Page 48 of Except You
“Oh. Ooooooh,” Magnus says, and I swear I can almost hear him laughing inside. It’s what I deserve anyways. I’d laugh at me if I were him.
“Are you questioning things, Max? Beau is a very attractive guy.”
I swallow, conjuring up an image of Beau and feel something low in my belly twitch.
“I don’t know. I’m so fucking confused.”
“It’s okay. Listen, Max. I really want to talk to you about this, but fuck, Sem and I have a babysitter coming over and we have a date. Can I call you back to discuss this?”
“You don’t have to. I…don’t deserve any of this from you. I just didn’t know who else to call.”
“Listen, you were an asshole to me for many years, but my incredible fault is seeing the redeeming qualities in others. And I’m choosing to think that maybe you’re changing. Or you have changed. Time will tell. But for now, I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt.”
“Okay,” I say, feeling my eyes start to sting.
“And I know this is a lot, that you’re questioning everything, so my advice to you is to really sit with it a bit. Talk to Beau, and if you can, read some gay lit. I mean, test the waters.”
“Gay lit?” I ask, sitting up and glancing around. Even saying that word out loud makes my heart race.
“Yeah. I mean, listen, I know we weren’t raised with the most open mindset, but there is a broad spectrum of sexuality and you may not be gay. You could be bisexual or even just questioning. Reading things may help you kind of figure it out.”
“Okay.”
“Shit. Fuck this timing, but I have to go. The babysitter is here, but seriously, Max. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Call me later.”
“Okay. And Magnus, thank you. And I’m sorry for everything.”
“Yeah, I know. We’ll figure this out.”
And a second later, the line goes dead.
Well, fuck. It was good to hear his voice again, but goddamn, now I’m even more confused. I glance down at Doggo, and he huffs up at me.
“What the fuck do I do now?”
He just sneezes on my pant leg, no help at all.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Matt asks when we meet at the gym after work the next day. Mitch is there too, his shirt already sweaty as he shoots some baskets. I haven’t seen them much since meeting Beau, and for a second, I’m slightly jarred by how they’re ribbing each other.
The homophobic slurs are never-ending. How did I never notice this before?
No wonder Magnus took off and has cut off contact.
Fuck. We fucking suck.
“Yeah, you look tired, bro. What is it? Some nice pussy keeping you awake at all hours?”
I shake my head, my eyes cast downward. I don’t even really want to be here, I’m exhausted. I couldn’t fucking sleep last night, my eyes strained from reading two gay romance novels, back to back. I have five others downloaded to read this week too.
My stomach flutters as I remember those steamy scenes on page, and I push those feelings aside.
It means nothing.
Or it could mean everything.
“Yeah, it is!” Mitch says, walking up to me, the basketball under his arm as he punches my arm. “Who the fuck is it?”
“No one. I’m serious. I’m just tired.”