Page 25 of Side By Side
“I mean that soloists are on their own; they wouldn’t make a change this close to the Games. And people with partners are already with those partners. So, I’d need to find someone who isn’t trying to make the team on their own or with someone else.”
“I’m pretty sure that even if I didn’t follow figure skating at all, I’d still have heard if the Olympics was allowing two women to skate together.”
“They’re not. It’s only the US right now. Well, Canada, too, but it would be domestic competitions only.”
“And what is the point, exactly? I don’t understand. If you can’t go to the Games with me, why ask me at all?”
“I need to get noticed. I was getting noticed with Walker. He’s figure skating royalty, as my sister likes to point out. With him out, though, I don’t really have much of a chance.”
“So, you want me to skate with you because it’ll get people’s attention?”
“I want to skate well with you, yes. I want to initially get their attention because I’m skating with you, but I want to skate well enough with you for them to believe that with any partner, I can win a medal. Walker could be back in time, if his rehab goes well, and he’s Walker, so it should. If he does and still wants me to be his partner, I’m good. But if not, I’ll look good enough maybe for them to consider–”
“So, I’d be, like, your figure skating fluffer?” Belle asked.
“What?”
“You know, the person in porn who–”
“I know what a fluffer is.”
“You do?”
“You do, too,” Chandler pointed out. “And that’s not what I meant.”
“What did you mean, then?”
“That I can’t take you to the Games, but that’s not my choice; it’s just not allowed. We can skate together while I look for a male partner, or if I get some good news about Walker’s ankle, I can stay warm and ready and on the radar for when he can come back. I’d pay you. This wouldn’t be for free, if that’s what you’re thinking. It would be a job.”
“I have a job, Chandler.”
“I know. I just meant that you wouldn’t have to leave here and not make money to do this. I’d pay you. Well, my parents would pay you, but you’d make money and–”
“You haven’t even apologized,” Belle said suddenly.
“Sorry?”
“You haven’t even apologized to me for what happened when we were kids, Chandler.” She stood up carefully. “Maybe you don’t think you have to, but it sure would’ve been nice to hear you say something, at least, after all this time. So, no, Chandler, I won’t be your figure skating fluffer just to get you to the Olympics when you’re part of the reason I had to give up on my own dream of getting there.”
Belle skated off the ice.
CHAPTER 8
She hadn’t had enough time to get ready for this. The long program was four minutes, and she’d practiced, yes, but it wasn’t like she’d been working on it for months or even years, trying to get it right. When she’d woken that morning at five, Chandler had had breakfast in her room and watched a few more videos of some possible partners, all while thinking about what Belle had said to her the night before. She hadn’t planned on approaching her until she’d had more time to warm Catalina up to the idea of a female partner. If they’d been back home already, she would’ve looked up the contact info for the Ice Park to maybe email Belle because reading the likely rejection would have been easier than dealing with it in person.
Then, Chandler had seen her on the ice, and she’d watched her for a few minutes. Belle still had that thing that she’d noticed about her years ago, the thing that Chandler never really had: the pure freedom on the ice. As much as Chandler felt at home out there at times, she’d never even gotten close to being able to show the same freedom that so obviously played across Belle’s face when she was gliding around the ice. It radiated from her and moved throughout her entire body. Chandler had always been a little bit jealous of Belle because of that, she supposed. Even when they were kids, Belle had made it into the program at an earlier age, despite not having an at-home ice rink of her own and some of the top coaches to help her get there, like Chandler had had. Belle had been chosen time and again to compete for the program when only the top skaters got chosen.
Chandler had gotten chosen a few times before Belle had left and several more times after, but she’d always known she was the second and, sometimes, the third choice for the program coaches. She’d never had any delusions that she was the obvious gold medal contender. It had bothered her a lot, but she’d managed to maintain friendships in the program despite being competitors with everyone there, and Belle had once been a friend.
Belle had been shyer back then, not talking much, if at all, but outskating everyone. She devoted her entire life to skating and seemed to muddle through everything else, including their schoolwork with their tutors. Chandler had been able to excel in school and had graduated high school by sixteen because of it. That had given her more time to focus on skating and making her Olympic dreams come true, but after she’d caused Belle to leave, things felt hollow to her at times. She’d still put the work in, but every time she’d win something, Chandler would think about how Belle hadn’t, and it would make her sick.
She could easily recall what it had felt like to kiss Belle. Chandler had never wanted to stop kissing her. She remembered feeling like she finally understood what all the fuss was about. She knew it was a soft, hesitant first kiss and that it was probably silly to hold on to it for all these years, but it had mattered to her. Belle’s face in that moment had told Chandler what she’d needed to know, and had those girls not walked in on them, Chandler wasn’t sure what would have happened, but she’d often wondered.
They would have kept kissing, to start. She knew that much. Then, they would’ve probably gotten embarrassed and not talked about it for a while. She wasn’t entirely sure about that, but given Belle’s shy personality and Chandler not being experienced in much outside of figure skating, it was likely. She’d often replayed it in her mind that they would eventually hang out and kiss again, and that would get them to talk about it. She could see them dating in secret. And what was most interesting to Chandler was that in all the times she’d re-imagined the past, they’d never broken up. That was ridiculous because not many people who started dating someone at fourteen years old ended up with that same person, but in all the years she’d thought about Belle and what had happened, she’d never pictured them ending.
In her loneliest moments, Chandler had pictured them together even today, traveling the world, competing, skating, making love because they were in their twenties now and could do more than just kissing in an empty locker room. She could see them engaged and married. She would have proposed, she thought, because the Belle she knew then would’ve been too shy or worried to do the asking. She’d picture them married with kids and taking those kids to figure skating practice. Chandler would coach. Belle would have some job that Chandler couldn’t ever quite identify.
Now that she’d seen her again, though, things could start to come into focus. She could see them dating for years, moving in together in an apartment somewhere, carrying boxes, and eating cold pizza off of them before making love on the floor of the living room they still needed to unpack. She could see Belle proposing now, them getting married, with Belle wearing a suit and Chandler in a white, flowing dress, and she was still coaching while Belle was running the Ice Park.