Page 33 of Filthy Secret

Thoughts of the past swirl in my head. Thoughts of my lies. Thoughts of his betrayals. Then of my own. We are probably toxic. Maybe we shouldn’t be together. Maybe I should just tell him the truth about Adam now. That way, he’ll really hate me, and we can be done pretending… or trying or whatever it is we’re doing.

My eyelids grow heavy just as Sophia is making a joke about Blanche being a slut. They’re sitting around the small breakfast table and eating cheesecake. It all seems so simple, and I wonder if I will ever have a life like that.

Laughs, cheesecake, and love.

I hope I do, but I’m not holding my breath.

It seems I’ve been dealt cards that make it nearly impossible to have anything easily. Then again, it’s not like I deserve it, either. I don’t. I’ve lied to the most important people in my life and kept things from them. I’m disgusting.

I’m jolted awake when I’m lifted into the air. Strong arms surround me, protect me, and hold me as they carry my body through the house. When I am lowered onto a soft mattress, I let out a sigh and open my eyes.

I expect to see Grover above me, but it’s not him. It’s Brew, his biological brother. “Welcome back, babe,” he murmurs.

“What are you doing here?” I ask with a hitch in my breath.

He grins as he sits on the mattress next to me. “Prospects were busy, so I came to keep an eye on you and the house. Saw you sleeping on the couch.”

“I’ve fucked everything up,” I whisper.

Brew snorts, shaking his head. “You haven’t. I mean, it’ll take a while for any of us to trust you, but you’ve been through hell, babe.”

I have been through hell, though I’m not sure I haven’t brought a lot of that on myself. If I had just stayed here, if I had just told Atomic what was happening, then maybe… just maybe… he would have continued cheating on me, and I would have looked like an idiot for eleven years instead of six.

So, they all may not trust me, but I don’t trust any of them either. They knew what he was doing. Hell, they watched him with those clubwhores, and nobody said a word. A true boys’ club. And I hated them all for it then and still do today.

Instead of telling him all of that, I give him a smile and dip my chin in a single nod. I don’t know what to say or how to say it, so instead, I clear my throat and lie down on the pillow, focusing on the ceiling above me.

It’s got that popcorn stuff, and I can’t help but wonder what it would look like painted a color other than white. Maybe a light gray or even black. I’m lost in thoughts about the ceiling when I hear Brew’s voice, and it shakes me out of my head.

“Hear I’ve got a nephew of sorts,” he murmurs.

“You do,” I whisper.

I’m thankful for the change of subject. I really don’t want to hash over the past again. And I want to avoid all the talk about my own past, mainly because I’m a big-ass liar. I don’t want to slip up and say anything that I know I shouldn’t.

“He’s five, and his name is Adam.”

Brew stares at me for a long, silent moment, then he clears his throat as he stands to his feet. I watch him as he begins to move around the room, pacing, really, and as I take him in, I realize for the first time that Adam has a lot of characteristics from him, too.

I’m surprised that I never saw it before now. They are a lot alike. A fresh wave of guilt slices through me. I’ve not just kept Adam away from his father, but his uncle, too. His whole family. My heart squeezes in my chest at the thought. I hate myself all over again.

CHAPTER

THIRTEEN

ATOMIC

I should go straight home. Home. Home has always been the clubhouse. Even when I lived with my parents, from the time I turned fifteen, the clubhouse has been where I spent my days, my nights, my entire life. But now there is another place I’d rather be, and I’m not sure how I feel about that.

Anger still flows through my veins, but I try to ignore it. I’m not quite sure how I’m going to get over this. I am telling myself that it doesn’t matter. The fact that Adam isn’t mine. The fact that she stole money from me and walked away. The fact that her fucking sister influenced her to the point where she changed her whole goddamn life for her more than once.

What happens when Ellen comes back again with some more bullshit? Does Ryan take off and follow her all over again? I can’t trust her. I want to, but I can’t. My phone rings as I stare out at the piney woods and lake view that surround me.

A ride to the lake is what I needed. It calms my thoughts and clears my mind, but as my phone rings, I’m brought back to reality. Sliding my thumb across the screen, I lift the device to my ear.

“Atomic,” I grunt as my greeting.

“We got that fuckin’ guy watching us again. Tried to run after him, but he slipped away. I think he had a car waiting. Don’t know what the fuck he wants, but I’m about sick of this shit,” Gnaw rumbles.