Page 59 of Their Starlight
“Yes or no,” I interrupt Hayden.
“Yes,” Brent says firmly.
I hold my head in my hands and the room starts to spin. Those annoying tiny breaths not helping the whirling.
“Should I get her a paper bag or something?” Lance’s worry would be laughable considering he just told me he was a big time criminal, except I am struggling to find humour at this precise moment.
“That is the worst thing for someone who is hyperventilating,” Brent’s annoyance filters through his voice and the sofa dips next to me as a warm hand grasps my wrist, pulling my hands away from my face. “Breathe, Eleanor.” His voice is low and rumbling, a soothing caress to my racing mind. His use of my proper name snaps my attention to him, no one but my parents have used that name since before university. “Take a deep breath.”
I do as I am told, suddenly remembering how to inhale at his command. His eyes meet mine, the deep blue warming and comforting. My own eyes fill with tears, I can’t say why. I’ve been angry at these men for three years because they had been the most important people to me, they were my best friends and the only people I loved. Then they left me. Now it turns out that I didn’t even know them. I’d given them all of me, let them see the good, the bad, and the truly hideous. Yet they had kept this from me. They hadn’t just abandoned me; they’d lied to me for all the time I’d known them.
“What’s this got to do with what happened to me?” I manage to whisper through the lump in my throat.
“We don’t know exactly yet, princess.” Brent wipes a tear from my cheek with his thumb and I don’t miss the way that Lance’s eyes narrowed at the gesture.
“When you were…dropped off, someone told the concierge to ring up and say there was a package for me downstairs.” Lance draws my attention back to him. “I don’t know why, Elle, but last night happened because you have a connection to me. I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”
I am about to tell him it isn’t his fault but I stop myself.Was it his fault?Should I be blaming them all for dragging me into their shit? I mean they didn’t intend to meet me at university, they didn’t exactly drag me kicking and screaming into their lives. In fact, they have been completely absent for the last three years…
“Is that why you did what you did?” My voice breaks over my question to Lance. “Is that why you broke my heart?”
“I was trying to protect you, sweetheart.” His eyes are glazed as he looks at me with an apologetically sad smile. “You’re too good for our world.”
Everything I knew to be true has just been flipped upside down. I stand suddenly with a heavy inhale, which makes my bruised ribs smart. My hand goes to the affected area and I wince, making all three of them step toward me in concern.
“I’ll get the painkillers,” Brent says, striding to the kitchen.
“You should rest,” Lance orders.
“Come sit back down, baby,” Hayden tries to guide me back down to the sofa, but I wave them all off.
“No. Just no. I need to…I can’t…I…” I take a deep breath, closing my eyes to centre myself. “Please, just let me have a minute.”
They step away but their faces remain worried. Brent watches me from the kitchen as I pass him on my way back down the hall and into Hayden’s bedroom. I sit on the edge of the bed in the dark and cry. I cry silently until my chest hurts and my head aches. I cry all the tears I hadn’t allowed myself over the last three years and after what feels like hours, I fall asleep with my head on the pillow that smells of Hayden and Lance both.
32
HAYDEN
“Where the hell are you going?” Elle is at the door trying to leave as I open it coming in. she looks ready to leave the apartment, something we have explicitly told her she can’t do.
“I have somewhere to be.” Her frustration is evident in her voice and the roll of her eyes.
“Baby…” I start to warn but her hand covers my mouth before I can continue, and her pursed lips tell me this isn’t a game.
“Five days, Hayden. I’ve been cooped up here in your very lovely, but very boring, luxury apartment for five days. As much as I appreciate all you are all trying to do for me, and I know you are trying to protect me from all the monsters in the big wide world, I’ve got a life and I have shit to do today. You’ve already told work I won’t be in for two friggin’ weeks, and I missed rehearsals on Monday. But I won’t miss this.” Her eyes are slightly wild and I have to concede that it might be time to let her out the house. Our social butterfly was looking a little frazzled since we clipped her wings.
Brent and Lance had accompanied Elle to her flat so she could pick up a few more things as there was no way of telling how long she’d be staying with us. As ever, she didn’t pack light and has now taken over my bedroom. I’ve been ‘sleeping on the sofa’ as our fourth bedroom doesn’t actually have a bed in it. Of course, once everyone has retired to their rooms at night, I creep into Lance’s room and sleep with him. We’ve been making out like teenagers, but he has stopped me anytime I’ve tried taking it further. Obviously, with Elle staying with us and sharing Lance’s bed, I haven’t exactly been hooking up. Not that I want a quick release with a stranger, but being in such close proximity to both of them, I find myself getting hard at the most inopportune moments. Take now for example, Elle’s warm and soft fingers over my lips and her anger only fuelling the storm in her eyes, Ifeel my jeans tighten. She has hardly spoken to us since she got here, still processing everything. I see my opening and I take it.
“Okay, let’s go.” I take my keys out my pocket and take one step back so I am once again in the hall.
“What?” She looks at me, wide eyed.
“You’ve got somewhere to be, so let’s go.”
“You’re coming with me?”
“Someone’s got to make sure you don’t land yourself in any trouble.” I wink at her and she rolls her eyes, but her smile is evident.