Page 13 of Don't Look Down
It’s caution. I’m not actually scared.
Am I?
Fuck. Maybe… Maybe Iamscared.
Maybe I’m scared I’ll be wrong about him. Even though everything inside me is screaming I can trust him. The one time I ignored my instincts is the one time it led to trouble. I knew better then, but I didn’t listen and still decided to trust. It didn’t go well. The weight of mom’s gaze is heavy while she patiently waits for my reply.
“I don’t even know, Mom.” My head shakes from side to side. This shouldn’t be so difficult to figure out. Especially when I’ve basically already answered her question. “It doesn’t make sense to me. He’s a friend, and I don’t use that term lightly. He feels worthy of my trust, and yet I hesitate to open up about this.”
“I’m not going to push you, but I have to say one more thing. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, always be yourself. You know I understand where your nerves are coming from. You’ve been burned before, but I think you need to follow your gut here. It’s telling you he’s safe. And if you do tell him, and he treats you differently, then he’s not the person you thought he was, hmm? Either way, at least you’ll know for sure. Also, maybe once you’re able to answer what you’re actually scared of, you’ll see things a lot clearer.”
You know that head exploding emoji? Literally, me right now. She’s successfully blown my mind apart and given me more to think about all at the same time.
After dropping that little nugget of infinite wisdom in her usual fashion, we devour the rest of our food. I’m going to need nourishment for my brain to continue to muddle through everything.
We spend the rest of dinner making small talk, catching each other up, sharing random stories and talking about little things that have happened since we saw each other last week. Nothing has changed besides, you know, thinking about this shit with Sky.
This time with mom is just what I needed and has me in a much better head space. My shoulders are a little less tense, and I’m feeling a bit more relaxed, albeit still unsettled.
Sky is lingering in the back of my mind, but I make an effort to keep my focus on this quality time with her. It’s harder than it should be, but we don’t need to talk about that.
After dinner, which she insists on paying half of, I walk her to her car. She pushes the remote start button, and I swear her eyes light up like a kid in a candy store. She’s practically glowing. It’s fucking cute.
She’s driven piece-of-shit cars for as long as I can remember. She always told me she didn’t need a fancy car; she just needed a car to get her from point A to point B. But it’s written all over her face how much she loves her pearl-white Lexus SUV.
A smile twists my mouth as I watch her. My chest puffs up in pride again. She deserves the whole world. My life wouldn’t look anything like this if not for her.
Fuck, I love my mom.
We hug and say our goodbyes, then I hold the door open for her while she climbs inside.
“See you soon, sweetheart.” She blows me another kiss as she backs out of the parking spot. After she pulls out, I climb into my own SUV.
I hop on the highway and head home, music playing filling the interior. The combination of seeing my mom and the music thumping through the speakers seems to have finally calmed me down. I can breathe again. Even though I now have more questions I need to answer.
The garage door lifts in front of me when I hit the opener. After I park and make sure the garage door closes behind me, I head into the house.
Before I go upstairs, I decide to take a quick detour to grab a glass of water to take with me. I plan to settle in bed for the night. Maybe watch a movie or something until I knock out.
When I get upstairs, I set the glass on my nightstand with my wallet, keys, and phone. Then I kick my shoes off and put them in the closet. Dirty laundry goes straight into the hamper. No clutter of clothes or shoes laying around for me. Things have a place for a reason.
I grab the remote and power on the TV. Pulling back the blankets, I climb onto the Wyoming king mattress.
Wyoming king. Look them up. They’re a thing. Who knew?
It’s a bit bigger than a California king. It fits in my master suite perfectly, but more importantly, it fitsmecomfortably. I’m no hulk, but I’m a big dude at 6’1”, and I tend to sprawl when I’m asleep. I need space.
Hotel beds on the road are not my favorite since they're usually standard Kings. My feet are guaranteed to be fucking freezing as they hang of the bed. To combat the footsicles I develop on the road, I always bring sleep socks. Those are the only pajamas you’ll ever catch me wearing. Sleeping naked is the only way to do it. And I absolutely refuse to wear socks when I’m home.
While I scroll aimlessly through the channels, trying to find something to hold my interest, I snag my phone off the nightstand.
My heart bangs erratically against my ribcage. There’s a notification. From the Xbox app.
It’s from Sky. Fuck. I didn’t even hear the notification come in.
Of course I click into the app immediately.
Skysthelimit: Hey, LTB.