Page 26 of Below the Surface

I groan. “It’s—I feel?—”

“You feel embarrassed. I know,” Piper says. “Cam, you’ve been clear that you don’t want to prepare for our time together. You want spontaneity as much as possible.”

“Yes.”

“I know. But there are times when you may feel less uncomfortable with a little preparation—or, less self-conscious,” Piper says.

I look at my lap.

“Look at me.”

“Piper,” I begin. I take a deep breath. “I know I say I’ll try my best not to give you any shit—I never meant that literally.”

Piper stares at me for a minute and erupts in laughter.

“I’m serious!”

“I know,” Piper says. “But you can’t deflect this conversation with humor, Cameron. Seriously. If you can tell me how good something feels when we’re intimate, you should be able to talk to me about what doesn’t feel right.”

“It felt more than right until it got gross.”

“Well, bodies sometimes don’t obey our wishes. For the record, it didn’t bother me. But itdoesbotheryou.Enough to make you tense and even withdrawn.”

I look at her. “Piper, I didn’t mean to pull away.”

“Limits, Cam. Sometimes, we don’t know our limits until we reach them. We need to talk about what happens between us. That extends to our lives in and out of the bedroom.”

“It’s hard for me.”

“I know it is,” Piper says. “I think we should talk about a little preparation before we engage in anybackdoorbusiness.”

My jaw drops.

She winks.

“That’s not exactly sexy,” I say.

“Some people find it sexy.”

I cringe and she laughs.

“Clearly, not you,” Piper says. “Iwon’t be a part of any preparation, Cam. Okay? But I will let you know when I want you to be ready. And that doesn’t guarantee what will unfold between us—it’s just?—”

“Prep. I get it.”

“Since you were valedictorian, I imagine you do.”

I finally laugh. Piper expertly walks a tightrope between authority and gentility. Her smile registers in every cell of my body.

“I love you, Cam,” Piper says. “Please believe me. I love being with you—just being with you. There isn’t anything you can ask for or ask me to stop that will change how much I love you.”

I settle into Piper’s arms and exhale. “Piper?”

“Hm?”

“I love you, too. More than I think you know.”

Piper’s grip on me tightens. “I know,” she whispers. “I know.”