Page 47 of Except You

“I’m fine,” I lie. I’m not fine. My whole life is a lie.

The things I was taught. The things I believed. It was all wrong.

I was so fucking wrong.

I can’t breathe. My eyes sting. There’s a lump the size of Texas in my throat.

When we make it back to my place, Beau asks me if he can stay the night, and I tell him it’s not a good idea. He looks disappointed but just says that he’ll see me later before making his way to his car.

I feel bad for making him leave, but I can’t have him here right now. If he stayed, how would I even tell him what happened? I can’t tell him. I can’t.

I need a good cry. A good minute to think about it.

And I think about it with Doggo in my arms. I sit on the back porch with him, a beer in my hand as I try to process it.

And I can’t. I can’t fucking stand it.

So I do the only thing I can think of. I call Magnus.

I don’t even believe he’ll pick up, so I’m taken by surprise when he actually does.

“Hi,” he says, the kids screaming in the background.

“Who is it?” Sem asks. His voice is low and protective, and I’m so damn happy that my brother found someone who will save him from pricks like me. From our family.

Magnus sighs. “It’s Max.”

“The fuck it is,” Sem growls, and the fingers that grip my phone start to shake. To be fair, Sem is scary. I had a nice shiner on my eye the day we fucked with him.

I deserved it.

I deserved worse.

“You okay?” Magnus asks, and I gulp.

“I don’t know,” I whisper, and I hear Magnus start to move and then the click of a door shutting.

“I have about two minutes before the kids find me. What’s up, Max? Is it Dad? Mom?”

“No. They’re fine. It’s…it’s me.”

I don’t even know how to say what I want to say, so I just blurt it out. A stream of consciousness that I hope he can decipher.

“I jacked off. In bed with another guy. I came. With another guy next to me. With Beau. It’s Beau.”

It’s silent on the other end of the line, and I can almost hear him thinking.

“Hold on. The kids found me. I’m moving to the bathroom.”

I hear another door shut and another before it’s utterly silent.

“Okay, so let me get this straight. You slept in bed with a guy and you jacked off with him near you. Was he awake?”

“No. I don’t think so.”

“Oh, so what’s the problem?”

“I um. I saw him having sex with another guy and…I got hard. I got hard watching him being fucked.”