Page 90 of The Honest Affair
“Yeah,” I agreed with Derek. “It runs real deep.”
He nodded, almost as if in awe. “Not a total loss, then.”
“No,” I said. “Definitely not.”
He gave me a sharp slap on the shoulder. “Don’t be a stranger, you hear?”
I nodded. “Thanks, man. You too.”
* * *
I droppedmy briefcase on the floor with a smack when I returned home, half-inclined to kick it clear across the floor.
“Shoes off, Zio!” called Sofia from the living room, where she was happily ensconced on the sofa watching TV while she chattered to a couple of dolls. It was the tail end of Frankie’s spring break, and she and Sofia had been enjoying a week-long “staycation.” Which also meant I hadn’t seen Nina in just as long.
“Hey,” Frankie said as she looked up with surprise from the kitchen, where she was making coffee. “That was quick. How’d it go?”
I slumped onto a barstool and scowled. “They found out about Italy.”
Frankie grimaced, though it wasn’t with much surprise. When I had told her my plans to be an interpreter for Nina de Vries, my sister had tried to talk me out of it for over a month. It wasn’t until I threatened to tell Sofia the name “Xavier” that she finally shut up about it.
“Ah, Mattie. I…”
“I swear to God, Frankie, if you say I told you so, I will strangle you with that apron you’re wearing.”
My sister just rolled her eyes, and went about pouring herself a cup of coffee. She held up the pot. I nodded, and she poured me a mug.
“So, what does that mean?” she asked tentatively as she doctored hers up, then handed me mine black.
“It means I’m officially a career bartender until I get some interviews lined up.” I shrugged. “Cardozo said he’d give me a reference, even if the DA won’t. I don’t know. I’ll check the public defender’s office. Maybe there’s something there, if not at Legal Aid.”
“Will that...will that be enough?” Frankie asked tentatively. “To cover everything, I mean?”
I stared into the bitter black liquid. Right now, I sort of wanted to drown in it. I hated that she even had to ask me this, that she couldn’t just trust me to take care of her and Sof like I always had. Right now I was a failure in more ways than one.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I guess we’ll find out.”
“Well, I have to ask, though,” Frankie said. “Are you going to learn from this?”
I looked up. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
She walked around the kitchen counter to sit with me at the bar.
“It means…” She sighed. “It means have you finally figured out that this girl is nothing but trouble? I mean, I hoped you had, considering you haven’t seen her at all for the last couple of months, right?”
I opened my mouth to tell her that there was nothing going on, that she didn’t need to ask that question, and that I was doing just fine on my own. But found I couldn’t say any of it. I hadn’t been lying to my sister for the last three months, exactly, but I certainly hadn’t told her that Nina and I were engaged either. Maybe it was even a little exciting, at first, waiting until Frankie had left for the day while Nina waited at a cafe around the block. Ten minutes later, a knock at my door, and Nina and I were consecrating our to-be marriage all over my damn house. Yeah, it was fun sneaking around. Sometimes.
But most days were heavier. Every time I saw Frankie or anyone else in my family, the news of my engagement was on my tongue. I had to endure strange looks when I protested a little too loudly at the idea of being set up with another friend’s daughter or told Frankie I was staying the night at Quinn’s (instead of the Grace). I didn’t like lying to my family. Even when I was sleeping my way around New York City, they still knew about it, to some extent. Now I had someone in my life who would be my wife, and God willing, the mother of my children at some point. And I couldn’t tell a soul.
Suddenly I was full of action. I needed to get out of this house. I needed to get out of this city. More than anything, I needed to see the one person with whom I could be completely honest, even if it was just to sit next to her and pretend I was nothing but a family friend.
“I’m leaving,” I told Frankie. “Give Sofie a kiss for me.”
“Where are you going?” she called. “We never get to see you!”
“Job hunting,” I lied yet again, hating myself even more. “Don’t wait up.”