Page 10 of Walk of Shame
As soon as he’d told the story the memory had come flashing back to me. Not fuzzy and dreamlike, but with harsh, jagged focus.
We’d made our way through the streets, stopping and making out like a couple of teenagers every couple of minutes. We’d finally stopped to sit on a bench, fighting to catch our breaths. He’d been talking about the conference, the hotel, the trip all while stroking my clit in slow distracting circles. I hadn’t been paying attention to the words; instead, I’d been grinding my hips into his hand, silently begging him for more pressure.
He’d laughed, told me I’d been soaking his fingers, then pushed me over with ruthless efficiency right there on the park bench.
I flush with heat and embarrassment at the memory.
He wanted to ask me out. Yeah, right? I’d hardly been on my best girlfriend behavior. And I know from experience, don’t I? There were girls you slept with, and girls you dated. I’d always believed I was girlfriend material, but now I know better.
Trevor taught me that.
Now it’s my job to fix myself.
Christopher frowns, pulling me back to the beach, which moments before had been paradise. “So you’re saying you left my bed and promptly took a vow of celibacy?”
If his world had been spun off its axis like mine had, that statement would make perfect sense.
“It’s nothing personal. My actions made me realize I needed to make some changes.” I bite the inside of my cheek and decide to be honest, although I don’t know why. Maybe because it’s different. Or maybe it’s because there’s something steadfast about Christopher that invites the truth. I say softly, “I’m tired of being that girl.”
He sits forward, and legs spread, laces his fingers between his splayed knees. “What girl?”
I meet his gaze. “Like you don’t know.”
“I don’t. That’s why I’m asking.”
I raise a brow. “Chad and Ruby didn’t warn you off me?”
His expression flashes before he shrugs. “They did.”
At least he’s honest.
It hurts. Chad I understand, because I did proposition him for sex and all that embarrassing stuff, but Ruby stings. She may not be in the inner circle with my two closest friends, but she’s still a friend. I’ve still known her since college, still hung out with her. She’s supposed to at least like me. I look out at the waves crashing over the shore. “So then you do know.”
He’s silent for a while before he says, “They told me you were on the rebound from some guy clearly not good enough for you. That you were looking for a replacement. Is that about right?”
It feels so much more complicated in my mind, but when he breaks it down like that it twists my stomach and leaves behind a vaguely nauseous sensation. “I suppose that sums it up.”
“So did you use me for the night? Sleep in my bed while picturing some other guy?”
No! I want to scream the word. Okay, it did start that way. I’d wanted to use Christopher to fill the void Trevor left behind but that’s not the way it ended.
Within fifteen minutes of meeting him I’d been getting lost in his eyes, the feel of his hand on my back, and by the time his mouth was on mine he’d been the only thought in my head. Tucked into that corner at the party, everything else had disappeared. And for the first time in forever, I forgot about Trevor, forgot about my humiliation, forgot about my sadness.
For the first time I’d met someone that wasn’t a substitution.
This is what I want to say. What I have the urge to confess, to make him understand. But then I look at his face, his cute, boyish face that hides a devil in bed.
He’s the perfect guy. He’s smart, good-looking, interesting and nice. He listens when you talk, is attentive and thoughtful, and he’s going to be a surgeon.
Some nice girl is going to snatch him up in a heartbeat and he deserves that. She’ll be all sweet, probably a kindergarten teacher that will quit her career to be the perfect doctor’s wife. They’ll have a big house in the burbs, perfect little children and a dog.
I want that for him. He deserves that.
It can be my first selfless act on my path to enlightenment. I shrug. I can’t manage to spit out the lie, but I do manage a weak, “I’m sorry.”
He studies me for a long, long time with a narrowed gaze and a hard set to his strong jaw. A jaw I’d scraped my teeth over, before begging him to take me harder, not forty-eight hours ago. He’d denied me that time, instead slowing his pace until his cock moving inside me felt almost dreamlike.
At the memory, my nipples pull instantly tight and between my legs a slow heat builds. I shift in my chair to quell the ache, all the while never looking away.