Page 16 of Bang
Iwake up alone.
My eyes blink to adjust to the darkness. Only a slim strip of sunlight peeks through the curtains. I grab the remote off the nightstand and push the button with unsteady fingers. The bank of screens flickers to life but I’m only drawn to one of the monitors. Beck and Louis sit together at the breakfast bar, eating and looking at a book together. My heart soars from the relief that my son is safe and his father is just as devoted to him as usual despite my stupid accusations.
Oh god! Most of last night is a murky blur, but if I said aloud any of the crazy things I thought, I can see why Beck avoids me. My entire body aches from the damage I caused. I asked for this. My misery is my own fault. I begged and pressured and nagged for Beck to let me leave the house, to take me out, to enjoy life. I should have kept him hidden as much as he does me because of course other women want him. He’s handsome and sexy and dominant, luring any girl with eyes and hormones to him. Now he too knows what’s out there. Beautiful women who don’t ask for too much. Who can have more babies. Who would be grateful for how generous and thoughtful he is. Who wouldn’t fuck up the best thing that’s ever happened to them.
Unwilling to wallow in my pity, I shove down the blankets and roll off the mattress. Not feeling a hundred percent by any means, but I’m so much better than last night after Beck fed me like a child and then whisked me home straight to bed.
I’ll never drink again, and I’ll never take my husband for granted again either. I race to the shower and slip under the steaming water, scrubbing away all my negative thoughts and developing a plan to show him how remorseful I am. How much I truly regret hurting him. How much I hate myself for making him think I don’t love him.
I move as fast as I can despite my crushing headache, drying off and rubbing on his favorite jasmine lotion. I skip blow drying my hair, twisting the damp strands into a messy bun, and grab the toothpaste. I need to hurry and finish so I can find him. I have to make things right between us.
My body involuntarily jerks from seeing him in the mirror behind me when I raise up from rinsing out my mouth in the sink, and I tremble so hard I drop my toothbrush. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I don’t know what was wrong with me. I felt so crazy and irrational and seeing things that weren’t there. I know better. I know you. I know you wouldn’t cheat on me.”
He doesn’t say a word from my jumbled mess of an apology. I’m rambling which I hate. Crying too with huge tears burning my face. Terrified that I’ve messed up beyond repair.
Incapable of moving as he advances on me, I can only watch our reflection as he sheathes my back and nuzzles my neck, breathing in deep the scent he likes.
“I haven’t fucked you enough.”
Certain I’ve misheard him, I shake my head, trying to clear the ambiguity. “What?”
“Not long enough. Not often enough.” He yanks off the towel and stares at me naked and insecure under his gaze. “Not good enough for you to know how much I love you. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have thought those things.”
“No Beck. That’s not true.”
Desperate for him to hear me, I try to twist back to him but he refuses to loosen his grip around my waist.
“Shhhhh.”
His fingers slowly and deliberately caress across my lips before he shoves the tips between them. “Do you think I’d want my cock in another woman’s mouth?”
All I can do is shake my head and suck. Tasting the tart tang of oranges from the slices Louis enjoys so much. I sob against his warm skin from the reminder of how much he loves our son, taking care of him this morning when I couldn’t. Always taking care of both of us in every way.
He glides down to my breasts, squeezing and massaging the nipples until they ache for more. “Do you think any other tits would satisfy me?”
I almost cry out as he trails down my stomach aware of where he’s going to touch me next until he pauses, brushing his thumb over the ugly stretch mark that won’t ever seem to fade. “Do you think I’d want my son growing inside anyone but you?”
I swear he whispers beautiful as he caresses the scar but I’m not quite sure from my pulse pounding in my ears so damn loud. I really do want to be beautiful for him. “Do you think I could really fuck anyone else after I’ve been with you?”
“No…” I lay my shaking hand on top of his. “…and I’m sorry if I ever said anything to make you think I did. I wasn’t myself last night. I don’t know what I was doing. I need you to believe me. I’ll do anything to make you believe me.”
His expression softens from my shameful plea. My explanation is true. While I can’t remember everything from last night I know I hurt him which is the last thing I would ever want to do. “Please Beck?”
“I only need you to do one thing.”
My heart races, excited with the opportunity to redeem myself. I’ll do a million things he asks to fix this. “Anything!”
“Let me take you out again. I still owe you dinner.”
This amazing man is so unbelievably perfect. Laughing and sobbing at the same time, I spin around and climb up my husband. Needing to hold him closer than I ever have before. He believes me. He forgives me. He loves me. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.”
I don’t think I’ve ever needed to fuck my wife more than in this moment. But that’s not what she needs this time. Not when she’s spent too much time beating herself up for something she couldn’t help. I have to remind her—prove to her—nothing has changed between us.
I really do love her and always will.
Laying her gently on the bed, I slide in on top of her, resting on my forearm while my free hand guides my cock to her pussy. Her sweet hips lift, welcoming me, and I push in slowly. Thrusting with tempered control until she opens, accepting me as far as she can.