Page 61 of Deny Me

I had already told one lie, what was wrong with a couple more to help me sleep?

* * *

I jerked awake, looking around my dark room to find what had woken me. A loud banging came from my door and I squinted my eyes at the clock to see what time it was: eight thirty-two. I’d been asleep for five hours. Fuck. I never slept that much. Dragging my hands over my face and hair, I tried to focus.

The banging came again, and I stepped out of bed. I didn’t know who could’ve been knocking on my door, but I had an idea. I stepped lightly on the hardwood, making sure I didn’t make any noise and didn’t turn on any lights.

Leaning in, I looked through my peephole to see a tired Jameson scowling on the other side. With tears pricking my eyes, I let myself take him in through the tiny shard of glass. Even with dark circles under his eyes to match my own and more facial hair than usual, he looked stunning in a heather gray shirt. He took up the whole area I could see with his broad shoulders. Lost in my perusal of him, I jerked when the pounding came again.

I eased myself down on the floor next to the door and waited him out. I wasn’t strong enough to let him in.

“Evelyn. Open up!” he shouted. “Please!” he said more quietly. I didn’t know if he knew I was on the other side. “I know you’re in there. I saw your car in the parking garage.” Fuck. “I don’t know why you’re doing this.” His words had gotten even quieter. “I don’t even know if you can hear me. But I hope you can. Unlike you, I’m not some chicken-shit too scared to say things to your face,” he delivered with a small laugh. He knew I had a hard time backing down from a challenge. But my body was tired, and I sat silently on the floor.

A hard thud hit my door, and his words came out muffled like he’d dropped his head to the surface. “I love you.” My chest pinched, and the tears I’d been fighting began to fall down my cheeks. “I really do, and I think we all know how shocking that is considering the amount of bickering we do. But I do love you. And I think you love me too. But I think your mom put some thoughts in your head and scared you. Which is funny, because the Evelyn I know would never run scared. Would never send a text message to break up with me. But I …” he paused, and for a second I wondered if he was going to walk away. “But I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to reach you. Because while you usually aren’t a chicken shit, you are always stubborn. So, I guess …” My eyes were closed, shutting off my other senses so I could savor the deep sound of his voice longer. “I guess I want you to know that I’m more stubborn, and I’ll wait you out. I’ll even wait you out of Italy. You’ll come back and I’ll be here.”

I shook my head against the wall, not wanting that from him. Jameson had been through so much, and he was on the cusp of finally doing things for himself. I wouldn’t be the reason he held back any longer. I didn’t want to always make him wait for me. Because there would be other opportunities that took me away and I didn’t want to keep asking myself if I was sacrificing myself for him. And I didn’t want him to do the same for me.

“I love you, Evelyn. Every sassy, stubborn, pain-in-the-ass inch of you. I love you.”

And he was gone. I heard the heavy fall of his shoes on the carpet outside my door, slowly fading away.

Finally opening my eyes, they landed on the laptop on my coffee table; which had mocked me all week. I should’ve gotten up and responded to that email. Instead, I rolled to my feet and resumed my spot on my bed.