Page 3 of You Will Obey
Elijah leaned over, kissing me. “I know,” he said once our lips parted. “Your life was brutal, huh? Is that why you won’t let me in… not completely?”
I frowned, because I wasn’t sure I understood what he meant. “You know me as well as my wives, as well as Elliot does. There isn’t anything I’ve kept hidden from you, Eli.”
“I know you’ve been honest with me, Deacon, but I can’t help but feel like there’s still this wall between us,” Eli said.
I sat up, because I needed to find out where all this was coming from. “What do you mean?”
Eli sighed and laid back flat on the bed, looking up at the ceiling and its rotating fan. “At the risk of sounding petty, I still want to fuck you.” He turned to me now. “I want to feel that connection between us. To look into your eyes and see that I am giving you that pleasure the way you give it to me. I don’t mind bottoming for you, Deacon. In fact, I love and live for your cock to be inside of me. But…” He paused and I remained quiet to give him the opportunity to gather his thoughts. “I feel like you’re keeping me at a distance in regards to that, and I don’t know why.”
I ran my hands through my hair and sat up all the way now, my back to Elijah. The last thing I wanted was for Eli to have those feelings, like I was shutting him out. But he wasn’t wrong, I had been keeping him at a certain distance and even my wives never got to touch my ass. My aversion to anal sex was deeply rooted in my time with Winston. No one ever really questioned me about it, but Eli was my mate, a bond made by fate. He deserved the truth.
“Deacon,” he said and then he sat up next to me, wrapping his arm around my waist. “If you’re not ready to do it, it’s fine. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make this awkward.”
I put my hand on his thigh. “No, Eli, it’s all right.” I turned to look at him and leaned over, kissing those lips that made me want to claim him every time. I pulled back and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Only Charlene and Elliot know about this.”
“I won’t tell anyone else, I swear,” Eli said, then ran his hands through my hair, pushing back the smaller strands.
“I know you won't, baby. That isn’t the issue. It’s just that I don’t like talking about my youth,” I said.
“You don’t have to.”
“No, you deserve to know why I am… the way… I am,” I said.
He kissed my shoulder. “All right, tell me.”
I took another deep breath, then began. “When I was ten years old, my mother and father were killed by a pack that challenged us for territory. It was a sneak attack, well-orchestrated because they completely caught us off guard. Our home was attacked by four wolves from this pack and they sliced my father in two and violated my mother before killing her.”
“Oh my god,” Eli gasped. “Deacon, I’m sorry. If you don’t want to continue–”
“No,” I interjected. “I want you to know. You’re my mate, Eli, and I want you to know me… all of me.”
He nodded. “Okay… I’m listening. I won’t interrupt again.”
I kissed his temple, then continued. “I was taken because I was a natural born. They only wanted kids twelve years or younger. Easier to train, to mold into obedient pack members. They did take in some older natural borns, because we are rare. I was ideal for them, but I never forgot or forgave what had happened to my family or to me. The wolf who took me, his name was Winston and he was a right son of a bitch. Wicked and cruel. His lessons were bloody harsh, but they did make me into a man and a strong wolf. A survivor. However, teaching me how to fight, forage for food and the like, wasn’t the only thing he did.” I had to pause again, because I was reliving those days when Winston had bedded me, always against my will.
Elijah took my hand into his and gave it a nice squeeze, but remained silent like he’d promised. His support gave me what I needed to tell the ugliest part of my past.
“He’d taken me to his bed when I was but a child. It hurt and he never cared. I did have a reprieve when I turned fifteen and was sent on a mission to recruit a very wealthy young man for the pack. I stayed with him and it was the first time I’d experienced sex and it felt…good. I was the one who topped in that relationship, never wanting to bottom, because it had always hurt or felt unsatisfactory to me. But I did see that sex could be pleasurable with Elias. After a while, that fantasy life was over and I had to return to Winston, to the nightmare life with him was.”
“I know I said I wouldn’t interrupt, but is that motherfucker still with us?” Elijah asked, his handsome features contorted by his deep scowl.
I snorted. “If he is, what will you do to him?”
“Find a way to kill him at any cost.”
I kissed him, slipping my tongue between his lips. We kissed for a bit before I pulled back. “He’s not. I saw my opportunity to kill him when I was nineteen. Hunters had come, and I led them to him. I knew Winston would kill them; they were no match for a wolf of his caliber. But in the distraction of the battle, I took my chance and stabbed Winston in the back with a silver dagger. I then covered up my crime by blaming it all on the hunters. That was how I freed myself from him.”
“It’s because of what he did to you, why you don’t want to let me top,” Elijah said, then nodded. “I understand. I won’t ask again.”
He started to rise out of the bed, but I stopped him, grabbing his shoulder. “Get the lube.”
He shook his head. “No, I don’t want you to feel obligated, Deacon.”
I laughed. “You should know me well enough by now that I can’t be guilted or tricked into doing anything I don’t want to do. I didn’t fucking survive four hundred years to be some weakling, Eli. Truth is, I never felt like I wanted someone enough to break down that barrier. I'm the top wolf, always. But with you… Yeah, I want that. I mean, it’s not like the thought hasn’t crossed my mind.”
He raised both eyebrows. “It has?”
I nodded. “Thinking maybe with you… it will be different.”