Page 18 of Killer (Project)

Her chest heaved another breath, and I smiled. I was a sick fuck getting off on her sadness and fear. “If I knew, I wouldn’t have let it happen…” she mumbled. I could feel the prying eyes of others on us.

“You would have because you’re just like them. If you and your friend had left me alone, you wouldn’t even be in this mess right now… You would be carrying on with your lives without a care in the world, uncaring of those who were being worked on like guinea fucking pigs.”

Another tear fell from her eye. I wanted to reach out and smash the droplet. Make it nonexistent. In the same instant though, I wanted to lick it, to taste the saltiness that was she on my tongue.

“I’m truly sorry.” She apologized as if she knew what she was saying sorry for, as if her apology would make up for all those who had suffered. She knew nothing, and I wanted to wipe the floor with her pathetic apology.

“Then prove it….” I growled, unaware of why I said that. What could she prove to me? She had nothing I wanted.

“How—” she stuttered. “How do you want me to prove it to you?” Her chin was held high and her eyes narrowed at me as if she knew what I was getting at.

“I can’t tell you how to prove it. All I can tell you is you have put me through the ringer in the last forty-eight hours. You caused my mind to go crazy… If you had died…” I leaned into her body, taking in her scent. It filled my nostrils causing something in my mind to snap. “If you had died, it wouldn’t have hurt me. It wouldn’t have caused me any pain. I would’ve looked at you like I did the man who I had killed the night before. When I told you to leave me alone…”

Something happened inside my head. Pain radiated through me as I gripped at my scalp. The memory came out of nowhere, forcing the air from my lungs.

“I tried to make them stop…” Her voice was so broken. Shock and horror were written all over her face. There was nothing she could do that would change their behavior. They didn’t understand why they hated her or me.

“Shhh, it’s okay.” I rubbed a hand through her hair and down her back. The things they had done to us both… I needed to learn to let go of my hate for them. I was close to meeting my maker, and I didn’t want to take that to my grave.

“It’s not okay. It’s not okay because we’re human, too. We have feelings…” Her tears seeped into my t-shirt as I took every fear she had away.

“I know, but we’re better than they are. We’re different.”

When I opened my eyes, Maggie was hovering over me, her small hand on my arm, concern etched into every contour of her face.

“Are you okay?” she asked her voice meek and laced with fear. She had no clue. I wanted to sneer at her, to smack her hand away. I wanted to blame her for the memories, but I knew it wasn’t her fault. Deep down under the blackness that was pumped into me laid a heart, a muscle I hadn’t used in forever. I could feel the blood rushing to it. Every memory was bringing me that much closer to humanity.

“I’m fine,” I muttered as I sat up. With every memory came a weakness. A weakness to give into what my body wanted.To remember.To me, it wasn’t that easy. With the memories would come the past, and though I would never admit it vocally, I had a fear far greater than the memories. I had a fear of finding out who the girl was and then realizing she was no longer here, and slipping back into the person I was made to be.

The memories didn’t haunt me. I wasn’t angry because of them. I was angry for what they represented.

My past—my future.

ten

maggie

His words hitme like a ton of bricks. I stared at him in awe. How could he be so mean, so hateful?I would’ve looked at you like I did the man who I had killed the night before.How could he think that killing someone was okay?

I wanted to reach out and grab him, to shake some sense into him. Now more than ever I wished the memories would come to the surface.

“Do you—” I paused watching his eyes grow darker. I was positive talking wasn’t anything he wanted to do. When he looked at me, I saw two things in his eyes. He either felt rage for me or he wanted to fuck me, and I wouldn’t allow that to happen. At least not in this place, and not while he was this person—this person I didn’t know.

“Do I what?” he responded gruffly.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I knew something had hit him. The faraway look in his eyes gave it away. It was as if he was here, but his mind wasn’t. He was reliving the past in great detail. For some reason, it made me want to know what parts of his memory were resurfacing. If they were parts of us… memories of things we used to do. Memories of what had happened between us.

“Talk about what?” he scoffed. His fists clenched and unclenched. Right off the bat, I had gathered what his triggers were. He didn’t like being asked questions or talking about things that could trigger a feeling or an emotion.

Somewhere, somehow, I had gotten balls. I narrowed my eyes at him and crossed my arms over my chest. “Don’t play dumb with me…” He smirked at my tone, his tongue darting out to wet his perfect bottom lip before speaking.

“Did you just threaten me?” He tilted his head sideways at me as he moved closer. My stomach filled with knots. Had I made the mistake of getting smart with him? Would he snap my neck right here, right now? Would anyone be able to get to me in time? The walls felt as if they were closing in on me.

“I just want you to talk about your feelings, the memories. I’m only doing what Gauge told me to do.” I wanted to scream the words at him, to shine a light on him, and make him understand.

“What you don’t get….” He leaned into me, his eyes glazed over and with no caring nature. Whatever the memory was, it had done nothing to bring him closer to humanity. His fist clenched as he brought his hand closer to my face. I could see the hugeness of it, the callousness of his rough skin in comparison to my own, and the desire in his eyes to reach out and grip me.

“What you don’t get,” he repeated, “is that I could very well snap your neck. I could kill you before a scream ever escaped those plump lips. I could cause you so much pain and agony you would wish for me to kill you. I could—” He paused again, unclenching his fist, and then clenching it slowly in front of my face. He was showing me what he could do with his hands… the damage he could cause.