Page 68 of Code 6
“Where to begin,” said Kate, breathing out.
“That’s up to you. You came to see me.”
“That I did,” said Kate. “I guess I’m wondering if there’s anything you’ve ever wanted to say to me.”
Sandra arched an eyebrow. “Are you here for an apology?”
“Do you think you owe me one?”
“For what?”
The list began to form in Kate’s mind.Stealing secrets from my father’s company? Making my mother so jealous she called 911 on my father in revenge?
“It wouldn’t be much of an apology if I had to answer that question,” said Kate.
“Okay. I’m sorry.”
Kate let out a mirthless chuckle. “Seems we’re going around in circles here. You’re sorry for what?”
She was looking Kate straight in the eyes, arms folded. “I’m sorry your mother died thinking that I was sleeping with your father.”
“I see.”
“Not the apology you were expecting?” asked Sandra.
“I don’t know what I was expecting.”
Sandra sat forward in her chair, leaning into the table. “Do you think your father and I were having an affair?”
“He says he wasn’t.”
“I didn’t ask you what he says.”
Kate felt that pang she felt whenever she questioned her father, or whenever she questioned the man she thought he was. “I’ve wondered. Sometimes.”
“Because of something your mother told you?”
“Mom said some things, yes.”
“You realize your mother was paranoid, right?”
“I’m well aware that she had a drinking problem.”
“She was an alcoholic. But she was also clinically paranoid.”
“And that is, what? Your professional opinion as an executive coach?”
“I was a practicing psychiatrist for ten years before I burned myself out talking to teenage girls,” she said. “Yes, I was hired to help Buck Technologies identify your father’s successor as CEO. But I was much more than that to Christian.”
Kate heard no anger in the use of her father’s first name—quite the opposite. “‘More’ in what way?” asked Kate.
“Being married to an alcoholic is a terrible burden. Your father needed help dealing with it. But he was in a tough spot. People like to think society is getting better at understanding mental health issues in this country. But how do you think the CIA, as the company’s largest shareholder, would feel about the CEO of Buck Technologies seeing a psychiatrist?”
Kate took her point, but she was one of those people who liked to think attitudes toward mental health were changing. “I guess it would depend.”
“No, it doesn’tdepend. We’re talking about the CIA. If your father had started seeing a psychiatrist, it would have been professional suicide.”
They paused, the word “suicide” seeming to have an awkward place in their conversation.