Page 11 of Asher
Honestly, that might tear my heart harder than losing Asher would.
Holly froze, her rolling pin midair, eyes wide. Slowly she sat it down and faced me, giving her full attention. “Okay. You should sit down before you pass out from lack of oxygen. Let’s rewind. Why are you losing anyone?”
My shoulders dropped. “Because I love him, but I can’t be in love with him. If he knew, he would pull away.”
“How do you know?” She tilted her head to the side.
“Because every time something even remotely intimate happens, he calls it a mistake and leaves an Asher shaped hole in whatever wall he ran through to get away from me.” I wave my hand around.
Her eyes narrowed. “I feel like I’m missing part of the story here.”
“We kissed.” More than kissed really, but my sister-in-law doesn’t need to know I grabbed his dick.
A dick that was definitely larger than average, not that I’ll ever get the chance to really find out.
“What?” she practically screamed, and both boys slid into the kitchen, Tom Cruise style.
“What’s going on?” They asked in unison. I swear, even being two years apart, they could do the freaky twin thing.
“Nothing sweethearts. Why don’t you two go outside for a while?” She smiled and shooed them out the back door before turning back to me. “You kissed Asher?”
I held up two fingers, my neck heating with embarrassment. “Twice.” I hadn’t even told Rylie and Stephanie about the second time. Which is how I knew I didn’t want to tell Ry about it. The first time, she was ready to rip his balls off.
“Start from the beginning,” Holly said, arms resting on her baby bump.
I told her everything.Everything.It was like an emotional word vomit. Once I started, I couldn’t stop.
From the accidental first kiss outside of my apartment to the second kiss, um, make-out session that happened last night after the wedding. I even told her how Asher told Mason he couldn’t be in love with me when Stephanie was attacked months ago.
After I finished, Holly gaped at me. “Shit. That’s.. well, that’s shit. I’m sorry.”
My head hung, defeated. “What do I do?”
“Do you want my honest opinion?”
“Always.” I nodded, peering up at her.
“You need to talk to him. You need to tell him everything you’re feeling and lay it all out there. Tell him to stop dragging his boots or to cut you loose.”
“What happens if he cuts me loose?” What if he can’t feel the same? What if I lose one of the best people I know? Because, if I go through that humiliation and spill my feelings only for him to turn me down for a tenth time, I don’t know if I could show my face again.
She squeezed my hand that gripped the counter between us. “Then he is not the right man for you, Haley Ann.”
“Can’t I just skip past the heartache and join some dating profiles? Or go to a random bar and find a random guy? Get over it by getting under someone else?”
Holly rolled her eyes. “You could, but we both know that a random wiener isn’t going to fix this. Your heart is involved. Not just your vajayjay. If that were the case, you wouldn’t be here.”
I blew out a deep breath. “I know, but maybe I could set up a profile as backup?”
“Do you really want to keep getting random dick pics and terrible pickup lines?”
I pretended to shudder. “God, no more dick picks. Why do guys think that we want to see that? Penises are not cute.” After my one and only experience on a dating profile when I tried to get over Asher the first time, I’d seen enough random man meat to last a lifetime.
No, thank you.
Hell, I’ve only seen two penises in real life and neither of them were enticing enough to have sex with.
Not that they weren’t perfectly nice penises, it was more the men they were attached to. I’m not saving my virginity for marriage, but I want a lasting relationship. Something that I haven’t yet experienced in my life.