Page 51 of The Secret Fiancée
“That said, you deserve to be loved in the wayyouneed to be loved, angel. That’s something I learned with your mother. You wouldn’t believe it, but I hate dancing. I do it because it’s what makes her feel loved. I wouldn’t have known that if she’d never told me.”
“Communication,” I murmur, understanding the point. Except it isn’t me who’s failing to communicate, and I can’t force Lex to open up about things he doesn’t want to tell me. Yet somehow, I can’t shake the feeling thatJillis standing between us, that she always will.
I sigh and resume working on the prototype, not exactly mad at Lex, but just feeling the distance between us more than usual. I miss him, but then again, I also miss him when he’s right there with me.
Dad and I both look up at the sound of knocking, and I freeze when Lex walks in, his gaze roaming over my face. “I figured I’d find you here,” he says, his voice soft. He looks exhausted, defeated.
I turn away to run a diagnostic on the panels, unable to face him. I’m not mad at him, but I can’t quite explain how I feel either.
“You know what, it’s about time for me to go home,” Dad says, wiping his hands. “I’ll see you both this weekend. Don’t forget to lock up for me, all right?”
Moments later, he’s gone, leaving me alone with Lex. I’ve never seen my father leave the lab so swiftly, and had I not been in such a bad mood, it’d have made me smile.
Lex sighs as he wraps his hand around my waist from behind, his chin dropping to the top of my head. “Raya,” he murmurs. “I brought you a chocolate and salted caramel milkshake.”
I turn to glance at him, refusing to admit that I’m swayed by the beverage, when we both know that I am. He grins as he hands it to me, and I look away as I take a sip.
“I miss you, darling. You’ve barely been home since we got back from our trip.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Can we talk?”
I nod, and Lex begins to pace. “I should’ve told you sooner, and I’m sorry for keeping this from you, Raya. I didn’t know how to address it, but it’s clear you need answers. Keeping things from you is just driving a wedge between us, and I don’t want to stand back and let that happen.”
I take his hand, noting the way he’s trembling. “I didn’t mean to pressure you into anything, Lex. I just needed a bit of space to think. I remember what you said when we got engaged, and I don’t want to ask you for more than you’re willing to give. I just needed some distance to remind myself of what we are and what we aren’t, so I don’t pressure you with needs you never agreed to fulfill.”
“That’s just it,” he murmurs. “Iwantto give you the world, Raya. You make me want and do things I didn’t think I ever would.” He inhales shakily and drops his forehead to mine. “So, let’s talk about the one thing I haven’t spoken about in years. Let’s talk about Jill.”
I pull back to look at him, taking in the torment in his gaze, and for a moment, I’m tempted to cut this conversation short, not wanting to hear about the woman who makes my powerful husband look likethat, when I never could.
“Jill was my girlfriend in college, and she’s the only woman I’ve ever dated.” My stomach tightens, and I wrap one arm around myself, trying my best to keep my jealousy from showing. It hurts to hear him say her name so softly, like she’s still ingrained in his mind.
“I met her on my first day, during our orientation, and we got along brilliantly from the get-go. She was sweet, and funny, and she liked all the same things I liked, right down to the same movies and the same music.”
I take a step back from him under the guise of taking a sip of my milkshake, unable to be so near him when he’s reminiscing about another woman. It’s not often that I can make him laugh the way he makesmelaugh, and hearing him say Jill is funny hurts more than he thinks. Making him smile is my favorite thing to do, and I work so hard at it, but it seems to have been effortless for her.
“I fell hard and fast, and it was nothing like anything I’d ever experienced. You see, I always knew I’d end up in an arranged marriage, so I’d never had any interest in dating. It didn’t make sense to me to spend any time with someone I wouldn’t end up with, so I never bothered, until her.”
My stomach turns, and my heart squeezes painfully. He fell for her the way I fell for him, and I suspect I’ll never have what she had, what she mightstillhave. Lex takes a step forward and caresses my hair, but I can’t make myself face him, not without giving away my pain.
“I should’ve known it was too good to be true, you know? It’s why part of me fears that you are, too.” I look at him, curiosity mingling with confusion. “One day, out of nowhere, Jill and Iwere taken from our dorms. All I remember is falling asleep in my own bed and waking up blindfolded and strapped to a cold metal chair. I could hear her right by my side, sniffling, but I couldn’t reach her.”
His gaze turns cold, and he cups my face, our eyes locked. “I was desperate to free us, torn up by guilt, thinking I’d dragged her into this situation. There’s nothing I wouldn’t have done to ensure her freedom, her safety.”
My breath hitches, my nerves taut as I anticipate a tragic ending. Why else would Lex still be so tormented by her? Did he lose her that night?
“I’d agreed to hand over millions for our safe return, and arrangements were made with my grandmother. The night before the exchange was meant to happen, I heard an argument in the distance — about how they wouldn’t have had to resort to that if she could’ve just convinced me to marry her. Moments later, Silas Sinclair stormed in with our private security team, freeing me and apprehending her. He wasn’t working for us yet back then, and he wasn’t much older than Ares was, but he was the only person who could find me when everyone else failed. He’s been entrusted with our safety ever since.”
His eyes fall closed for a moment, and I stare at him in shock, struggling to comprehend what he’s telling me. “Jill confessed to everything in return for more lenient sentences for herself and her siblings. She’d stalked me to learn as much as she could about me the moment she realized we’d be attending college together, and then she approached me with one goal in mind: to make as much money off me as she could, along with her brothers. She wasn’t kidnapped. Jill was the one who slipped sleeping drugs into my drink the night prior, helping her brother orchestrate everything.”
He sighs and tucks my hair behind my ear. “Ever since, I’ve been scared of allowing someone in, of opening up and trustingthe wrong person, because next time, it may not just be me that’s at risk — it could be my family. It’s why I approached you prior to our engagement, to see what kind of person you are. Raya, this is why I struggle to sleep in unfamiliar places, why I take extra security to your family home, and why I had a nightmare during our trip. I’m not in love with Jill or hung up on her — I’m fucking traumatized. Because of her, all these feelings I have foryouterrify me, and darling, I don’t quite know what to do about it.”
Forty-Two
Raya
“Your drones have all undergone rigorous testing by Windsor Motors employees, and three interns were selected,” Lex says as he addresses our class.
A hush falls over the room, and Adam tenses in his seat next to mine. I know how badly he wants this internship, despite how much he dislikes Lex. He knows how life changing it would be to work for Windsor Motors.
“Raya…Lewis,” he says, grimacing like it causes him physical pain to say my maiden surname when he wants to call me RayaWindsor.