Page 4 of Deathly Desires
“Heaven,” I breathe. I catch the reaper nodding out of the corner of my eye. Licking my lips, I take an involuntary step forward. “Is this real? Can I go there?” I ask. “Is this where I belong?”
Mr. Grim squeezes my shoulder in response.
“I don’t know why, but I never really believed, let alone thought I’d be worthy of Heaven,” I say. “I’ve been defiled and used, done drugs, drunk myself into oblivion, and stolen from others. I’ve even cursed my mom for giving me life.” I flinch at the painful memory. “I remember telling her that she was a fucking failure, and that I wish she’d had the guts to abort me.” I stare blankly ahead, watching as the souls of Heaven enjoy their reward for lives well lived, oblivious to my presence lingering just on the outskirts of their world.
“If I go, I’ll never see you again, will I?” I ask, turning to look up into his dark hood.
The reaper shakes his head, and a tangible cold emanates from him.
Sadness,I realize with a tug on my heart. “And still, you’d show me the way? You’d let me go? Even though what we have is…” I pause, considering my words. “It’s unlike anything I’ve ever known. To me, being with you feels like Heaven.” I gesture toward the shimmering portal. “And this place? It doesn’t seem like the kind of place I want to be. Prettiness forever? And who will I have to share it with? The loved ones I’ve never had? Random souls? Like making friends in kindergarten all over again?” I shake my head and bite my lower lip. “I don’t think so. That’s not on the cards for me—not if I have a say, Sir.”
I take the reaper’s skeletal hand in mine, interlacing our fingers. “Can’t I stay with you? In-between life and death? I know you feel alone, but maybe you don’t have to? Maybe it doesn’t have to be that way? We could be weirdos … together.” I smile.
The reaper taps his scythe, and the portal wobbles, blurring and warping until a new scene is revealed. There is no mistaking the nightmare that is Hell. Fiery mountains burn, while rivers of blood run through a cracked and toxic landscape. The screams of the damned are deafening, and I feel nauseous as the despair and dread tangibly leaks through the portal.This is not where I want to end up.But it’s what my fucking abusers deserve … an eternity of pain and anguish, to know the fear and despair I’ve felt all these years.
And that’s when the most brilliant thought occurs to me, like a lightbulb switching on above my head. “What if I could help you do your job?” I ask. “There’s God in Heaven, and the Devil in Hell, right? They have countless souls and servants—angels and demons—carrying out their bidding eternally. But who helps you? You’re the Angel of Death! It’s a heavy burden to bear. Reaping the souls of the dead and ferrying them to the Afterlife is an almighty task, and you shouldn’t have to serve that purpose alone. So, what if you keep me in this limbo with you? I could become a spirit of justice, and whisper into the ears of the sick fucks of the world to end themselves! We can save the innocent from real predators, like a cosmic clean-up crew, or something, purging the Earth of its rotten fruit.”
The reaper remains still for a time, seemingly contemplating my proposition.
“Come on, Mr. Grim,” I purr, trailing a teasing hand over his abs and further beneath his robe. “You’re an archangel! You deserve this small pleasure. The angels in Heaven get their paradise, and the fallen get their debauchery and chaos. You deserve my company. You deserveus. We obviously happened for a reason. Besides, isn’t God omniscient? Isn’t everything supposedly his Divine will? If that’s truly the case, then everything that has ever happened to me happened for a reason. It made me who I am and it brought us to this very moment! I haven’t been sucked into Heaven, or smote to Hell … which can only mean that what I’m saying right now is meant to be. You chose me because we are meant to be together. Don’t you see?”
The Grim Reaper wraps his arms around me, holding me close. With my ear against his shadowed chest, I can hear the strange rhythm of his supernatural heart and find it offers me great comfort. I never want to be apart from it.
“You know what?” I say defiantly. “It’s happening. You can’t make me go through either portal, and I’m pretty sure what I spotted floating back there in the lake was my dead ass corpse. So, I’m done. I’m in-between life and death, and it’s bloody well where I’m going to stay—with you.”
Chapter Seven
The reaper’s skull face grins, and in this strange place between all things, I see his shadow flesh far more clearly. Beneath his deathly façade he’s angelically beautiful, erotically and skin-chillingly so. Then, for the first time, he reveals his immense obsidian black feathered wings—all six of them. They spread behind him, majestic as fuck, leaving me breathless and in awe. I’d expect nothing less of the Angel of Death.
Trailing his hand over my face, his clawed fingers gently coax my eyelids to close. A moment later I feel his hand resting over my heart, and then an incomprehensible pain tears through me, exploding from my heart. It sears through my fragile veins like fire. I open my mouth to scream, and I do—but silence swallows it whole.What’s happening to me?I can only guess. Every part of me feels as if it’s being burned away by some intangible, holy flame. As fast as the agony began, it ends, and the reaper withdraws his hand.
I drop to my knees, my head spinning at celestial speed as I catch my breath, reeling from the abrupt and sudden sense of relief. “What was that?” I gasp.
The reaper responds by rotating the blade of his scythe to my eye level. I glance up and I swear my heart stills in my chest. The reflection staring back at me in the smooth silver sheen of the metal is me, but not. I’m changed.I’m … like him!My peachy human skin is gone, replaced by the same shifting, strangely transparent shadow flesh. My white skull is visible beneath it, and my eyes are dark hollows filled with black fire. My skull face grins back at me, and I reach up, running my skeleton hands through my hair. It’s still there—long and rainbow—just as it was in life, only more vibrant!
Rising to my feet, I look to my soul mate.“I’m like you,”I say. Only the words don’t come from my mouth. They speak directly from my mind to his.
“Not quite. You aren’t an angel. Unfortunately, I don’t have that kind of power, only He does… But as an archangel I have the authority to elevate a soul, ordaining one to greater ability and status. You are what we call an Ascended Spirit—a soul with a celestial purpose. It comes with the power to walk the hazy line between the worlds of the living and the dead,”he says.“So that you might act in the interests of the innocent and see justice done.”
I nearly fall over backward in sheer shock.“You can speak? I can hear you. Oh my God!”I tackle the reaper like a spider monkey, throwing my arms around his neck and wrapping my legs around his waist in excitement.
Mr. Grim smiles, and I can see him more truly now that we are akin.“I can, indeed. We’ll no longer have to rely merely on body language.”
I grin in return. “I don’t know, I think we were able to connect pretty well on that basis.”
The reaper laughs, his voice deep and enchanting.“I believe a proper introduction of sorts is in order.”
Sliding down, I take a step back and cheerily offer my hand.“Hi, I’m Renae Saltzman.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Renae. My name is Azrael, and I’m—as you guessed—the Angel of Death.”
I squeal, bouncing on the spot.“Azrael? Wow. I love it. And we’re a thing, now, right? You and me? You promise?”
Azrael takes my hand and places a surprisingly soft kiss upon it.“We are bound, yes. I quite enjoy you.”
“Enjoy?”I query.“Well, that’s bloody romantic.”
“As romantic as being bent over a fallen tree and fucked after dying?”