Page 82 of Don't Look Down
Sky is here, asleep in the downstairs guest room. We decided it would be easier than driving all the way to his house and back since we’d gotten back to the marina much later than planned.
In case it’s not clear, he’s in my home.
Sleeping by himself.
In a bed that’s not mine.
The thought doesn’t sit well. It feels wrong. Something is out of place.
Damn Savannah and Leigh for adding fuel to the fire. I was handling my attraction to him so well on my own, ignoring it as much as I could. Now, their meddling has only made thingsmore difficult for me. They’re giving me hope that I can actually have something real with Sky.
I’d convinced myself I was okay with us just being friends. But now I’m seeing possibilities. My thoughts and desires are a consuming swirl in my head. These desires I have no business feeling for my best friend.
“Jesus Christ, you’re thinking so loud you woke me up. Are you thinking about how to pull your head out of your ass and get your man?” Savannah’s voice is heavy and thick with sleep. She stirs and shifts next to me before settling on her stomach, head resting on her arm. Her blue eyes watch me unflinchingly.
Groaning, I roll onto my back and cover my eyes with my hands. “It’s too early for your shit, Sav.”
“It’s too early for you to be thinking this hard, Spence. It’s simple,” she persists.
Tossing the covers back, I stand and pull on a pair of athletic shorts. She grabs an old shirt of mine and follows me downstairs while pulling it on.
If she’s going to continue with this, I’m going to need fuel. I make my way into the kitchen and snag a container of overnight oats. I set it on the island and move toward the pantry for some almonds and dried berries to throw on top.
She’s staring at me as I move about the kitchen. It’s driving me insane. “Stop fucking looking at me like that, Savannah.”
“How am I looking at you,Landon?”
“I don’t know.” I gesture at her face. “Like that. Just fucking stop it.”
She just watches me. Eyebrows raised, waiting for me to cave.
“Fuck.” My eyes raise to the ceiling. Hands in my hair, I give the strands a tug. Finally, I force myself to meet her eyes. “You’re looking at me like you see too much.”
“That’s because I do. I can see how much you want him, Spence. Anyone with eyes can see it if they actually look at you. You watch him like you can already taste him. And you haven’t even noticed it’s been weeks since we’ve had sex. We slept naked.Naked. And nothing. You don’t want me anymore. Not like you want him.” Her hand rests on my arm. “And that’s okay. We knew this was temporary. We’ve run our course, but now you have to go after him.”
“It can’t be that simple. We have to talk about this. “
“No, we don’t. It's honestly just that simple.”
It’s infuriating how calm and logical she’s being. I turn to pace away from her, but she pulls me to a stop.Dammit.She tugs my arm until I turn around to face her.
“What?” The word is practically a growl.
“Listen to me, Landon.” She only calls me by my first name when she’s serious. Her tone straightens my spine. “You know I love you. You’re one of my best friends in this world. I want you to be happy. Don’t use me as an excuse to hide.”
“I’m not hiding. I don’t hide.”
“Aren’t you doing exactly that?” There’s zero judgment in her voice as she calls me on my shit. “I see this chemistry between you two. It’s magnetic and intense. And we both know that’s missing for us. We were fun while we lasted. But maybe you’re meant to be more than friends with Sky. But clearly, we aren’t. You owe it to yourself to try. I’ve always understood and respected your bisexuality. It has nothing to do with me not being enough for you and everything to do with me just not beingwhoyou need. He makes your heart and soul shine through your eyes. And Landon?” Sav uses my name again to ensure I’m still paying attention. And God knows I’m. Paying. Attention. “That’s beautiful. And priceless. You have to leap. Who knows if you’ll ever have this chance again.”
Hands on hips, I tilt my eyes to the ceiling. Lord save me from insightful, well-meaning friends.
I can’t answer her. As much as I want to refute what she said, I can’t.
Because what if she’s right?
“Be real here. We knew this wouldn’t be forever, Landon. So stop pretending otherwise.”
“You’re being quite brutal this morning.”