Page 34 of Love You Still
“Nothing is going on, Bristol. Just trying to be ready for when my students arrive for class.”
The door chimes, causing me to jump slightly. Thankfully, it’s just a group of my students. I sigh, grateful to be spared from another date request, because I don’t know if I have the strength to tell him no this time.
“Okay, enough about Vance. How did your appointment go yesterday?”
“It went well. Everything is all healed.”
“That’s fantastic!” Bristol squeals, throwing her arms around my neck.
“Yeah. Sure.”
“Why don’t you sound happy?” Bristol pulls back, her eyes scanning my face.
“I am happy, but I also don’t know if I really want to go back,” I whisper, finally giving voice to my biggest fear.
When I got the news from my doctor, I immediately called my old company director. He was beyond excited to hear the news and asked when I’d be returning to New York. When I didn’t answer immediately, he told me he couldn’t make any promises but was hopeful I’d get a call for an audition soon. I should’ve been over the moon with the news, but the first thought that entered my mind was wondering if I was ready to return.
I originally came back to town to rehab and discover my love for dancing again. Spending the last few months teaching the girls and dancing just for fun, I’ve done that. Dancing is no longer a chore for me. I wake up every morning excited to see how the girls have grown since our last class. I’ve been helping some girls choreograph their own dances for the recital at the end of the year and for entrance exams for Juilliard. My heart is full to the point of bursting, and I wonder if I’d feel the same if I left it all behind to chase after my chance to be center stage.
And then there’s Vance. I’ve been resisting his charms for months, but I don’t know how much more I can handle. I can’t help but wonder what things would be like between us after so much time has passed. It would be easy to agree to go on a date with him. Would it end at that, or would it become something more? Could I really go back to New York without seeing if there was still something between us? Would I even be able to leave?
This is why I keep pushing him away. I’ve spent almost every night since coming back to town, lying awake, worrying aboutwhat I’d do if the company called me in for an audition. If someone had asked me six months ago, I’d have jumped at the chance without hesitation. But now, there’s so much more for me to lose by leaving. The studio, my students, and Vance. My heart shattered when I had to leave the boy I once knew, the boy who was the center of my universe, and I was his. I ruined both of us when I selfishly left. I never once explained to him what I was feeling, my worries and concerns. I decided for both of us. Does he hold that against me? Are all his attempts to go on a date with me his chance to tell me how badly I hurt him and ruined all our plans with my selfishness? The Vance I knew would never do that, but what about the man he is today?
So instead of being brave, I hide, letting my fear of the unknown rule all my actions and fighting the pull I feel toward Vance. I’ve tried to keep my heart hardened at the idea of there still being something between us, convincing myself that there is nothing between Vance and me, but my heart knows better.
Bristol raises her voice slightly over the buzz of voices around the room. “No one said you can’t enjoy your time while you’re here.” She holds her hands out for me to help her stand. “Besides, you guys haven’t been together in sixteen years. After that long apart, the date will probably be horrible, and then you can move on.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to explain. I’m not the same little girl that left here with nothing but a dream all those years ago.”
“No one thinks you are.” Vance slides into the studio behind another group of girls.
The noise level rises exponentially as he winks at me.
“I can’t do this right now, Vance.” My voice cracks slightly as I turn my back to him and address my students. “Girls, it’s time for class to begin. Begin your stretches and be ready to start in five minutes.”
“Yes, Ms. Selina,” the girls answer in unison before filing into the studio.
“Just one date, Seli. That’s all I ask,” Vance says for the millionth time, loud enough for everyone in the waiting room to hear.
Suddenly, all the mothers in the waiting room chime in.
“You guys would make the cutest couple!” Loralie’s mom says as she throws a wink in my direction.
“Could you imagine what their babies would look like?” someone else whispers.
Vance preens for them, and I roll my eyes. Right, because having children is obviously the main reason two people should get together.
“Although I would love children, I’m not in a position in my life that I feel ready to have them,” I respond, hoping to regain control of the situation.
“You’re not getting any younger, my dear. Next thing you know, you’ll be sitting in a big old house with nothing but cats to keep you company,” Ms. Mable says from her seat by the door.
“She would know,” Bristol mumbles, soft enough for only me to hear.
Ms. Mable is the town’s resident cat lady. Word around town is she had a fiancé who left her without a word, and now it’s just her and her cats to keep her company.
“Good afternoon, Ms. Mable. What brings you into the studio today?”
“I want to sign my niece up for classes. Her mom is coming to live with me while she gets back on her feet.”