Page 79 of Wilds of the Heart

“They liked my poems,” I whispered, staring at my screen and afraid to actually open the message.

What if the rest of the message read,you’ve been accepted to join in via zoom to see the real winners?

No, this really was happening.

I sat in stunned silence as my mind whirred nonstop. My words meant something to someone.

My fingers zipped with excitement as I clicked the message open. My heart raced as my eyes scanned the specifics.

Three months' accommodations at the Great Smoky Mountain Retreat include food and beverages.

One-thousand-dollar monthly stipend.

Weekly workshop at the Artist House.

Bi-weekly lectures at the College of Poetics.

Monthly readings at Smoky Mountain Bookshop.

Chapbook published at the end of residency to include 500 personal and promotional copies.

I drew a shaky breath and let it out slowly. A thousand bucks wouldn’t cover my house payment here, but I could pull from my savings.

And the thought of giving lectures terrified me. What did I know that they didn’t?

I reread the letter and closed my eyes.

From the moment I saw this residency, it felt like it had spoken to me. After all, Grandma Cecilia loved the Great Smoky Mountains. It had felt like a sign from her.

Yet this was no longer following a whim or trusting my gut.

I actually got accepted and would have to uproot my life for three months, all to write poetry in peace and experience camaraderie with other poets.

But was I really a poet?

I suddenly felt like an imposter pretending to know what I was doing with words. I wasn’t soulful or imaginative.

These words just plopped together and meant something to me.

I let out a little groan and fell back on my pillows as I stared at the bottom of the message. I had one week to accept the offer before it was offered to anotherpoet.

It was as if the world faded away, and apprehension filled my veins. My breath caught in my throat.

Lucas.

We’d finally made it over the hurdle. We were a couple. Would it be fair to expect him to do long-distance with me for a few months?

I shook my head at the thought. Was I just dooming our relationship from the beginning if I accepted this residency?

I closed my laptop and wandered out of my bedroom in a daze.

This morning, everything felt so easy and simple.

Like I was on the right track and then—bam.

“What’s got you down?” Mimi asked, pushing her walker into the kitchen.

“Oh, nothing.”