Page 42 of Sonata of Lies

“Clara…”

“I know. I know, and I still hate myself for it.” I close my eyes and wonder, if I squeeze them shut hard enough, will that blind away the memory of Martin pinning me to the bed? “It hurt so bad. I wasn’t ready and I didn’t know what to do. He just kissed my tears and kept telling me how beautiful I was when I cry. How much he loved hearing my screams for him. It’s like he didn’t know I was in so much pain.”

Demyen is silent. It’s the kind of silence that I imagine comes right before his fist connecting with someone’s face.

“He didn’t take me home until the next morning. I barely got to sleep. Every time I did, he just… woke me up to go again. He didn’t care how much I cried or begged him to let me rest, he just kept telling me I was his and I needed to give him what he wanted.”

At least he let me go home in the early morning. I could barely walk. He didn’t get out of the car to help me. Parts of my clothes were torn, and I didn’t have the chance to take a shower or clean up. So when Mom opened the door and saw me, she thought the absolute worst.

In retrospect, she was right.

“That was the first time I ever saw my mom hit my dad.” I actually manage a small laugh. “She went at him like a bat out of hell. He was so shocked, he didn’t do anything in retaliation.”

Demyen chuckles. “Runs in the family?”

“Yeah. Mom always did try to protect me, even when she couldn’t. She’d take my beatings, or take the blame, and just made my life as easy as she could manage. But that morning, she was done with Dad’s bullshit. Her exact words, by the way. Somewhere between ‘how could you’ and ‘do something.’”

“So did your dad actually do anything?”

I shrug. “He must have. Martin didn’t call me for two whole weeks. I actually thought we were done, and honestly? I was relieved. So was Mom. Even Dad was nicer to both of us right after it happened. I guess he never imagined Martin would go that far.”

Demyen’s fingers are tracing slow circles along my back. It feels so nice, so soothing. I don’t know how he managed to do it, but somehow, he figured out just what I need to keep me grounded in the present even when I’m spiraling in my memories.

I don’t know how or when he became the one person I can open up to like this.

I’m just glad it happened.

“Obviously, it didn’t last.” He sighs. “Martin came back.”

“He did.” And not because I wanted him to. He just showed up one day, flowers in hand and apologies for any misunderstandings falling from his lips. That was really the only clue I had that Dad really did talk to him. “At first, it was like how he used to be. He’d shower me with gifts and take me out.”

“But…”

“Yeah.But. He started feeling me up more. Kissing me more, and never when I actually wanted him to. I’d get so embarrassed the way he’d fawn all over me in public. Then one day, he picked me up from school, took me to his place, and locked the door. Said it was time for me to stop teasing him and give him what he wants.”

I feel Demyen’s arm tense around me. It’s sweet. I press my face to his warm, bare chest just to breathe him in and remind myself I’m here, with him. Martin is so far away, in time and in space.

“I get the feeling that I don’t want to know what he made you do,” Demyen grumbles.

“You really don’t.” I sigh and trace a finger along the ridge of his abs. He’s so strong, so incredibly carved from marble. Does he know what he does to me? Even now, I feel so safe in his arms. “I guess my one reprieve was that he’s not that, ah… well, let’s put it this way: he’s not you.”

He chuckles, but it’s empty of any real humor. He tucks another wild curl behind my ear. “So why didn’t you leave him?”

“I tried. Really, I did actually try. When graduation came around, I had acceptance letters from three different colleges all across the country that I didn’t tell him about. Mom knew, of course. But we kept the secret from Dad, too. Just in case.”

“Smart.”

“Yeah. By that point, they were basically partners, so who knew? So I did my best to stop answering his calls as often, and I’d try to make plans when I knew he’d ask me out for a date. When I couldn’t avoid him completely, I did my best to be as boring for him as possible. Especially in bed.”

Demyen scoffs. “You’d have to limp fish your way through that to be boring.”

I try not to beam at the compliment. This is a serious discussion we’re having about the past with Martin, not about the present heat between us. “Well, I did. I’d just lie there and stare at theceiling and hoped he’d get bored. Whatever we did, I wanted him to know I was checked out and done.”

“I’m guessing it didn’t work.”

I slowly shake my head, then lay it down on his chest to stare off at the sandy shoreline as dusk settles over us. “I finally got the courage to tell him I was leaving. I tried to have a serious conversation with him—this was a few days after my graduation—and I told him that this would be better for us. He could find someone who actually wants him and I wouldn’t be such a burden to him.”

Again, his hands still. Probably because he can hear the trepidation in my voice.