Page 32 of The Fool
The realization hits me like a freight train; I have been literally left alone in the middle of the dancefloor looking like the world’s biggest slut. Without anything else to cling onto, I slowly wrap my arms uncomfortably around my midriff, take a breath, then run like the wind. I grab my bag and find the quickest route to the front of the house so I can retrieve my phone and dial an Uber. With tears streaming down my face, I soon lose my patience with my fingers that are shaking too much to dial properly.
“Hi, please can I get an Uber?” I eventually sob down the phone to the poor man on the other end. I can’t even remember giving him the exact details, but when I hear the magical confirmation and a promise of being here within the next ten minutes, I let out a sigh of relief and wipe my face. I then begin marching down the road, not wanting to face anyone, not even Callie.
What the hell was that? Was that to make me look bad again? Was it to get back at me for standing up to him? Whatever it was, I can’t take it anymore. I’ll be calling in sick on Monday and getting some legal advice about how to leave without notice. I don’t want to do it to Cameron and Lily, and I know I should have gone to see them sooner instead of waiting for it to end in tears, but I haven’t felt so humiliated since the night I caught Dean in my bed with my sister. Though, this is marginally worse, for at least there wasn’t an audience back then; this had the entire wedding party watching on.
That’s it, I’m done!
_____
Nate
“Get the fuck inside now!” Cameron practically screams at me.
I don’t even try arguing with him for I literally have nothing. Not a single thought to try and excuse what I just did. I should have left well alone, especially at my own brother’s wedding. Beatrice Summers is a temptation I need to fight, for everybody’s sake, especially hers. I’ve treated her abysmally so why did she let me dance with her like that? Why did she turn to putty in my hands? Why did I feel like everyone else had vanished the moment I touched her?
This is exactly why I never go past two nights; I mess everything up. It’s also why I listened to Callie when she said not to pursue things with Lily; I would have ruined everything. She was meant for Cameron, I more than know that. However, what I knew they could have, what they will have, is precisely what I’ve always wanted from someone. But I’m not capable, not built for it. I’m precisely like Dad, weak-willed when it comes to a pretty face and an offer of no-strings sex. Helena and Cam might think they kept his affair a secret from me, but little brothers are nothing if not sly. Being able to eavesdrop without detection is perhaps one of the only weapons the baby of the family has at their disposal. How else are we meant to survive? I kept their secret safe, and pretended not to know, but I still mourned the loss of my parents’ seemingly perfect relationship. If my father, the so-called perfect husband, couldn’t be the perfect guy, what chance do I have?
“Cam, calm down,” Lily says when she joins us in the living room, “the guests can see.”
“She’s right, we’ll go upstairs, to one of the front rooms,” he says, running his hand through his hair, all the while his jaw clenches in frustration. I feel like I’m thirteen years old again, with him having caught me in his room trying to look for any spare change he might have left lying around. “Jesus, Nate!”
Now, Cameron is different; he really is a nice guy. Yes, he had his years of partying and sleeping around, but he never made promises. Besides, ever since he got together with Lily, he hasn’t so much as looked at another woman. He admitted to me that the idea of touching another girl makes him feel uncomfortably itchy. Lily is the only woman on his mind.
I follow Cam upstairs and into the spare room, right at the front of the house, probably so he can let rip. He should, I have been a complete prick. Still, the fact Cam and Lily have just led me into a room where Dad is waiting to give me one of his lectures doesn’t seem altogether fair right now.
“What the flaming hell was that, Nate?” Dad shouts at me with the same tone of voice he used to use when we were little. Usually, Cam would be making me laugh by mocking the old man behind his back, however, this time, he’s not exactly in the right mood. In fact, I’m sure he’s going to be joining in with the verbal spanking, and the ‘I’m so disappointed in you’ speech.
Avoiding his angry pacing back and forth across the room, I turn to find Lily sitting on the end of the bed with her arms firmly crossed. She’s the only one who is looking vaguely sympathetic; still pissed with me, but not totally ready to kill me yet.
“I’m sorry, I lost my head,” I answer quietly, all the while looking sheepishly at the floor.
“No, you thought with your dick, that’s what you fucking did!” Cam says through his clenched teeth. “We’ve come to expect this from you, Nate, but you don’t do it with your PA, and you certainly don’t do it at my fucking wedding reception!”
“Do you wanna hit me? Is that it? Go right ahead, I deserve it,” I tell him, being genuine with my offer. I even turn my cheek to his awaiting fist.
He comes pacing toward me, only to come to a standstill when Lily jumps up between us, essentially stopping us from meeting in the middle.
“Please,” she says, sounding completely exasperated, “there’ll be no violence at our wedding. I think there’s already been enough drama.”
“That poor girl,” Dad says softly, shaking his head in despair. I want to throw his mistakes in his face, but then his words remind me of what I just did to Bea in the middle of a crowded dance floor. So instead, I hang my head in shame.
“Nate,” Lily says softly, “you practically dry-humped her in public, then left like a one-night stand in front of everyone.”
“I know!” I admit through clenched teeth, feeling beyond angry with myself.
“Not to mention you’ve been a hideous boss to her for…well, since you got her,” she continues, making me feel even worse than before.
“You’re a piece of work, do you know that?” Cam points at me with his judgmental finger, but I let him. He’s right.
“What the hell is wrong with you, Nate? I didn’t raise you to treat women this way,” Dad says with disappointment. “I mean, I know you have a lot of ‘girlfriends’ but you have always been polite and charming with them. As far as I know, you’ve never treated them like that, and certainly not in front of an audience. If that had been Helena, I would have laid you out flat, no questions asked.”
Dad’s words only make me feel like a bigger pile of shit than I already do.
“Look, I’m a complete dipshit,” I snap, “we all know this, the baby of the family who has to rely on his big, perfect brother.”
“Fuck, grow up, Nate!” Cameron practically spits.
“Look,” Lily, the voice of calm, says to me, once again providing a barrier between the two of us. “Let’s just calm down. Nate, what are your feelings toward Bea?”