Page 63 of Their Starlight
“Were you calling to tell me you had changed your mind and you were coming to be with me?”
He swallowed and shook his head sadly.
“Then what difference does it make?” I hate the fact my voice cracks.
“Will you let me explain now?” His voice is soft and cajoling.
I nod, wanting to hear his gentle and soothing voice more than the answers now. My head instinctively turns into his touch at my cheek. The smell of Hayden—fresh ocean breezes—envelopes me with his proximity and it is so familiar and comforting I feel I could cry.
“The things that Lance said to you…” I flinch at the memory. He must feel it but he just carries on. “They were abhorrent, Elle. I don’t condone them, and he knows how I feel about how he handled everything. I’m not here to make excuses for him, he has his own apologies to make. But for you to understand my decision, you need to know that he didn’t mean a word of it.”
I swallow. Lance had hinted as much but hearing the words out loud makes me feel like I can breathe easier than I have in years.
“I followed Lance when he left after all the shit he’d said because I couldn’t understand where his head was at. Baby, he was broken.” Hayden croaks slightly as he says the last part. He’s still holding my face and wiping the occasional tear that escapes. “I knew who Lance was when I first met him, and I told him that. He just wanted to experience university like any other student, so I treated him the same as anyone else would and I don’t think he had ever had peers. He was always either above or below people, and finding us gave him a taste of what life could be.”
I blink up as Hayden tells me his story, he looks so sad for the man who broke my heart that he was making me feel sorry for him too.
“This life, it’s dangerous, Elle. Lance didn’t want you to be in any danger and, to be honest, I didn’t appreciate the risk you would be under until I came here. That’s why he did what he did, he wanted to protect you and he couldn’t leave it open for him to change his mind. But his heart broke the moment yours did, baby. He genuinely believed that he didn’t deserve anyone to love him, he wouldn’t accept hope or joy. I made a decision. You would always find people to love you, you’re like a magnet, people are drawn to you. I knew you would be okay, Elle. You’d find your squad, but Lance wouldn’t. He needed me. He needed to have people around him who love him.”
When Hayden finishes, his eyes are red-rimmed and he has somehow moved even closer so we are chest to chest. Like he couldn’t bring himself to have any space between us. “And do you?” I ask. “Do you love him?”
He knows I’m not asking if he loves him as a friend, he offers me a sad smile and nods slowly. “I do.”
“And does he love you?”
“He’s told me as often as you have,” he says, bending his head until our lips are nearly brushing. “And I know you love me, Elle.”
The air between us changes, he’s so close I can taste his breath and we’re both breathing heavily. I look to his lips as his tongue darts out to wet them. I roll my bottom lip between my teeth and try to keep my knees from shaking. Hayden’s hands finally leave my face, but they don’t travel far. Without taking his eyes away from mine, he unbuttons the top buttons of my shirt down to just under my sports bra, the only bra I can wear at the moment as any form of underwire sits uncomfortably on my bruise.
When my chest is on view, he places a warm palm over where my heart is pounding. “You love me, don’t you? This beats for me, doesn’t it?” His voice is low but commanding, he’s not asking despite what his words suggest. He’s telling me, and I can’t argue. I manage a small nod. “Well,” he adds with a wry smile. “At least one in every three beats is for me, huh?”
I gulp. Of course, Hayden knows that he and Lance didn’t hold the monopoly on my heart; not then, not now. I’ve tried so hard since I’ve been staying here not to let the three of them get in my head. Sure, I had been told that there were reasons why they left like they did but I still wasn’t ready to let them in. But they make it really fucking hard. They’re always half naked, I mean how hard is it to throw a t-shirt on before you leave your room? Hayden rarely bothers with the bottom half either, walking around in just boxers. I’ve been horny for four days straight.
Hayden is reading my mind, I swear it, as he trails a finger over my bra down to hook the first button of my shirt that’s still fastened. “Do you remember Christmas break, first year?”
I blush, I know exactly what he’s referring to. I’m not a blusher, I’ve done far more whoreish things than touch myself in front of someone, but that night surprised me. Hayden had been the first guy I’d flirted with to turn me down; he’d been so confident in denying me that I’d decided to kill two birds with one stone. I’d relieve the arousal that had been building for months living with three guys I had massive crushes on, and I’d pay him back for hurting my pride. It had worked to some extent, but I was more turned on than ever after.
“Do you know how many times I’ve fucked my fist thinking about you fingering yourself that day?” Hayden’s voice is low and seductive, making me wet from it. “Do you know how I fantasize about what Ishouldhave done?”
I swallow to try and moisten my throat. “What should you have done?”
“Let me show you,” he whispers against my cheek before running his lips over my jaw and running his hand back up over my chest to grip my neck, just as he had done those years ago. I gasp as he squeezes hard enough to make my throat burn with each inhale. “I would have taken your hand away and made you fuck my fingers instead.”
His voice remains authoritative but as he skims the waistband of my leggings, he’s silently asking for permission. I give him a small nod, which is all I can manage with his hand clasped around my neck. He dips his fingers under the waistband, down over my bare pussy, and uses them to spread my lower lips. He circles my entrance before sliding back up to circle my clit. I moan long and low, letting my eyes droop closed.
“Eyes on me, baby. I want to watch you come,” he rasps.
His fingers glide over my wet cunt with ease as my arousal coats my folds. When he pushes one into me, it’s not enough; I need more and I rock my hips against his hand to take what I can. He adds a second finger to the first, scissoring them to stretch me. His thumb continues slow, controlled rubs over my swollen nub.
“You really are a dirty little thing, aren’t you?” he purrs. “You like me finger fucking that sweet pussy?” My body answers for me as I clench around him at his words. “You squeeze me so tight, baby. I miss feeling you around my cock.” I start panting as his words build the orgasm from my belly down. “When you’re fully healed, I’m going to fuck you properly, Elle. I’m done waiting. I’ve paid my dues for three years until you came back into my life, and I am not going to be a gentleman anymore. This cunt ismine.”
“Yes,” I breath. “Yours.” I grip his shirt as my core clenches and trembles, I think my knees are about to give way, but I’ll just have to trust that Hayden will catch me. My orgasm feels like all the tension I’ve held for the last week has just left my body. Itense and relax around his digits still slowing rubbing my interior walls. I gasp and whimper as my pleasure ebbs and flows until I am spent and slumped back against the kitchen counter. Hayden kisses me, taking his hand from my throat to the back of my neck.
I am both sated and needy, feeling languid but desperate to feel him come apart for me. Lazily I flick open his belt as he licks against my tongue. He breaks the kiss to watch as I work his zip down. “Baby, that’s really not—”
“I thought we were doing what we wished we’d done back then?” I don’t give him a second to argue, slinking to my knees. My back is to the kitchen cabinet and Hayden is stood right in front of me, so I have little room to move. I pull his trousers and boxers down just enough to free his cock, the bulbous head bobbing in my face, angry and red. I kiss the tip and he sucks in a breath through his teeth, bracing his hands on the counter.
I keep teasing him with soft licks and gentle kisses along his length and I run the tip of my tongue over his slit. He growls low in his throat and hangs his head between his hunched shoulders to look down on me. “Little slut, stop fucking about and suck it,” he spits.