Page 56 of Beautiful Trauma

“Here I thought you were her self-proclaimed best friend?” He gave me a cheeky grin.

I smiled back. “And yet she tells me all the time it isn’t true, because that title belongs to you.”

“Promise me you’ll make sure she picks herself back up. And when she does, she needs to move on. Not just random fucks, I want her to love someone the way I love her.” I gave him a quizzical look. “I’ve always loved her more than she loved me. Don’t get me wrong, I know she loves me, but I also know that she holds back because she’s afraid of fucking me up. I want her to be all in. Love to the point of obsession. That’s what I want for her.”

“That’s kind of fucked up.”

He shrugged a shoulder. “We have always been unconventional.” He paused to gather his thoughts. “If I can’t be here with her, I want to die knowing she won’t be alone.”

“So just make sure she doesn’t accidentally kill herself with grief?”

His eyes narrowed. “Or on purpose. I’m telling you; it will be ugly. She will drown herself in vodka and bad decisions. And she’s absolutely going to come on to you.”

“Whoa, whoa. I’d never touch your girl, dude.”

Eli chuckled, causing him to cough. “I know you fucked her, Serge. We don’t keep secrets like that.”

I held up my hands. “That was years ago, I swear.”

“I know. But I also know that if you’re there, she will be all over you. I’ll be dead, so I won’t know.”

I cringed. “That’s bleak, man.”

“It’s reality.” He shrugged.

“As long as you know I haven’t touched her while you’ve been sick, either. If she has needed some kind of outlet, it hasn’t been me.”

Eli smirked. “I’m not dead yet.”

“Oh. Oh! I mean, good for you, man.”

I looked at this dying man who was basically telling me to help the love of his life by screwing her brains out. Could I ever love someone enough to let them go that way? “I will do my best to make sure she doesn’t lose herself completely. No promises about how we get there.”

“Thanks. I know I’m asking a lot. Just remember that she’s using you. I know you’re friends, and she trusts you, but she has abandonment issues. The more you pull away, the more she’s going to lash out to get your attention. Or the attention of whoever she decides is her punching bag. I need to know someone is looking out for her.”

“Yeah, man. You got it.” I couldn’t tell him no, even if I had no plans to do what he asked. It was the decent thing to say to someone in this position. But Cee was my friend, and I wasn’t about to let her destroy herself.

Eli died three days later. Even though he tried to warn me, I had no idea what I was in for.

Thirty-Four

Eli insisted there not be any services when he died. He didn’t want Cee to have to walk away from a funeral.

I don’t think we could’ve gotten her to go in the first place. She hadn’t left her bed since they took him out a week ago. Elle and Silas, Connor and Mish, and I took turns staying at the house with her. Wyatt had gone to stay with Mason, FaceTiming her every day for the few minutes she could keep it together. Daily calls with Wyatt were the only thing Cee responded to.

The woman was a disaster. It was expected, really. But I wasn’t sure how long we were supposed to let her go on like this before we forced her to leave her room, but I was getting concerned that no-one else was.

I walked into the house, meeting Elle and Silas. “How is she today?” I asked, setting my coffee and the one I brought for her on the counter.

“The same. Hasn’t budged. I laid with her for a while, but she didn’t say much. Didn’t eat anything.” Elle shrugged.

“When do we start to worry?” I asked, already worried.

“She just lost the love of her life. I’m no expert in grief, but I think this is normal.” Elle looked at Silas and me to see if we agreed.

“At some point, it will stop being normal and start being alarming. When is that?” I asked, more forcefully. “She hasn’t eaten or showered. She hasn’t taken her meds. At the very least, we need her to take them, or she will let herself die in that bed.”

“I know, I know,” Elle bristled. “I’ll get her out of bed tomorrow and showered. Mish will help me. We’re going to have to drag her.”