Page 66 of Deny Me
Frozen in shock, I stared off at the wall, blinking, trying to come to terms with her confession. I wanted to be angry at her for instilling the fear of love in me. But at the same time, I’d gotten to where I was because of the way she raised me.
“I’m sorry, Evelyn. I should’ve done better.”
“You did the best you could, Mom.” I admitted, even if her best wasn’t always right. “I’m successful because of the way you raised me.” I licked my lips and wiped tears from my face. “Why…” I hesitated with my next question. “Why did you never date again?”
“I guess I held on to that anger for too long. And by the time I was ready to move on, I was settled in my ways. I had you. I had the job I’d put on hold and I didn’t want to change that for anything. Watching you grow up into a beautiful woman, I knew boys would be knocking down your door. I needed to protect your future and I did that the best way I knew how.”
Another silence stretched between us. She was always the best at waiting me out.
“So … what do I do now?”
“You love him?”
“Yes. More than anything.”
“Then don’t give up. Love was taken from me. Don’t give up on your first try.” Hearing her say something so far off from what she’s told me my entire life was like a weight lifted off my chest. She always supported me and when she was in opposition to Jameson and I, it hurt to not have her support for the first time ever. But for her to tell me his, was like I had her blessing and it was comforting to be back on the side of her un-ending support. However, I still struggled with what to do next.
“I don’t know how,” I whined. “What about the next time something comes up and we have to choose between our relationship and our dreams? If I go back now, we could just hit another speed bump later. Then it would only be a matter of time before a speed bump became a wall.”
“Well … you’re my daughter. You succeed. I’ve never known you to fail a challenge without giving it everything you’ve got. You smash through walls; not let them halt your progress.”
A spark of confidence flared inside me, hinting at what I had lost over the previous weeks. I reached out and held on, stoking the flames. I was Evelyn Valero. And for the first time in a while, it actually meant something.