Page 28 of On the Mountain

“Fine.” I turned and stalked back to the stump. “I’ll just sit here like a good boy and leave you alone.”

Crow ignored my temper tantrum. He just continued with his work. And I continued to pout…for what had to be over an hour while Crow went about his business, preparing his property for the winter.

I knew it wasn’t personal. I was simply the only person he’d ever allowed here. Though maybe that wasn’t true. Maybe the man he fucked came to his home. That thought felt like sandpaper against my skin. I couldn’t sit there and pout any longer, so I shoved to my feet. “I’m going for a walk.”

My feet hit the ground a little too hard as I headed away. Outside my own noises and those of the mountain around us, it was quiet, which was why I didn’t expect it when Crow grabbed me—I hadn’t even heard him coming.

“No.”

“No?” Anger burst out of me. “No? You don’t get to tell me what to do. And I’m not going to sit on a fucking stump all day in the cold and watch you fix shit. I get that you don’t trust me, that you don’t want to leave me alone in your house, and I know how big of a deal it is that I’m here at all, but that doesn’t mean you get to treat me like I’m useless!” I ripped my arm out of his grip and started to walk away, but Crow blocked my path.

“Not useless.”

“I don’t feel that’s true.” Ever. I didn’t ever feel like I wasn’t useless.

Crow ran a hand through his hair, which just fell again to hang around his face. I saw it then, the torment in his gaze. As much as I felt useless, he was struggling with how to do this. I had to remember that this wasn’t about him thinking I couldn’t help, but about him spending at least ten years doing everything alone.

“I’m sorry, Crow. I know you’re not used to this…and you told me you’re trying. I have a lot of issues. Relationships with people are hard for me to navigate. I can get a bit up and down, take things too personally, but I shouldn’t put my struggles on you.”

“You can get lost out there.”

Yes. I could. I’d done that before, hadn’t I? “I’ll sit on the stump. I promise.” I crossed my heart, wishing he would smile, but he didn’t.

Crow just signaled for me to follow him, and we walked back toward the house. When we got there, he asked, “Have you ever weatherproofed windows?”

I wondered if my eyes lit up the way my insides did. That simple question sent me soaring. “No, but I’m a fast learner.”

Crow nodded, and we got to work.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Crow

I taught Cyrus how to weatherproof the windows. We got some of them done, then went inside and I made us lunch. I could tell he wanted to help, but thankfully, he didn’t ask. I didn’t eat food I hadn’t made with my own hands. It was even hard for me to eat things from the store in the beginning, but as long as it was closed and untampered with, I’d gotten over that.

It was making me antsy, having someone in my space, doing things with me. In The Enlightened, people had worked in groups a lot, but I wasn’t always a part of that. It depended on Chosen’s mood. Sometimes he would order me to join everyone, saying I was soft, that I didn’t have it in me to be the kind of leader I needed to be, and outside of pain, that was a way to teach me. Other times, he kept me close because I was supposed to emulate him, and he was Chosen, so he didn’t have to do mundane things—since it was through him that we got a better life on earth and through him that we got to heaven. That gave him a pass on other things.

After lunch, we finished the windows. I double-checked my salt, fuel, and propane supply. Last week I’d already serviced the snowplow and snowmobile, so I knew those were fine.

I needed to bring him home, yet I didn’t. I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t doing it. While he kept me on edge, there was also something soothing about having him here. About the way he smiled at his book when he read and the sounds he made when he ate.

We had dinner together too, and while I cooked, Cyrus settled into his corner of the couch, tucked in with his book, like he belonged there. “Have you read all the books on your shelves?”

“Not the top shelf. Those are for this winter.” Along with the internet, I’d learned more about the outside world, about people, through reading.

“Shit. I’m sorry I took one you haven’t read.”

I shook off his concern but didn’t reply. I just watched him. I liked watching him.

When Cyrus said he was tired, I nodded, secured the house, turned off the lights, and went with him to his room.

“You can’t stay awake all night again.” No, I couldn’t, but I’d catnapped some. “You also can’t stay on the floor again.”

“Go to sleep, little lamb,” I said, conversation done.

With a sigh, he pulled a pillow and a blanket from the bed and brought them to me. When I didn’t take them right away, Cyrus set them beside me, walked back to the bed, stripped out of his clothes, and climbed in. “Get the light, would you?”

What I really wanted was to worship his body again, sink inside his ass and never leave it. Instead, I shut off the light and sat on the floor against the wall. I pulled the blanket over me, and when he started snoring softly, I lay down with my head on the pillow that smelled like him.