Page 92 of Beautiful Trauma

The second month, I buried myself in work. What does an off-tour drummer do for work? Mostly, he bangs on the drums. Connor and I spent a lot of time collaborating virtually on some songs he was working on. I paid more attention to my taxes than I ever had in my life.

Literally, anything to keep myself occupied.

The third month, I took my mom on a trip to Europe. It was something we had been talking about for years. Since I finally had the time off to do it, I surprised her, and we spent an entire month doing the touristy stuff.

As much as I tried to be present, I found my mind wandering to thoughts of Cee more often than was probably healthy. I wondered if she was getting better, or if she still spent her days fighting tears. Who was going to be there to find her if she was still trapped in the dark place she’d been when I left her?

The fourth and fifth month we spent coming together as a band to plan our spring tour. We did all of it from California, where Matteo and Tom still lived. Elle and Mish were there with us, which put me on edge. If they were with us, who was with Cee? Whenever I could casually get an update on Cee, I’d drop a question or two in there, but I know everyone was deliberately trying to keep any mention of her quiet because they thought they were helping me.

The answers were always a generic “She’s doing really well.” I couldn’t decide if they were lying, or if she was really improving.

I contemplated calling her so many times, but the last time I saw her, she made it quite clear we weren’t friends anymore. She was in an awful place when she said it, but I wasn’t sure she had made it out of that place. And, honestly, I wasn’t sure if she meant it or not.

If she wanted to talk to me, she knew how to find me. It was probably for the best. Being just Cee’s friend seemed impossible. Even after six months of no-contact, I was still in love with her. And that wasn’t how she felt about me, so I needed to keep my distance.

Elle came around the corner talking to Mish about something, but as soon as she saw me, she changed topics. “Sergio, please tell me you can rein Connor in on this.”

“I have no idea what you’re referring to, and I’m pretty sure it’s your job to keep him in check.”

“We leave on tour tomorrow, and he’s talking about changing the set list.”

“That happens all the time,” I replied, confused.

“We are headlining an arena tour. This shit needs to be tight. If I have to hear Silas go on about production costs because of these last-minute changes, I’m going to scream.” She gave an annoyed glance in his direction. Mish tried to suppress a chuckle.

I raised an eyebrow. “I thought you liked when he made you scream,”

Elle side-eyed me. “You know what I mean,” she grumbled.

“I do. And I’ll make him keep any changes reasonable. I will form an alliance with Matteo and Tom, and we will out-vote Connor on any superfluous changes.” I was trying my best to be the upbeat one. It was always my role before, it was just so much harder now.

“That’s a good plan. I like that.” She nodded her head.

It wouldn’t work, but at least she turned to walk away.

“Oh, and don’t forget,” she said, looking back, “kick-off meeting in ten minutes.”

I nodded.

I walked into the conference room and sat at the table. Elle and Silas were sitting at the opposite end, deep in quiet conversation. The look in Silas’s eyes said they were not talking business.

It only took a minute for everyone else to filter in. More conversations took place all around me. As soon as Connor entered, always the last to show up, Elle started the meeting.

“Everyone, let’s get started. We have a lot to cover, and I know Connor wants to talk to the band about some potential changes to the set list.” She gave me a conspiratorial glance. “First, do we have the damn shirt?”

“Yes,” Mish confirmed. “And a plan to keep track of it.”

“What’s the plan?” Elle asked.

Mish slid her cell phone toward the other end of the table. “His assistant can explain it.”

“Basically, we had a GPS tag attached to it,” Cee’s voice came from the phone. My heart skipped a beat. “That damn thing is not getting away on my watch.”

“Excellent. And you have all the information you need for the tour, right?”

“Yes,” Cee sighed through the phone. “And I’ll be with you all in a week, so if there’s stuff you need from home, just let me know.”

She’s coming on tour? I could hear her voice rattling off information for the group, but my brain was stuck on the part where I would see her, in person, in a week. My leg bounced under the table. The last thing she said to me was that she never wanted to see me again. Now we’ll be forced to see each other.