Page 43 of A Foster Fling

Cole

Four Years Ago

Gabe left half an hour ago with Mom to go to the grocery store. Liam said he was staying behind, so I said I would stay too.

Usually, I ignore the kids my mom fosters, but there’s something about him that catches my eye anytime he’s around. I don’t know why, but when I’m around him, I feel different. It’s a good different. I don’t know how to explain it and I wish I did because it would make life so much easier.

I really like how he smirks at me when no one else is around. It’s like he saves those just for me, and it makes my heart stutter.

I wanted to talk to Gabe about how I felt, even though I know he’d probably beat me up for bothering him, but I have no one else to talk to. Mom is always busy with work or busy taking care of kids who aren’t hers. I haven’t spoke to our dad in months, so I don’t have anyone to turn to.

“Want some?” I look up from my game and see Liam standing in the doorway that leads to the kitchen. He holds up a spoon covered in chocolate, and in his other hand is a tub of chocolate frosting. I nod. Liam dips the spoon into the container and disappears into the kitchen, then returns with another spoon.

He sits next to me on the couch, so close that our legs are touching. I do my best to act like it doesn’t affect me, but right now, all I want to do is put my hand on his thigh and keep it there. Instead, I just put the spoon in my mouth and go back to playing my game, trying to ignore the swirling in the pit of my belly.

We sit in silence for over an hour, him passing me spoonfuls of chocolate and our legs touching softly. The container empties quickly and before long, Gabe and my mom walk into the house carrying bags of groceries.

Liam gets to his feet. “I’ll help.”

The way I feel at loss of his touch doesn’t go unnoticed. Just as he goes to walk out the front door, he turns to look at me and smirks.

A smile plays at the corner of my lips once he’s out of sight.

Is this what a crush feels like?

“Hey, shithead!” Gabe says once he is done helping. “Wanna hang out with me and Liam tonight? Mom got called into work and I figured we could all jam out and listen to music.”

I hesitate to answer because Gabe never wants to hang out with me, and he sure as hell never invites me to do anything. I know not to waste this moment because more than likely it won’t happen again, so I answer as if it didn’t affect me.

“Sure.”

“Meet me in my room later.” With that, he leaves with Liam out the front door.

I keep my cool, but on the inside, my stomach is doing flips. For two different reasons.

——

Cold water soaks my sandy body as the waves dance along the shore, waking me. The saltiness stings the burns on my back from the coals I rolled around on. The pier was closed, so I decided to lie under it instead and let the waves cover me.

I swallow hard, fighting back tears that I haven’t shed since I was thirteen.

I hate how I feel.

I hate howhemakes me feel.

And I hate how I can’t wrap my head around any of this. I’ve never been this confused in my entire life, not even when he kissed me for the first time. It felt…right, like that was exactly what was supposed to happen. Like he was meant to be there that night, not only to show me who I really was but to protect me from what was to come.

Liam has always been this figment in my mind, only bits and pieces of him I remembered. He was always the boy that was there the day my world crashed and burned to the ground. He was the boy that was there one day, then gone the next. He was the boy who showed me who I was when I had no idea that part of me even existed.

How is that I can barely remember him from when we were kids when I’m awake and conscious, but in my dreams, the floodgates open and an entire bank of memories pours out?

How is it that I want to choke him with my bare hands in one breath, and then fuck him senseless in the next?

Why can’t I hate him now like I have for all those years? What changed? Did I even hate him to begin with or am I just trying to place all my anger and hatred from losing Gabe on someone?

Closing my eyes, I try to remember something,anything, while I’m awake but only darkness covers my brain, and it pisses me off.

Sitting up, I clench my fist. “Fuuuuuck! Fuck, fuck!” My hands pound into the sand violently.