Page 34 of Filthy Secret

“Again?” I ask.

“Again,” he confirms.

What the fuck? Could it really be that pimp prick? Does he really want Ryan that fucking bad that he’s coming here and risking his life by stalking the Dark Horse MC? He must really think he’s fucking something to do that.

“Next time we do a shipment, I want to join,” I state.

“You got it,” Gnaw murmurs. “You doin’ good having her back?” he asks

I can’t even give him an answer, not really. I’m not doing good. I’m not even doing okay. And I thought that shit would be a hell of a lot clearer once I fucked her, but it’s not. I’m still confused as fuck in general, and my anger has not dissipated in the slightest.

“Not sure yet,” I admit.

He doesn’t speak right away. He stays quiet for a moment before he decides to tell me what is on his mind. Although, I’m not sure he has any room to say a goddamn thing to me since he’s completely single, while I am dealing with something that nobody here ever has before.

I want to feel as if Ryan betrayed me and the club. I felt that she did six years ago and until I walked into that hospital room. But there’s something about seeing her in that bed the way she was. I want to forgive everything. I also think that a lot of what she did wasn’t meant to be betrayal. It was more like self-preservation, and I’m not sure I can really fault her for that.

“Just to say,” he finally speaks, “my opinion on the matter is that she was young as fuck. Her sister is a drug addict and manipulative. Ryan is also an enabler because she only has her sister. So, she may have made some bad choices, but she isn’t a bad person. The opposite actually. She’s too good.”

I can agree with that to a degree. I still think she’s hiding some things from me. I don’t think she’s telling me the whole truth when it comes to her leaving and Adam’s biological father. Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking.

Never imagined having my own kid. I’m forty-one. It’s not like I’m young anymore. I just kind of assumed that part of my life was probably never going to happen, that I’d given up that chance after she left and I didn’t find another old lady. But here it is, right in front of me all over again. A second opportunity at the life I thought I’d lost, the life I wasn’t sure I ever wanted.

Climbing onto my bike, I decide to head back to Pineville. I need to get back home. I need to see Ryan again, and tomorrow, I need to figure out when the next load is supposed to be picked up and delivered so I can see if it’s that goddamn pimp stalking the club.

I hope it is him.

I’m ready to be done with his fucking ass once and for all.

I’m ready to get rid of him completely.

It doesn’t take me long to ride back home. Brew’s bike is in the driveway, sitting in my fucking spot. It should piss me off, but I know my brother had no idea it was my parking place. It’s not like he or anyone else has really been here before, considering Ryan has been in Pineville and in this house less than ten hours.

Pulling up beside Brew’s bike, I park it and throw my leg over the side before I make my way to the front door. I’m sure Ryan is going to be pissed at the way I walked away from her. I know I would be if she had done that shit to me. But at the same time, I’m not sure she has any fucking room to talk about anyone walking away from anyone else.

Making my way to the front door, I twist the knob and let myself inside, locking the door behind me as I do. The house is quiet. I listen for any sign of life and wonder where the fuck Brew is. He’s not doing a very good job watching them if he doesn’t even realize I’m in the house.

Moving down the hallway, I stop at Adam’s door and gently push it open, careful not to make any noise. It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust to find the bed, and I find the small figure passed out, the covers moving up and down as he breathes.

He is safe.

I gently close the door and make my way toward the master bedroom, where I listen for voices but hear nothing. I’m not sure what I’m going to walk into. Although, I wouldn’t expect either of them to be in a compromising position.

Even so, I still pause for a moment.

Wrapping my fingers around the handle of the door, I hold my breath as I twist the knob and push it open. My eyes don’t have to adjust to the light because there is a lamp turned on. I freeze at the sight in front of me.

Brew is sitting with his back to the headboard, fully clothed and lying on top of the covers. Ryan is beneath the sheets, the pillows propped up behind her head, and they have something playing on the television.

“What the fuck is happening here?” I demand.

Slowly, their heads turn, and their eyes find mine. Brew’s lips turn up into a lazy smile, but Ryan just watches me, her eyes wide as I wait for an answer, pressing my lips together.

“We’re watching Hoarders,” Brew states.

“You’re… watching… Hoarders?”

Ryan nods her head, her eyes never leaving mine. “It’s really good. I can’t sleep, and Brew came in to check on me and found me on the couch.”