Page 38 of Reclaiming River

“Is that what you think is best?”

I don’t know what I expected from her but those cold words weren’t it.

“Yes. There is a lot going on at work and I want to be able to make you my focus.” I wished I could know what she was thinking because the knot in my stomach was telling me it wasn’t good.

The old River would have fidgeted then accepted my decision. I’d known she changed, but I wasn’t prepared for the fury that filled her expression.

“I might be able to understand the one meeting because you didn’t plan on coming but you are saying you want me to just wait until you aren’t busy? When are you ever not busy? I’m not some toy you can pull out of storage in your free time, Cade. If you love me, I should be your priority.” She took a deep breath. “I’m asking you to stay.”

I both loved and hated that she was standing up for herself. Why couldn’t she understand how important this was to me? I wasn’t giving up on us, just asking for a little patience.

“I’m sorry, River. I need you to understand there is no one else who can do this meeting. I promise I’ll be back on Saturday.”

She stood and it was like the temperature in the room dropped a few degrees. “I do understand. I’ll never be as important as your work. Don’t bother coming back.” The emptiness in her voice scared me. Before I could think of what to say she strode out of the room, the door slamming behind her.

Chapter 17

River

I was an idiot. His words played over and over in my mind as I raced for who knows where. I was proud that I’d held it together till I was out of his room but then all my emotions came crashing down and I’d run. Blinded by tears, I’d run down the stairs and out the door. It was too beautiful of a day to be this miserable. Not that I could change that. He’d chosen work over me. Again.

It was the realization of my worst fears coming true, so it shouldn’t be a surprise right? I wasn’t a naive idiot. I knew extending his vacation wasn’t in his plans so there might be issues he had to deal with. I’d just thought that would mean phone calls. I could have even accepted him having to go away for a day to make the meeting that couldn’t be rescheduled. Though, being honest, I wouldn’t have liked it.

But he wanted to put me off until it was convenient. I knew where that road led. I’d lived on that highway of neglect for a year and I wasn’t going back. Why did he have to come back and remind me of all the good times we’d had? I’d been getting better without him in my life. It was a slow path but one I’d been okay walking.

Cold seeped into my bones as if the winter weather was trying to numb me from the horrible pain inside. I considered my choices as I ran and hid in the relative warmth of one of the stable storerooms and let the tears flow. My heart ached as every moment from the last few days played through my mind. I’d thought we’d reconnected. We talked and laughed. He’d said he understood why I’d left and wanted to change.

But the first time he had to make a choice, he hadn’t even discussed it with me. He’d just decided I should be fine waiting for him to finish his business. I was only important when there was nothing else he had to focus on. I wasn’t worth even the respect of letting me help make the decision.

I don’t know how long I hid crying and seething in the rarely used storeroom but my muscles ached and the cold was getting to be too much even in the warmed interior of the stable. My clothes were covered in dirt and I didn’t want to think of how red and puffy my eyes were. At least I’d been dressed for riding. I wiped my face and brushed off my clothing.

As tempting as it was to run away again, I didn’t have anywhere to go. This was my home now and I wouldn’t let him chase me away from it. I hurried back to the lodge. As I came through the stairwell door, Carrie was walking up from the Dungeon level whistling a happy tune. I’d hoped not to see anyone before I reached my room but luck wasn’t on my side.

“Oh my god! River, what’s happened?” Her eyes narrowed, “Were you outside without a coat?”

She stared at me with a horror that made me think I looked even worse than I’d feared. All my anger vanished and heartbreak took over my voice.

“He’s leaving. He promised me, but he’s leaving,” I sobbed, unable to say anything more coherent.

“Everything is going to be okay. Come on, honey, come with me to my room and tell me all about it. We’ll get you warmed up.”

Carrie wrapped an arm around my shoulders and helped me up the stairs to our floor. She stayed in the room next to mine though I’d never been inside. Where my room looks exactly the way it did when I’d arrived, she and her roommate, who was another service sub, had taken time to personalize their space. Cheery sunflowers, bright colors and patchouli incense were the theme and it suited them. I sighed and allowed the space to envelop me in its warm embrace. The setting sun cast beautiful rays of light through her window.

She walked me to the window bench seat and sat me down. I wrapped myself up in a fuzzy blanket she had splayed on top of some pillows and leaned my head against the wall. She hustled about and came back a few minutes later with a cup of fragrant tea.

“Thank you.” I took the cup gratefully and held it in my cold hands. I was numb and no amount of sunshine and rainbows was going to change that. But it was like the dam on my repressed feelings had broken, and I needed to tell my story to someone who might understand.

“We were supposed to go riding today and then he was going to take me for dinner tonight in Porter’s Corner, and…” I couldn’t finish my sentence. Carrie reached for my hand and held it in hers.

“It’s okay, River, just say it when you’re ready.”

“He is leaving, plain and simple, and there is nothing I can do about it.”

For the next hour I poured out my story, all of it. About how I came to be at Rawhide right up to hearing Cade’s voice in the Dungeon.

“That’s why you’ve had the week off. I was wondering what was going on. It all makes sense now. And Andy?”

“Andy brought Cade here, but Cade was as surprised as I was when we collided. He couldn’t have known I was working here. I think Andy knew and was trying to get us back together.”