Page 49 of Chase
“Theo surprised me on Sunday,” I reply, giggling when my silly dog rolls onto her back in complete submission for Dave.
“Theo, ay?” he grins cheekily, being none too subtle. “Wow, he really is a keeper isn’t he.”
I blush at his words before calling Stella to get up and stop showing off her bits to all and sundry. I’m not sure why I feel so ashamed for having feelings for Theo, I can only assume it’s because I still have so many secrets that I’m keeping from him. Or because I haven’t been with a man in an adult relationship before and I still feel as I did as a child when it comes to love, sex, and boys. Whatever it is, it tells me I’m still fucked up. Maybe I always will be.
“So, how’ve you been?” I ask, trying to distract myself and actually get on with my job. Friend or not, Will needs to come first and he certainly doesn’t need to see his therapist having her own mental breakdown. Besides, when he smiles in answer, I can tell it’s forced. “That good?”
He sighs and we begin walking with the dogs running on ahead, already getting along like best friends. This time, Will opens up almost straight away. He tells me about the guy he’s been seeing in secret, a university professor who could get into a lot of trouble if this were to come out in the open. From the sounds of it, if Will’s family were to find out, ruining his lover would be one of the very first things they would do. Said lover is openly gay and has already told Will that he loves him. They’re both stuck in their metaphorical closets but for very different reasons. Will is twenty; his professor, more than ten years his senior. Some people would disapprove but their love sounds genuine, and for me, that’s all that matters. Besides, my role isn’t to judge, it’s to help Will find his own answers.
“I think if I told my parents that would be it,” he says decidedly, “all ties cut; I’d be thrown out of the family.”
“Really?” I ask with a wince that I can’t help pulling. “What about your sister? Would she understand?”
“Perhaps, but to be honest, I wouldn’t trust her not to blab to anyone,” he replies. “I keep dropping hints about having a girlfriend just to keep them off my back. That has its own set of problems though, because she needs to be of a certain class and background, if you catch my drift.”
I nod because I totally get it. In his parents’ eyes, Will should be dating someone of a similar status to him, with the same wealth, social standing, and education. Love and happiness have very little to do with it.
“They’re starting to make noises about me settling down, to show I’m serious and ready to take the helm at the family business,” he says, looking over at the dogs playing together. “But I don’t want any of it. I don’t want to live in a loveless relationship; that’s not fair to anyone. But if I come clean, I’m out with nothing. I feel so damn trapped!”
“Have you had any idea of what you might want to do? As in, which direction you’d like to take?”
It’s not my job to tell Will what to do, he has to come to his own conclusions and realize his own potential.
“After months of debating which is the worst of the two options before me, I’m kind of leaning toward being honest. You know, short-term pain for long-term gain.”
He shrugs his shoulders nervously before looking at me for some sort of confirmation that his decision is the right one.
“I can’t tell you to go either way, Will, but if that’s what your gut is telling you to do, maybe you should listen to it,” I reply, even though I happen to agree with him. If he decides to goalong with the lie, his life is going to be long and miserable for both him and whoever he ends up with.
“I think it’s the best way forward,” he says, nodding decidedly, as if talking more to himself than me. “I’m going to tell them this weekend. Will you still come and see me on Monday?”
“Of course,” I reply before giving him a warm hug, which might not be professional, but as a friend, I can tell it’s what he needs.
We part ways and I watch as he leaves, all the while chewing the inside of my lip, hoping it isn’t going to be as awful as he believes it will. I like Will and he deserves to be happy.
_____
Izzy
Back at home, I receive a call from Theo, telling me he’s going to have to return to the States for a few days but will be back on Friday. When I eventually hang up the call, I can’t help but stare down at the lifeless contraption in my hand; I don’t want him to go. What if he doesn’t come back? What if it’s like last time all over again? This is the exact reason I’ve been protecting my heart for all these years; I know I won’t survive it if he abandons me again.
“Nobody loves you, Isobel, least of all Theo. I bet he’s banging some cheerleader as we speak. You’ll just be a distant memory…a regret he remembers once in a while.”
“Breathe, Izzy, just breathe,” I gasp, clutching at my chest for fear I won’t get enough air in my lungs to stay conscious.
Stella rushes over to me as I slide down onto the floor, my vision turning black as my breath becomes more labored. She whimpers as she pads about me, nudging her nose under my arm in a panic. It’s enough for me to talk myself down and regain controlof my breathing. The blackness turns light and the golden dog before me becomes visible as I wrap my arms around her neck.
“At least, I’ll have you, my big beautiful wuppit,” I whisper, knowing Theo was right, I do need her to love. She’ll be the one to keep me from sinking because she needs me just as much as I need her.
_____
Penny stops by on the Wednesday following Theo’s departure. Stella has kept me going for the last few days, in between clients. But tonight is the first time I’ve managed to laugh since he left, so I welcome it by breaking my two-glass rule. Besides, I’m more than safe here with Penny and my ferocious guard dog, who is currently lying on her back in front of the open fire. The flames keep me hypnotized for a while, my mind wondering about Will, Theo, and things I would rather forget. Things I will never be able to forget.
“So, how are things between you and the hot American? The step-bitch told me you two are engaged?” Penny thankfully snaps me out of my memories with a nudge of her foot against my thigh. “Gotta say, Aunt Iz, you work fast!”
“It’s a long story,” I sigh as I throw my head against the back of the sofa. “But I can admit, we seem to be growing closer. Theo was my best friend; I guess he still is.”
“So that explains the fur baby,” she says, gesturing toward Stella with the tip of her chin.