuprofen, unless I have no other choice.”

“Well, Elijah. I’m sorry to tell you that your CT revealed a mass in your brain.”

The news felt abrupt. My heart thudded in my chest, my stomach flipping violently. My body felt clammy, and I rushed a hand to my mouth.

The doctor was quick to grab an emesis basin from the counter and hand it to me. “We won’t know exactly what we’re dealing with without further tests, but based on the pattern, we suspect a glioma.”

The doctor kept going as my vision faded in and out. Eli calmly asked questions and thanked the doctor before sending him away. “Hey. Katie. Look at me,” he demanded.

Tears fell down my face once again as I met his concerned eyes. “Did you know?”

“Let’s not talk about this now.” He shifted uncomfortably in the bed.

Anger rose inside me. He knew, and he didn’t tell me. “Elijah, did you fucking know?”

“Just… fuck, I just need to hold you, and I’m fucking useless.” Frustration laced his voice as he tried to find a way to console me despite being the one who barely survived a car accident, only to be told he had a serious brain tumor. Calm the fuck down.

I stood over him so I could kiss his temple and took his good hand in my own. “It’s fine. We’ll figure it out.” He nodded his agreement. We were lying to ourselves and each other, but that’s all we had in that moment.

“I’m sure you have a lot of questions, and I swear I want to give you all the answers, but it’s complicated. I just found out about a week ago, so I’m not sure I have it all straight in my own head. You can talk to my doctor. Let’s just get through this first, okay?”

I nodded. For now, all I could do was be here for him.

Twenty-Nine

They discharged Eli after two days. He swore his injuries looked worse than he felt, but I could see the winces of pain cross his face every time he moved.

Sitting in the oncologist’s office, tears fell down my face as I asked, “What does that mean, a brain tumor? Surgery? Chemo? Is it cancer?”

Eli squeezed my hand. “Let the man speak, Cee.”

“I’m afraid the prognosis isn’t good,” the man in the white coat said. I zoned out as the words fatal and survival rate came out of his mouth. The words were all swirling in the air, and I was just grasping at the ones that meant everything would be okay.

“You said surgery and chemo can be used?” I asked, trying to focus and identify a plan.

The oncologist nodded. “Yes. We can remove as much of the tumor as possible and follow that up with radiation and chemo to slow the regrowth.”