Page 19 of Love You Still
“I know you…” My voice trails off as I notice the pained look on Connor’s face. His shoulders roll forward as if he’s trying to protect himself from my words.Fuck.“Sorry, man. That was a low blow.”
“It’s all right.” He gives his head a shake before he forces a smile. “And if I’m being honest, no, I wouldn’t. If it was Lydia, I’d tell you to mind your business.”
I open my mouth to respond, but he grips my shoulder, giving it a squeeze to get my attention, and I snap my mouth shut.
“But this isn’t about Lydia and me. This is about you and Selina. The situations aren’t even remotely the same.”
“True, but…” I sigh, trying to put into words exactly what I’m feeling. “There’s something still there, Connor. I can feel it. After seeing her again for the first time a few days ago, I finally feel whole for the first time since she left.”
“But are you sure she still feels the same way?”
“I don’t know. But I need to find out. If I don’t try, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”
“If she asked, would you leave?”
“What do you mean?” I eye him skeptically, waiting for him to explain himself.
“Selina told me she was going back to New York once her injury healed. If she asked you to go back with her, would you leave?”
“Yes.”
“You’d leave the only life you’ve ever known. The business. Me and Jade. You’d leave us for a chance to be with Selina again.” He repeats himself, wanting to ensure I understand what exactly he is asking me.
I promised Connor when Jade was born that I’d always be there for him when he needed anything, no questions asked. He doesn’t ask a lot, but when he does, I drop whatever it is I’m doing to help him. Whether it be grabbing something from the store he forgot, picking up or dropping off Jade at her dance classes, or working every weekend so he can spend time with Jade instead of being stuck here in the office. If I leave, I won’t be able to be there for him like I have in the past. Could I do that to him? He wouldn’t be alone, but can I really break my word?
“I know it sounds selfish, but yes.” I sigh. “I’ve regretted not going with her since the day Lydia told me she wasn’t coming to your graduation party. I’ve spent years asking myself what if. What if I had gone to New York with her? What if she had stayed home for the summer instead of leaving right after graduation? What if she had come home for good after Lydia had passed away? I don’t want to keep wondering. I want to know I did everything I could to convince her she should choose me this time. I wouldn’t make her give up her dreams or force her to stay here in Tyson’s Creek. All I want is for her to let me love her.”
Connor and I stare at each other for a few moments before he sighs loudly and shakes his head. “Okay.”
“That’s it?” I question, wondering what brought about the sudden change of heart.
Connor has been trying to talk me out of supervising the work on Selina’s studio ever since I brought it up over the weekend, but now, he’s suddenly changed his mind. He can be just as, if not more, stubborn than me when he digs his heels in about something.
“Yup. That’s it. I know you, man. Once you’ve made up your mind about something, there’s no changing it.” Connor pushes off my desk and heads toward his own before taking a seat behind it. “And I agree with you. There is something there between you two. It was clear as day when she asked me how you were.”
“She asked about me?” I question, feeling like a teenage boy wanting to know what the girl he likes had to say about him in the lunch line.
“Yes, she did.” He chuckles as he types something on the keyboard. “Now get out of here before you’re late. I’ll send a few guys over to help you get the floors sanded and prepped for refinishing in about an hour. That should give you enough time to talk to her and let her know where you stand.”
I throw my bag over my shoulder and grab my tool belt off the hook on the wall beside my desk. “Thanks, man. I appreciate it.”
“Don’t mention it. But can you do me a favor?”
“Sure.”
“If this doesn’t work out, let her go this time. I get you want answers, but once you get them, it’s time to let go.”
I open my mouth but quickly snap it shut, taking a moment to really think about what he said. It took me a while to accept the fact that Selina wasn’t coming back to Tyson’s Creek. Every time her parents told me she wasn’t coming home for a visit or took classes over the summer to get ahead, my heart brokea little more until finally, I’d had enough. Connor and I got completely wasted, and I wrote her a letter, saying goodbye. I meant every word I wrote, and still do, but maybe it is time to think about truly letting her go.
“I’ll try.”
“That’s all I can ask. Now scram; some of us have work to do.”
I give Connor a mock salute before turning toward the door. I’m about halfway there when I pause. “It will happen for you at some point, too.”
“What?”
“You’ll find love again, Connor. And if there’s anyone in this world that deserves love, it’s you and Jade,” I say over my shoulder, silently asking the universe to send someone for my friend.