Page 27 of Shoot Your Shot

10:27 PM

Chris: You must be in bed. Talkto you tomorrow. Good night

Shit. Shit.

Shitshitshitshitshit

I am such shit.

I pound on the steering wheel, asshame and regret wash over me. I should let them drown me.

Chapter Nine

Chris

Fuck. Me.

Peeling myself away from Roxie andgoing home was one of the hardest fucking things I’ve ever had todo.

I pace like a lunatic for half anhour, maybe longer. I am the most awake I’ve ever been in my life.My every last nerve is on fire, and I teeter on the verge ofwalking back to Roxie’s place to fuck her senseless. But if I dothat, then everything will be over. No more hanging out, anddefinitely nothing more because I don’t think she can even fathomit right now. Let alone want it.

Why do I think she’d ever wantit?

I need a medal for self-control.Where the fuck is my goddamn medal?

You could bounce quarters off myballs. Fuck my life.

I go a round with a flashlight andanother with my hand, but I’m still wound up. I decide to go to thegym downstairs, because I have to get rid of this nervousenergy.

On my way, I knock on Roxie’sdoor. It’s an impulse. I have no idea what I’m going to say if sheanswers.

She doesn’t. Maybe she’s in thebathroom. Is she avoiding me? I knock a couple more times, butnothing. So I text her.

9:51 PM

Chris: Hey

Stopped by. Just wanted to makesure you’re OK

I make my way down to the gym andget on the treadmill. I keep watching the phone, but no responsecomes.

Time passes, and it’s clear shewon’t text back tonight. She probably doesn’t want to talk to me. Ihave no idea what I would even say to her, but I feel like I shouldsay something. Somehow make things right. Explain. Apologize.

10:27 PM

Chris: You must be in bed. Talkto you tomorrow. Good night

****

8:20 AM

Roxie: I am really sorry aboutlast night

Really really sorry

Chris: It’s OK. No need to besorry

I’m not sorry