Page 32 of Love You Still
“Just like I don’t come here every day to see Selina.” I chuckle as we both give Jade a hug, wave goodbye to Emersyn, and stroll out the door to his truck in silence. Connor has been my best friend for most of my life. He knows everything there is to know about me, including how heartbroken I’ve been since Selina left.
Just like Connor, I haven’t given myself to another woman. I’ve been completely celibate since Selina left town. I’ve tried to date for a while, but other women never appealed to me because they weren’t Selina. Thankfully, Connor understood and didn’t give me too hard of a time about holding on to the hope that Selina would come back someday. I was content with my choice to be alone instead of being reminded every time I was out with another woman of the one that got away. In my heart, no onecould ever hold a candle to Selina. If I can’t have her, I’ll spend the rest of my life alone.
“It shouldn’t be this hard, should it?” I question, slamming my fist on the hood of his truck. “She left me, Connor. Left me and this town in her rearview mirror all those years ago, never to come back. But I still love her.”
“Anything in life worth having isn’t easy,” he says as he unlocks his truck and motions for me to follow.
I open the passenger side door and climb in. “Why does she keep turning me down? All I want is an explanation. She at least owes me that much.”
“She doesn’t owe you anything, man. You were teenagers. She had a dream and went for it.” Connor gets in and starts the truck.
“I never once discouraged her from her dreams,” I murmur as I gaze out the passenger window.
Sure, we dreamed about what our life would be like in Tyson’s Creek, making plans to buy an amazing house overlooking the creek, cut off from the world. I made sure she had space for a dance studio and a Jacuzzi to loosen her muscles after practicing. These dreams are one reason I planned on going into construction. I wanted to give Selina everything she wanted, building it with my own two hands to show her how much I loved and supported her.
It never mattered to me where these things were, just that we did them together. I never once forced Selina to choose between being with me and her dreams. My heart aches at the idea that she believed I would discourage her from everything. I spent so many Friday nights sitting on the floor of the dance studio, watching her practice for her entrance ceremony. I videoed her practices so she could watch them back and correct any of the small mistakes. I did everything I could to make sure she knew I was always there for her, that I had her back no matter what, butinstead of allowing me to continue to support her, she shut me out.
The scenery passes by as we make our way toward Crawdaddy’s near the edge of town. It’s the best place in town to grab a cheap beer and focus on something other than how much is going on in your life. Before I know it, the sign comes into view, and Connor quickly finds a parking spot.
“But did you everencourage those dreams?” He turns to me as he shuts off the truck. “All you ever talked about was the two of you getting married and settling down. Not once did you offer to go with her.”
“I encouraged her!” I shout, throwing my hands above my head in frustration. “I was the one who recorded her audition. I was there when she found out she got into Juilliard and congratulated her before anyone else. I would have followed her to the ends of the earth if she had only asked.”
“But did you tell her that? Did you let her know all your plans to follow her to New York? That you had gotten into NYU and planned to get your degree right along with her?”
I know in my heart that he’s right. I never once said anything to Selina about my plans or that I even thought about moving to New York with her. We spent so much time talking about our future. I thought she knew I was in it for the long haul.
“No, you didn’t. You put all the pressure on her to decide, not once taking the time to let her know how you felt about it. She probably thought there was no other option for her than to leave. You were her entire world, and she couldn’t take the chance that you’d resent her for making you follow her.”
“I never would’ve done that.”
“Thirty-four-year-old you wouldn’t, but think about that headstrong eighteen-year-old boy you were when we graduated. Do you think he would have been content following her aroundthe world for the rest of his life? Giving up on any of his dreams to be with the woman he loved?”
“I hate to admit it, but you’re right. Eighteen-year-old me would’ve been okay with it for a while, but the more time we were away from each other, the more I would have probably regretted my decision.”
“That’s right. You would have come home after a few years, full of resentment that Selina followed her dreams, and you were left with nothing.”
“Do you think she thought the same things when she left? That she needed to leave for both our sakes, not wanting to taint what we had with each other?”
“I don’t know, man. I wish I knew the answer for you.”
“Now what do I do? Selina keeps talking like she has one foot out of the door, determined to run away to New York the first chance she has. How am I going to get her to understand that I don’t want to trap her here? I just want to be a part of her life. All I want is to be given a chance to love and support her for the rest of our lives.”
“How about you try to be her friend first? The rest will come later.” He opens the door and heads inside the bar.
“That’s the problem. I don’t know how much time I have,” I reply into the empty cab.
There is no telling how much longer Selina will be in town before she goes back to New York. I lost her once, and I can’t let it happen again. But how do you convince someone that you were meant for each other if they don’t believe that themself?
Chapter 14
Selina
“How’s my favorite ballerina doing today?” Bristol chirps as she waddles her way into the studio.
Her red hair is piled high on the top of her head, but a few strands hang loose in the front, framing her face. She’s wearing a Nurture Space shirt, the logo stretched slightly around the top of her protruding belly, and a pair of black yoga pants. Her green eyes are shining with mirth as the corner of her mouth pulls up into a smile.
Nurture Space is the name of the yoga studio Bristol opened when she moved here after college. It shocked me when Leia told me her college roommate was moving back to town with her, expecting Bristol to return home after graduation. But Bristol was determined to put down roots and create a home for herself. After following her dad around to different duty stations for most of her life, she refused to do it anymore. Her parents live a few hours away from here, in Alabama, but I think that has more to do with Bristol being here than anything else.