Page 18 of Secret Sin
“What’s up?” I asked, concern sharpening my voice. I wasn’t scheduled to work that night, so a call from Conner had me on edge. Had something gone down at the club? We ran a multimillion-dollar underground gambling ring through a front known as the Bastion Club. Our activities usually flew under the radar, but every now and then, things got dicey.
“Nothing,” he grumbled. “Abso-fuckin’-lutely nothing.”
My face twisted with confusion. “Nothing? What the fuck is up with you?” It wasn’t like him to call for no reason.
Conner sighed loudly. “Noemi and Pippa wanted to go out tonight. I let them go to LAVO as long as they took Shae with them, but I’m not happy about it.”
Pippa was out at fucking LAVO, one of the hottest clubs in Manhattan? Every muscle in my body strained to the point of snapping. “What the fuck are they doing there?”
“Hey, don’t yell at me. It was your woman who pushed for a girls’ night out.”
My woman. That couldn’t feel further from the truth. I’d have better luck corralling smoke than I did Pippa Revello. Jesus.
That was it. No more fucking around. It was time for one last-ditch effort to win her over. To prove I could give her everything she needed. And if she didn’t want everything I had to offer, I’d finally admit that it wouldn’t work.
She wanted to experience the world. I’d fucking give it to her.
“Whatever. I’ve gotta go.” I hung up on him. With no time to waste, I called Callum.
“Yeah?” he answered, loud music in the background.
“I need you to head to my place,” I barked at him.
“What? I have plans tonight.”
“Cancel them and get your ass to my place.” I grabbed my keys, explaining what I needed from him as I marched to the elevator.
Some people talkthrough situations to cope, while others turtle—crawl into their shells and process internally. I was a turtler. When circumstances overwhelmed me, I withdrew from friends and family in order to sort through my thoughts and feelings. Mom called it disappearing into my cave.
My conflicted emotions about Bishop had pushed me to a point of turtling. I spent a solid week lost in my head, trying to decide what to do and how I felt. I thought about what I wanted from life and what it would mean to have Bishop be a part of that journey. I could feel my heart finding ways to rationalize a relationship with him. The independent side of me felt betrayed—like I’d given in to societal pressures to latch onto a man—and being upset about my feelings only made things worse.
With each day that passed, however, I inched closer and closer to a decision. I couldn’t deny that I wanted to give Bishop a chance. The part of me that had lobbied so hard for adventure and freedom felt defeated. To assure myself that I was still me and no man could take that away, I decided to drag Noemi clubbing with me. It was only the second time we’d ever managed to go to a club, and it was made possible because of a woman named Shae. She was a part of the Irish organization and some kind of badass fighter. Noemi’s husband insisted we take her as protection, which was no problem for me because Shae was awesome. And with her along, I was able to tell my dad my plans rather than sneak behind his back like I’d had to do before. Once Dad knew that Conner trusted Shae enough to protect Noemi, he agreed to let me go without my own escort.
I wore a stretchy white dress that clung to my curves, stopping just below my ass. It made my tan look spectacular and gave me the confidence to hide the fact that inside I felt like a train veering off its tracks.
Be the energy you want to attract.I’d read that on Instagram, and it struck a chord. If I projected independence and confidence, I would attract those qualities into my orbit, or so said the internet. I was still undecided on the matter.
“You are my idol,” I told Shae as we walked into the restroom after a couple of drinks. “I wish I was just like you in every way.”
She chuckled and raised a brow. “No one’s perfect, and no one has a perfect life.”
“Yeah, but you’re hot as hell, you can fight, AND you’re not attracted to men. I wish I didn’t like men,” I grumbled as I closed my bathroom stall door.
“Who said I’m not attracted to men?”
“Um … I don’t know. I thought you were into women?” I could have sworn Noemi had hinted at Shae batting for the other team, but now that I’d had a few drinks, I wondered if I’d been wrong.
“I’m attracted to men. I’m also attracted to women. I just decided years ago that men weren’t worth the hassle.”
“A-men!” My overzealous cheer echoed in the marble-lined bathroom, making me giggle.
“Right?” Shae agreed. “If all things are equal, women are definitely the better choice.”
I nodded as I finished my business. “So have you ever dated a man?” I exited the stall and caught her eyes in the mirror as she did the same. I was so freaking curious about her. How she’d learned to fight. Why she wanted to work alongside the Irish men. What conditioner she used to get such a glossy shine to her hair. All the important questions.
“A couple, but they rarely hold my interest.” She dropped her gaze to the sink as she washed her hands. “We’d better get back out. I wasn’t supposed to leave Noemi on her own.”
When we returned to our table, Noemi was right where we’d left her with a round of martinis waiting for us.