Page 32 of Belong With Me
Jason tucks his phone away. “Mad? No—well, maybe.
But not at me. Maybe a little at me.” He laughs at himself.
“I didn’t tell him anything that’s going on here.”
I didn’t really tell anyone either. But Jason seems so close to Aiden, so I ask, “How come?”
Jason pauses as he considers his response. “Aiden is a lot like how you are with Gia. He’s super protective and puts me and Jackson above himself. He’d drop everything to be here and try to make everything his problem so I don’t have to deal with it, but I don’t want him to do that.
He’s living his life now; he’s just starting out in his career, and he’s already given up so much of his life to raise me and Jackson, so I try not to drag him into any bullshit as much as I can.”
I’ve never met Aiden, but being compared to him seems like the highest of compliments from Jason. Both he and Jackson talk about him with reverence and respect.
“I’m sure he doesn’t consider it being dragged into your bullshit. It’s a natural instinct for older siblings, especially when it’s always been us against the world, like you and your brothers.”
Jason shakes his head at the memory. “He was adamant about getting custody and raising us all by himself, but Aiden was just a kid himself. How could he go away to school while taking care of us? We didn’t want to be a burden on him.”
“I doubt he considers you two a burden. I’d never think that of Gia, no matter how much trouble she causes.”
“Yeah, I know.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Natalia was helping out a lot, and we grew really close to her.
She was going through a messy divorce, and to be honest, I think having me and Jackson around causing trouble and keeping her busy kept her mind off it and lifted her spirits a bit. Our mom died when we were really young, and having Natalia is really . . .” He trails off, his jaw clenching as he looks away from me and down the road at nothing. A lump forms in my throat at the emotion in his voice when he says, “It’s nice, having a mom. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade my upbringing with Aiden for anything in the world, but . . .”
“I know, Jason,” I whisper, running my hand down his arm for support.
I should feel jealous—jealous that he has something I’ll never have, jealous that there’s an adult in his life who took him in and loves him unconditionally, and that he gets to experience having someone there to mother him, something I have never and will never experience. But I’m not jealous, not even the tiniest bit. I’m so freaking happy for Jason, glad that after everything he’s been through, he gets that happily-ever-after, that perfect life with the home where he’s always welcome no matter how old he gets and the warm bowl of soup made for him with love on a cold, sickly day.
“Sometimes I feel so damn guilty for not remembering almost anything about my real mom at all, for being happy with Natalia, for forgetting she’s not my actual mom.”
“There’s nothing to feel guilty about, Jason. You have someone you love, someone who loves you in return. Even if she wasn’t the one who gave birth to you, it doesn’t diminish her love for you or make her any less your mother. I’m sure your mom would be happy you have someone who cares about you as much as she did.”
I don’t mean to, but my voice cracks at the end, and Jason’s eyes widen. “Fuck, I’m sorry. That’s so fucking insensitive of me to say. I’m such an ass; I didn’t mean to make it seem like I’m complaining about this.”
“You’re not an ass,” I assure him. “You’re entitled to your feelings, and I love that you’re opening up to me.” I feel shy before I decide to admit, “It makes me feel closer to you.”
Jason’s face softens as he looks at me. “I don’t really open up to a lot of people, but it’s natural with you.
Sometimes I feel like I say too much, that I should shut up before I say something I shouldn’t.”
“Like what?” I prompt, my heart pounding.
He steps closer to me, his eyes holding me hostage.
“Like how I think the weird way you eat pizza crust first is actually really adorable. Or that I love the way the car smells like you even when you’re not in it. Or that you looking at me like you are right now is my favorite thing in the whole fucking world.”
I’m frozen to the spot, unable to move or take a full breath from this spell he’s put me under. “How am I looking at you?”
“Like you feel the exact same way I do.”
There’s no way Jason feels the same way I do. I feel better whenever he’s around, like he’s got everything together so it’s okay that I don’t. I feel happier every time I think about him, and when we’re together, none of my problems even matter. I feel cared for, supported, andheardby him. I feel things that I’m too scared to even admit to myself, because there’s no way Jason, this boy who’s so fucking amazing and sweet and thoughtful, could ever really feel the same way aboutme.
But still, even though I know the answer can’t possibly be the same as mine, I torture myself by asking, “And how’s that?”
Jason is so close to me. His hands grip my waist, and mine land on his chest, clutching the material there for support. My eyes flutter closed as his nose skims my cheekbone. “You really want me to say it?”
My voice is barely above a whisper. “I really do.”
His lips brush mine, and I shiver with both anticipation and jitters. “Siena, I l—”