Page 42 of Deny Me

Fuck!

Way to be strong, Evelyn.

Forcing a laugh, I pulled away, walking to distance myself from his grip. “Sorry about that. I’ve been supes busy.”

Supes? Really? God, my inner dialogue was being a bitch.

He tilted his head to the side and watched me with narrowed eyes. I could only imagine what he thought of me putting more distance between us. Apparently my avoidance tactic wasn’t working, and he wasn’t getting the message that we need to go back to our pre-Jamaica relationship. I was saved from any questions when the door opened and Luella came running at me full force.

We hugged each other tightly, squealing and rocking side to side. I peeked over her shoulder and saw Jameson staring at me as he greeted Jack with a manly back-slap.

I put it aside and focused my attention on Lu. “God, look at you! So tan.” I pushed her, spinning her and looking her over. “Did you lose weight? It was probably all that crazy sex you had.”

For the first time, I felt some normalcy when I looked for Jameson’s reaction and caught his annoyed stare. Smiling, I pushed her to share more, feeling something both let go and tighten all at once. It was what I wanted. This push back to normalcy. I wanted to leave behind the sexual tension and desire.

“Does she look thinner, Jamie-Boy?” I asked with a wink. “Man, I bet Jack worked her over good to burn those kinds of calories.”

He threw his hands up, walking past a giggling Lu. I looked to Jack, shrugging.

“You’re going to get me killed one day, when her brother gets fed up with you rubbing our sex life in his face.”

“Oh, calm down, Jack. He’s a giant teddy bear. You could totally take him.”

Shaking his head, he came over and gave me hug. “Got to say, I missed that humor of yours.”

Lu and I moved to our table while the guys grabbed the drinks. Thankfully I didn’t have to worry about any awkwardness with Jameson because I spent the whole lunch getting caught up on what happened on the honeymoon. I pushed Lu to tell me all the places she had sex, just to hear Jameson groan. She laughed, but didn’t spill the beans. I’d corner that bitch and get the goods later.

“So, what about you two?” Lu asked, leaning back in her chair. “Did you two see each other much?”

I fought the heat climbing up my chest. I saw whole hell of a lot of Jameson was the first thought that popped into my head. Instead, I settled on looking at my fingers playing with the napkin next to me and said, “Umm … I just hung out. I saw Jameson a little bit here and there.”

Jameson’s large hand came into view before settling on top of mine causing my heart to jump into my throat. For a second, I was frozen looking at how dainty my hand looked beneath his long, rough fingers.

“Yeah, we saw a little of each other,” Jameson agreed, stroking my fingers.

“Uhhh…” Lu dragged out. I still hadn’t looked up from his hand on mine, but her words jarred me out of my stillness and I jerked back, standing.

Keeping my head down, I grabbed my bag and muttered quickly, unable to meet anyone’s eyes. “Um, I totes forgot something huge. Like really huge. I gotta go. So much fun getting caught up with you. Lunch was fab. But I remembered something and I have to go. So good to see you. We’ll talk later. I have work. I gotta go.”

Fuck, I was a rambling, repetitive mess. I wasn’t even making sense. I tripped over nothing on the floor on my way out and almost dropped everything. I threw a goodbye wave up over my shoulder and kept my eye on the door when I heard the scrape of another chair scooting back.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Make it out. Make it out. Just get to the door.

The pressure around my heart that I felt in Jamaica that last day came back with a force, interrupting my breathing. Fuck, it was hard to breathe.

I was running by the time I cleared the door. I saw my car. I was going to make it. I just needed to hold it together until I got to my car. I could sort it out when I got home. I just needed space to remind myself how to get back to normal. Jameson’s hand had simply set me off. I needed space to get back to where I was this morning. Space.

I was clicking my key fob when a hand landed on my shoulder, halting my progress. I tried to keep my back to him, but Jameson pulled me around to face him. His eyebrows were scrunched over narrowed eyes.

“What the hell was that, Evie?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I just have things to do.” Deny, deny, deny.

“Don’t give me that shit. You’re running like a scared cat just because I held your hand. My touch didn’t seem so shocking in Jamaica,” he defended.

“We’re not in Jamaica anymore, Jameson,” I shouted, looking at him directly for the first time since we walked out.

His head jerked back like I’d slapped him. “What … What does that mean?”

“Yes, we fucked in Jamaica. But you’re my best friend’s brother. You’re my family, and I won’t screw that up because you can make me orgasm.” It all came pouring out. Everything I’d tried to hide with avoidance just spilled from my lips. I didn’t care about the massacre they left behind. “What do you want from me? A relationship?” I said with a sneer. “Come on. You know me better than that. You know I don’t do relationships. Hell, I’ve never fucked anyone as long as we did in Jamaica.”

“It wasn’t just fucking. I thought you felt something, Evelyn.” His anger was starting to peek out past the confusion.

“I did feel something. I felt good. I felt turned on. You were my fling in Jamaica. But we’re home now. I’m ready to get back to the way we work as a family. And I thought that would be easier if we didn’t announce that we fucked like bunnies in Jamaica.” I was breathing heavily from my rant. I propped my hands on my hips, trying to brace myself for his rebuttal.

But it never came. He stood there with pinched lips and arms crossed across his chest. The silence lasted too long. It may have only been thirty seconds, but it felt like thirty years.

“I’m sorry.” I said before I turned to get in my car, not looking back as I pulled out of the lot.