Page 33 of Love You Still
I don’t think I could ever be far away from my parents after spending so much time in New York. Sure, the city was amazing. I always had something to do or someone to hang out with, but I felt more alone in a city full of millions of people than I ever didwhen I lived here. It’s one of the many reasons I came back here to Tyson’s Creek after my injury. I needed to be around people who knew me, the real me, not the shell of a person I’d become after having spent so many years in the city. Now, if I could only get them to stop meddling in my love life, I’d be golden.
I force a smile, flopping down into one of the waiting room chairs. “I’m peachy keen. So, what brings you here on this fine afternoon?”
I already know Bristol isn’t here for a friendly visit. Bristol is one of my best friends, but she’s also the romantic in our group. She’s more invested in Vance and I getting back together than almost anyone, which means every time we’re in the same general vicinity of each other, Bristol always seems to call or appear shortly after. Bristol is here to get details. She wants to know how everything went, not that there is anything new for me to report.
I’m not too ashamed to admit to myself—but not to anyone else—that I’ve been avoiding seeing Vance. Just being near him brings up old feelings that I fought for years to keep buried deep inside me. I want to go back to not caring, to being the unfeeling robot I had become back in New York, but the longer I’m here, the more my heart opens, allowing all my emotions to come pouring in. Love, fear, hurt, passion, pain, and so many more emotions that sometimes it’s too hard to breathe. But when Vance is around, everything else seems to fade into the background. My love for him and the regret I feel for the way I’ve acted come to the forefront.
“Tell Mama Bristol what’s wrong.” She grips the top of the chair and braces herself before slowly lowering down into the seat.
I stifle a laugh as I watch her struggle to get comfortable. I can only imagine what it feels like to have an extra fifteen pounds strapped to your midsection.
“Shut up. This will be you someday, and I’m going to enjoy watching you struggle.” Bristol leans back in the chair, finally finding a comfortable position to sit in.
“There’s nothing really to tell. Vance came into the studio to ask me out again, and I turned him down. He left with Connor to go grab a beer or something. I wasn’t really paying attention.”
“Then why are you sulking?”
“I’m not sulking,” I snap back, rubbing the place on my chest above my heart. “Just had a long day of teaching classes and practicing.”
“Selina.” My entire body stiffens at the sound of her voice.
We both know I’m completely full of shit. I long for the days that Vance pops up in the studio. The way his eyes pierce my soul makes everything else fade into the background. His brown hair perfectly tousled on the top of his head from him nervously running his hands through it, cut shortish on the sides, leaving just enough hair on the sides to run my fingers through. Vance is always wearing a flannel shirt, rolled to his elbows, allowing his tattoo to peek out from beneath it, over a white T-shirt, with his legs encased in a pair of blue jeans and his work boots covering his feet.
He’d march right toward me, but instead of hesitating in wrapping his large arms around me, the scruff of his beard brushing against my skin, he plants a gentle kiss on my lips. He pulls back slightly and smiles before laying his chin on the top of my head and pulling me tightly into his chest. I’d bury my nose in his chest, allowing his woodsy scent to envelop me as I melt into his arms.
I can see it all playing out in my head like a movie, but then the voice in the back of my mind chimes in, whispering all my fears in my ear. Reminding me that so much time has passed, and I’m no longer the girl he fell in love with. That I’m lost, moving through life like a leaf blowing in the wind. My life is incomplete shambles from the choices I made, which ruined the best thing I ever had. For years, I’ve wanted to tell Vance that I was sorry, that shutting him out was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, but something always stopped me. The weeks turned into months and then years. Too much time has passed between us. Vance might just want a chance to get to know me again, but I want more. I want everything, even though I know it’s too late.
“Earth to Selina.” Bristol’s voice brings me back to the present.
“Sorry.” I give my head a shake before smiling at her, trying to ease the worry I see on her face. “What are you doing here, anyway? Don’t you have a studio to run?” I question, hoping to change the subject as I try to sneak a glance out the window.
“Audrey is currently hiding from Connor.”
I open my mouth to comment, but she raises her hand.
“Don’t ask. It isn’t my place to say anything, but something has happened between the two of them. She needs to work things out on her own.”
I can only imagine how Audrey is feeling right now after being betrayed in the worst way by her ex. I always had a bad feeling about Ian Hudson, commenting more than once that Audrey could do better, but I never would’ve imagined that he had a secret family stashed somewhere.
Audrey and Love came here for a fresh start. The last thing she probably wants is to start a relationship so soon. But I know Connor is a good man, and he’d be good for both her and Love. However, who am I to say anything? I’m doing everything in my power to run from the man I love because I’m afraid of being rejected.
“They both deserve to be happy,”
“They both do.” She smiles before motioning toward the front window. “I saw Vance pulling up to Tyson’s Hardware when I came in.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I respond, pushing to my feet and walking to the other side of the room.
Everyone in town knows that Vance has been lurking in the general vicinity of my studio since he finished the renovations. Whenever I see him, he says it’s just a coincidence, but I know better. Vance wants my attention for some reason, and a part of me wants to give in to him. To go out to dinner and see if the spark is still there. But a much larger part is scared to take that leap again.
“Okay, so you haven’t been secretly waiting for him to stop by so you can get another fix for the day?”
“No, I haven’t been.”
“Then what have you been glancing out the window for since I came in?”
“I…” I start, but slam my mouth shut quickly, knowing I’ve been caught.
“When are you going to put Vance out of his misery?” Bristol jokes, causing my body to shiver with anticipation at the mere mention of his name. I fidget with my hands, nervously glancing at the door. “No need to be nervous. He will come in and ask you out, and you will turn him down again.” She tilts her head to the side, eyeing me inquisitively. “Or is there something else going on?”