Page 31 of If We Say Goodbye
He raises his eyebrows and smiles while he taps the paper. “Not yet.”
I take a couple of deep, even breaths, trying not to regret my decision to agree to this. “Not ever.”
“Whatever you say, Bec,” he calls after me.
I know myself well enough to know that I’m too stubborn to change.
* * *
I slept oddly welland woke up without feeling groggy. I don’t know if it’s because I didn’t have the dread of the bus hanging over me, or if I was too tired to worry about anything. Either way, I woke up two minutes before my alarm went off.
I change out of my pajama sweats and into my school sweats. Life is too short to wear jeans. Besides, I’m not about to start dressing up for Caleb. This is what I’m like. This is how I dress.
Last night, I managed to get a good amount of homework done. I shove the stack of assignments into my overfilled backpack. The pages crinkle as I push the ends down further so I can zip it closed.
Then, I walk over to the window and peek through the blinds. I scan the Park’s house for any sign of Caleb. Is he ready to go?
He isn’t outside yet, and the house seems to be quiet and dark. His window is cracked open, and there’s a clear shot into his room. The only thing visible is the dresser against the wall. Above it is a shelf with some books on it, all of them neatly stacked.
He comes into view, typing on his phone. His eyes flick up, meeting mine.
He winks.
I jerk away from my window, letting the blinds fall back into place. What was that? Why did he wink? Heats rises to my face, and my eyes dart all over my room, unable to focus on anything for very long.
What did I get myself into?
The doorbell rings, and I jump again.
There’s no way that Caleb got to my front door that fast. It’s not humanly possible.
Still, I sling my backpack over my shoulder and race down the hallway. I don’t want to deal with Mom this morning. We barely talked last night, and I’ve done a pretty good job of avoiding her since then. I don’t need the doorbell to get her attention and pull her out of hiding.
I swing the door open, fully expecting Caleb to have magically appeared, but I find my chin lowering to meet eyes with Jordy. He stands in front of me with his backpack over both shoulders, and his thumbs are looped behind the straps. His neck is wrapped in a big scarf and his little face pokes through the top.
“We need to go. I don’t want to be late again.” His tone is so cold it could freeze over the desert.
“Who’s at the door?” Mom calls from down the hallway. I jerk into action, stepping toward Jordy.
“Bye! I’m heading out,” I say, fumbling with the door as I close it behind me.
Without another word, Jordy turns and walks off our porch. It might not be much, but it’s probably the longest conversation he’s ever had with me. Neither one of us tries to force the other to talk. He stays inside most of the time so we rarely cross paths. He’s a cute kid, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile. In some ways, he reminds me of myself a little too much—full of blunt words and hardened expressions.
As I follow Jordy across the yard, Caleb jogs out their front door. “Hey,” he says, falling into step with his brother. “I was going to get Bec. You beat me to it.” He ruffles his brother's hair.
Jordy pushes away, shaking his hair and running his fingers through it to straighten his bangs. “Stop it. You know I hate it when you do that.”
“You hate everything,” Caleb says, patting his shoulder.
“That’s not possible because I don’t know everything. To hate everything, I would have to have seen and heard everything.”
“Okay, Einstein.”
The corner of my lips turns up slightly. My brother used to tease me like this too, and for a moment, the memory doesn’t make me sad. If anything, it makes me jealous. I miss having someone push my buttons the way a sibling does.
Jordy sighs, closing his eyes while pinching the bridge of his nose. “That doesn’t even make any sense. Einstein was a scientist, and science is my worst subject.”
Caleb laughs. “Worst subject? You have a B plus. That’s nothing.”