Page 37 of Damien
“Oh! Not at all. There isn’t much to see, though. Just students walking home.”
My voice sounds like I am disappointed, but to be honest, I like the quiet. It helps me process my thoughts.
Jake’s gaze locks onto mine, making me feel a bit uncomfortable. “The view is nice.”
Is he talking about the view of the street straight ahead or the tennis courts off to the side?
He sits in the chair next to mine and lets out a long sigh. “I can’t believe we are graduating in just a few months. It seems so surreal at times that we are about to have jobs and real responsibilities.”
I almost correct him because graduation isn’t in a few months. We only have five to six weeks left until graduation.
“Yeah, I know. I still don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life. Do I want to get a job as a teacher and use my English degree? Do I want to become a journalist or writer? Or maybe a copy editor or proofreader? There’s so many options and I am so lost.”
I ramble and unleash months of self-doubt and worry on Jake.
“I have a computer science degree and am so scared to enter the IT world and have to hear stereotypes all day. Most girls don’t like geeks. We are low on the totem pole in the dating world.” Jake sighs.
“That is not true!” I say defensively.
He looks down at the ground. “Sure, it is. I hear you and Mara talking all the time. I know how much she detests me.”
My heart breaks a little for him. All those times that I joked with Mara about dating geeks, Jake was listening in.
“Just because she doesn’t prefer geeks and really smart men doesn’t mean there aren’t women out there that do. Look, I think it is too soon for you to throw in the towel and give up on ever finding love.”
I take the sympathetic approach although my mind wants to say, ‘we are only twenty-two, no need to be so dramatic.’
“Thanks, Shaela. You really know all the right things to say to cheer someone up.” Jake nervously glances at me before averting his gaze to the tennis courts where the lights have just been turned on.
It seems like there is more he wants to say, so I sit here quietly and let him gather his thoughts.
He clears his throat. “You are a very caring person. You always make people feel welcomed. You have included me since day one, and I don’t think I have ever thanked you. Like truly thanked you.”
“It was nothing. That’s just who I am.”
I appreciate him thanking me, but it isn’t necessary. He’s my roommate and friend, so being nice to him is just a normal thing to do.
“See? That is just part of it. You are so amazing, and you don’t realize how incredible you are. You think your actions are no big deal, but to someone like me, they are life c-ch-changing.”
He begins to ramble and stutter.
“What I am trying to say is that over the past two years, my feelings for you have grown. I love hearing your voice first thing in the morning, and I look forward to seeing your smile every night before bed.”
He pauses to gauge my expression.
Is he really confessing his feelings for me right now?
What does my face say?
Am I confused?
Grossed out?
I muster up a polite but fake smile right now. Not wanting to embarrass him, I let him finish his confession.
“I don’t know where the future will take us, but I would love nothing more than to explore these feelings and see if things can progress between us. I want to be more than just your roommate. I want to be your boyfriend, and eventually, your lover. So, what do you say?”
I am frozen to the chair, unable to speak or process what he just said.