Page 56 of The Wallflower

A few of the guys on the other side of the room complain about using the backup field today. Some wish they were called out of practice since they are already sore. Yeah. These fuckersdon't know how lucky they are. I could have run us all into the ground.

Once I'm dressed, I slip on my sneakers and a hoodie. It was warm today, but being in the dunk tank tonight, I’ll need a hoodie afterward. The water in the tank better be heated, or I'll be murdering Sebastian after I finish my shift.

Lee stares at me, his head cocked. "Dude, what's up? Really." When I don’t reply, he moves closer, his voice low. "You seem a little tense."

It's on the tip of my tongue to lay it all out there, but I don't. It won’t change anything. Talking about the problems doesn’t fix them. It just makes you more aware of them, and believe me, I’m aware of all my problems. "Don't worry about it."

I'm even more tense as I cross the field toward the music blasting in the area. It's annoying, but I better fucking get used to it.

I scan the crowd, hoping to glimpse her, my wallflower, but I don't see any messy buns or oversized clothing. It's all cheerleaders and basketball players. I shouldn’t be surprised. I wouldn’t take the carnival as her scene. I strip down to my boxers. Fuck, it’s cold. I swear to god, if I get pneumonia from this event, I'm killing someone. A few passersby catcall me, but I ignore them.

Sebastian greets me, a clipboard in his hand. “You’re one minute late.”

“Ask me if I care?” I flip him my middle finger and climb the short set of stairs, plopping my ass down on the small metal bench hovering over the tank of water. "This better be fucking warm.”

“Nope. I made sure it’s ice cold. All for you, princess.” Sebastian laughs like the asshole he is, and I grit my teeth, preparing for the worst when my feet hit the water. Instead ofice-cold pricks of pain, I’m greeted with warmth.He’s fucking lucky.

As soon as people spot me in the dunk tank, they start to meander over. Sebastian takes their cash and hands them a ball.Miss. Miss. Miss.I sit there peacefully without having to speak a word while Sebastian does all the work. People funnel in and out. A few of the football players take a chance on dunking me. No doubt for the brutal practice, but no one sends me into the water. I do my best not to scan the crowd, looking for her, but it’s impossible. She’s taken over my thoughts in more than one way, and I don’t like how weak that makes me. Time trickles by slowly. There's more catcalling, and some cheerleaders try to hit the marker with one of the bigger softballs.

Sebastian graciously allows them to move forward a bit, but none of them still send me into the water.

“How long do I have to do this?” I question, knowing I’ve been here for at least an hour already. His response is to step up and toss a ball at the target, hitting the mark hard enough to collapse the bench beneath my ass. I fall into the warm water below and pop back up a second later, spitting water and sweeping my hair back against my scalp.

Now that someone has finally dunked me, a crowd forms. People cheer him on, and Sebastian directs everyone to form a single file line and collects their payment as they wait. There’s laughter and joy all around me, but I can’t bring myself to smile. A couple more people dunk me. A girl and one of the baseball players. The water’s warm, and I don't mind now since each dunk heats me, cutting through the chill on my skin.

There are other games, the sound of music, and ringing bells press in on me. The smell of caramel apples and popcorn fill my nostrils. Every year we would come to the fall carnival as a family. Mom and I would share a bucket of popcorn and drink hot cocoa together while playing every carnival game. Dad eventagged along. That feels like forever ago. I can barely recall who that little boy was. Now all I have are the memories of abuse and the rage I have for my father. In some ways, it’s like my mother is already dead. I shove the terrible thoughts to the darkest part of my mind.

Only an hour left and then I can go find her and make sure she's not gotten into trouble. I start to count back to myself in my head.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve.

That’s as far as I make it when my gaze lands on a familiar face in the crowd.

"Hey! Jackie, come here for a minute!"

Her eyes dart to me, and she freezes mid-step. There seems to be an internal battle taking place, but eventually, she turns and ambles over to the side of the booth.

I splash her with a little water, and she scowls at me. "Where's your roommate?"

She looks visibly anxious as she leans against the side of the tank. "Around. She's been at the library doing her tutoring thing, you know?"

Ididknow, but I don't like how anxious she's acting. "What are you hiding, Jackie?" I make it a request, soft and low.

"Nothing, of course. I have nothing to hide."

"You can’t lie for shit, you know that?"

She huffs and then sighs. "Yeah, I know. I'm not good at it."

I raise an eyebrow, waiting for her to continue. Her shoulders droop. "For what it's worth, I told her it was a bad idea. I mean...you're you...why would she want to go out with someone else?" Her hand slaps over her mouth, horror filling her eyes.

I blink, and a slow rolling wave of rage crashes against me. "Excuse me? I think I have water in my ear because there’s nofucking way I just heard you correctly. Did you say go out with someone else?"

Who the fuck would have the balls, or better yet, who would be stupid enough to go on a date with her?Only someone who wants to be buried six feet in the ground.

Jackie shakes her head and keeps her hand clamped over her mouth like she’s afraid she’ll say something else that she shouldn’t. “I didn’t say anything," she mumbles through her fingers. I'm about to slip off the bench and into the water to grab her, but she skitters back and then rushes away.

I watch her run away, unable to do a damn thing. "Fuck," I mutter.