Page 4 of Reputation (Tempt)
“I’m done,” I said in a quiet voice. Hesitant despite how freeing it felt to admit those words aloud.
“You’ve said that before,” he said, brushing off my comment.
He was right, but I shook my head. “It’s different. I mean it this time.”
He stilled, perhaps sensing my sincerity. “Look, Em. I know you’re nervous, but we’ve got this. You will be ready for the USATF Indoor Championships by the time February rolls around. I promise. You just need to stay focused.”
I appreciated his confidence, but I wasn’t sure I had it in me.
“I’m just…so tired.” I slumped.
He narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. “Yeah, because that boss of yours works you too hard.”
“Dad,” I chided. “We’ve talked about this.”
I didn’t want to quit. I couldn’t quit. My sponsorships brought in some money, but they didn’t give me that sense of fulfillment that nannying did.
Besides, even if Nate was an ass, I couldn’t do that to Brooklyn. But something had to give. He gave me a pointed look, so I said, “I’m not quitting my job.”
“But you’ll quit on your goals?”Ouch.I tried not to wince.
“I’m not. I’m…ready to transition to something new.”
“That’s just it. You don’t have to. Not yet. There will still be time for your clothing line and whatever else you want to do later.”
“I’m tired of waiting,” I said. He’d been telling me the same thing for years.
I’d put off dreams of traveling, starting other projects, just…not being so regimented about every fucking thing.
“We’ve worked so hard for this. Are you really willing to throw it all away? And for what?” He threw his hands in the air, his tone growing agitated. “Something you aren’t even sure will work out?”
His words stung. And while I knew he’d only said them because he was upset, that didn’t lessen the hurt. Deep down, I suspected he was just trying to motivate me, but I hated when he got like this. It had happened more often lately, and it was only making things worse—both for my mental state and our relationship.
“Face it, Dad. You want this more than I do.”
He sighed and stared at the sky, the clouds blowing past as the silence descended between us. His frustration was palpable, and while I hated disappointing him, I couldn’t keep doing this.
Finally, he met my eyes. “Let’s get through the Indoor Championships. One more competition. Then, if you still want to quit, I’ll respect your decision.”
Right. Only because he secretly hoped I’d change my mind. Pinning his hopes on the fact that I’d do as well as I had in the past and that another taste of victory would make me eager to return to competition. But I already knew that even if I won, it wouldn’t make a damn difference.
“You’re twenty-eight,” he continued. “Almost twenty-nine. You won’t be able to do this for much longer. Hell, if I’d had the chance you do…”
I sighed, guilt mingling with frustration. My dad’s pro hockey career had been cut short by an injury. And while I certainly sympathized, I often felt as if he were pinning his hopes and dreams on me.
What about my goals? What about whatIwanted?
“Look, I know you think you’re ready to retire, but this is what we’ve worked toward for years. This was always your goal.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “And if you don’t compete soon, you’re going to lose your chance.”
You’re going to lose everything, was the unspoken threat hanging in the air.
He wasn’t just my dad and my coach; he was also my manager. He knew the stakes better than anyone.
Maybe I’d lose my chance to compete at the level I once had. And if it weren’t for the popularity of my tutorial videos and online hurdle challenges, I would’ve been more concerned with losing sponsors we’d spent years cultivating relationships with. Heptathletes weren’t as well-known or popular as other athletes, like Olympic gymnasts or professional tennis players. I’d had to work harder just to get their attention and keep it.
But ever since my injury, I’d realized there was so much more to life than competing and winning medals. Watching my best friend Kendall take care of her mom through cancer had been another powerful reminder. As had seeing her fall in love.
I couldn’t be happier for her, but sometimes it made my chest ache to see the way Knox looked at her—besotted. Or to know how much he loved her. Enough to fly home early from his pro soccer team’s game, even if his mysterious abrupt departure had sent the media into a stir.