Page 25 of Lost Boy

“That’s good,” he mutters, nodding slowly.

The energy between us shifts, becoming thick and awkward, and I curse my phone for ruining the vibe we had moments before Nash texted me.

“What do you think Hunter will say when he finds out we’ve been hanging out today?” I ask, changing the subject.

He shrugs his shoulders, seeming more closed off. “Don’t really know, I guess.”

“Well, no matter what he says, thank you, Cade. A day that started off crappy ended up being really good.Reallygood.” I give him a smile, trying to pull him back to me. “I had the best time.”

“Me too, Haley baby.” He nods. “Me too.”

I wish I could make this day last forever. Keeping us here, Cade and me, in this little bubble of happiness. But every perfect day comes to an end. And sadly, the end is almost here for ours. And I just wonder how he’ll act tomorrow.

He’s not dependable because I never know which Cade I’m going to get when I walk through the door. But one thing I’m realizing is … when I need him, he’s here.

7

Cade

Interviews are running really fucking late, and I go a little crazier with every minute that passes as I wait for them to call me up. I’d leave, but Coach warned us that we can’t until we talk to the press. We just won our game against Florida, and it was a big W for us. The guys are all happy, and that makes me glad to see.

But my knee started to throb in period two and seems to be getting worse by the second. I’m agitated as hell right now. A dose used to get me through the games and then the interviews, but lately, I’ve been reaching for my stash much more frequently these days. And even when I take a bit more, it doesn’t feel nearly as good. It’s no longer a choice, but just something I have to do to feel normal and to not get sick from depriving my body of it. That really fucking sucks because it’s like racing against the clock all the time, and I can’t relax. I’m trapped in a nightmare, only I’m wide awake.

I know I’ll get everything under control though. Once the hockey season is over, I’ll lock myself in my room for a week and go through withdrawal. I’ll be fine. I’ve done it before; I can do it again. I just need to get through the season for my guys. I’ve let so many people down in my life. I don’t want to add them to that list of names. Especially when they’ve all worked so hard to get this far. They don’t need my lowlife ass fucking it up now.

Besides, I really don’t want them to look at me as anything other than Cade Huff, a defenseman who has their backs and goes hard for his team.

But I’d be lying to myself if I said I’m not struggling to keep my head above water right now. And to add to it, sleeping has become a real bitch. I can’t fall asleep. And when I do finally fall asleep, I can’t stay asleep. And before I know it, it’s time to wake up for practice. I’m starting to wear thin. My body, mind, everything. I’m getting through the days, doing what needs to be done, but barely.

It’s been a week since I spent the afternoon trying to make Haley’s day better. I’ve seen her at the house and talked to her a little here and there, but I’ve been too preoccupied with my own shit to give her too much attention.

And, somehow, her brother hasn’t found out we hung out that day, and I don’t feel like telling him. Because if I do, I’ll have to listen to him bitch at me too. And I get it. I understand why Hunter wants to keep me away from his sweet, innocent sister. But, fuck, it’s hard to obey that rule. She’s the only thing lately that makes me feel semi-normal. She’s the one thing that brings me peace.

I wish I could be better for her. I wish I could at least be a consistent friend and someone she could count on to be there. Haley is one of those people who gives more than she’ll ever take. I’m not built like that. At least, I never thought I was until she came along.

A few nights ago, I saw Nash pick her up from the house. From my window, I watched his truck pull in before she walked out and climbed up into the passenger seat. He drives a fucking Ford.She’s the type of girl who should be sitting pretty in a Chevy.I didn’t look long enough to see if they kissed when she got in. I couldn’t. Because I knew if I saw that, I’d lose my mind.

I think Haley could be my lifeline. I look at her, and it’s like looking at a flotation device in a pool. I want to grab her and hope that she’ll save me from drowning. But at the end of the day, it’s not her job to save me. It’s my own. And let’s face it … I’m not fucking strong enough. And I’m not about to burden her with my weaknesses.

In the midst of my thoughts, I’m called over for an interview, and right when I sit down, I know I’m going to rush through it because, to be honest, I can’t stand the thought of being here for another twenty fucking minutes.

Haley

The Wolves won their game. They’d had some sloppy moments, but overall, they did good. Cade seemed like he was struggling. As I watched him on the ice, it seemed as though he was lost out there. He’d missed things he normally doesn’t, and he wasn’t himself. But he’s been standoffish with me all week, and I can’t tell if it’s just him being him. Or if something is going on or if I did something to upset him.

Either way, when Nash asked me to hang out a few nights ago, even adding that it could be just as friends, I accepted. Because ifI put all of my eggs in the Cade Huff basket … they’d fall through the bottom and crack. That basket has holes in it and is far from trustworthy.

My brother strolls out, heading toward the exit, and I shoot up from my seat to rush over to hug him. Our parents have never really believed in his dream to play hockey, so they don’t come to his games. I wish they would; they’d be blown away by how awesome he is out there.

“Good job, big bro!” I throw my arms around him. “You were great.”

“Thanks,” he says, giving me a squeeze before releasing me. “Thanks for coming.”

“No place I’d rather be.” I mess his hair up. “But when you play for the pros, you’d better give me box seats, bitch.”

He laughs, nodding. “Yeah, yeah. Sure.”

I can tell he’s sad about something, but I don’t know what it is. It’s been a while since I’ve seen him with Sutton. I know they were only fake dating, but I know my brother’s heart, and it was absolutely more to him than just pretending.