Page 36 of On the Mountain
With a man I hardly knew.
It was a terrible decision.
It sounded glorious.
I focused on the soft sounds of Crow’s breathing until the sun began to rise. The second it did, he stirred, and I knew he was already waking up.
Crow didn’t linger beside me—I knew he wouldn’t—and he didn’t cuddle close or just let himself be. He pushed straight to his feet, his cock half-hard and close to my face. It would be so easy to push up onto my knees and take him into my mouth. I’d love to blow him, to curl up on the couch with his cock in my mouth and just suck on him for hours. The thought put me at peace, made me feel relaxed and content.
Crow held his hand out for me, and I took it. Nerves prickled my nape—I’d been unsure how today would go—but he only led me to the bathroom and…oh…he was running me a bath. “Thank you. Will you get in with me?”
He nodded, and this time, his lack of words didn’t hurt. I’d realized that when Crow was feeling a lot of things—stress, anger, confusion—he spoke even less than he usually did. Maybe that would change. Maybe it never would. Maybe I wouldn’t be here long enough to find out.
When the tub was almost full, Crow got in first. I climbed between his legs and settled in. He used a washcloth and ran it over my shoulders, down my back and chest. He’d never done this with anyone before—that had been obvious the first time we’d bathed together—but he was good at it. He was good at taking care of people. Those things must just come naturally to some. Even if they weren’t shown love, they still knew how to love others the way animals knew instinctually to protect their young.
I knew he wouldn’t let me wash him, and as much as I wanted to ask, I didn’t.
Time felt like it both stilled and went too fast, so I couldn’t say how much of it passed. When Crow tapped my shoulder, I knew it was time to get out.
He gave me clothes and we dressed together, then went to the kitchen. I took my meds as he started cooking breakfast. He was going all out this morning with coffee, bacon, hash browns, eggs, and toast. I sat at the bar and watched him. “Do you like cooking?”
Crow nodded.
“Well, that’s nice because I suck at it but enjoy eating.”
He gave me a small grin, and I nearly fell off the stool, my heart beating a million beats a minute. This was the first time I’d seen Crow grin. As if he’d noticed, it immediately slid from his face. Goddamn it. I wanted it to last. I wanted to see him do it again and again.
I chatted off and on as Crow cooked, not wanting to bother him too much. When the food was ready, he piled a bunch on a plate and gave it to me before filling a glass of orange juice. “You’re good at spoiling people. I’m warning you now, if you keep doing it, I’ll keep accepting it. I’m learning real quick that I enjoy being spoiled.” His brows drew together, and somehow I knew he was asking about my mom. “Sometimes. She tried real hard, but drugs didn’t always make it possible. She never abused me or was mean to me when she was high, but when she needed drugs, she was selfish and that was all that mattered. But she loved me. And she was a good mom. She just had a disease.”
I didn’t want anyone to ever think badly of her.
Crow nodded, and damn, did I appreciate it.
He made his plate, then stood on the other side of the counter while we ate. When we finished, he took my plate, and then for the first time since we’d woken up, he spoke. “Be right back.”
It was my turn to nod as he went to the door, put on boots and his coat. I sat there waiting, but it was only a couple of minutes before Crow returned with the box of my mom’s things and a few bags filled with who knew what.
“Thank you. God, thank you so much.”
He set them on the table, and I rushed over, just as Crow said, “I’m going to…go.”
“Where?” Panic nearly choked me. It was a ridiculous reaction. I was a grown man. There wasn’t any reason I couldn’t be alone.
“To the shop.”
“Can I go too?”
He shook his head, making my body sag, but I tried to force away those feelings. Don’t be too needy, don’t be too needy, don’t be too needy. But I didn’t know how long this would last, and I wanted to soak it all in while I could.
“There’s a room out there that’s only mine…and I need to go, but I can’t…”
He couldn’t bring me, and he was nervous for me to stay. “I’ll go through my stuff and stay in the living room, kitchen, or my room like we said.”
He pushed behind his ear the strands of hair that often fell onto his face, but it only fell back down again. Crow ducked his head in a way that I took to be an okay or thank you, and then he was gone and I was alone in his house.
Crow trusted me. I understood the enormity of that.
I stood there, unsure what to do, so used to being with him even though it had been a short time. Crow was the quietest person in the world, but somehow the house felt too quiet without him.